i had sex with him. but first time i hated but didnt tell him.now he wants it again.but i cant say no wat do i do.cuz if i say yes i dont want to do it but if i say no he hates it and hes the only guy i can find.and if u say i dont need a bf yes i do.
2007-02-07 10:44:12 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How old are you? If you are over 21 then grow up, sex generally gets better the more you practice. If you 18-21 then get rid of the guy and try to work on your self esteem. If you are under 18 then definitely get rid of the guy.
2007-02-08 03:01:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that you need A boyfriend and he's the only guy you could find (that sounds like it doesn't matter who the boyfriend is)... not that you want your boyfriend. Do you love him?
You also say that you hated it the first time and you want to just say no...
I think that if you loved him you would want to see what went wrong the first time and try to find solutions, try to communicate with him... relationships are based on communication and friendship.
Having sex with him just to keep him would only lead to unhappiness and finally make you leave him because problems just get bigger if left unsolved. If you keep on having sex with him even if you don't like it, you will only feel unhappy. But saying no without offering a reason doesn't solve the problem either.
Talk to him, tell him why and what you didn't like the first time, if you explain, he should understand and if he cares about you, he would not insist on doing anything that would make you unhappy.
The reason for starting a relationship should be that you want to be with a person, not that you need a boyfriend, whoever that might be.
If you need a boyfriend because you feel lonely, the lack of communication leads to feeling lonely even if you have one. What is the point of being with someone if you can't share your thoughts, your feelings, your worries and problems with him? If you don't feel he is at your side and that he can comfort you and offer understanding?
Tell me, why do you need a boyfriend? Can you please mail me and tell me more?
2007-02-07 11:24:13 · answer #2 · answered by SeptCore . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go ahead and assume you are quite young, saying things like "I can't say no" and "he's the only guy I can find" and you need a bf.
I can't stress enough that you do NOT have to do anything you don't want to, even if you've done it once. You have the right to say no to anything that doesn't make you comfortable. And if he breaks up with you based on that, doesn't that show you that sex is all he wanted you for? That makes you a piece of meat, not a girlfriend. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you or care about how you feel? For God's sake, stand up for yourself and don't be such a doormat!
As for him being the only guy you can find, I seriously doubt that. There are plenty of guys out there, some of whom are not selfish jerks, believe it or not. Sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem and recognize how valuable you are and that if you're patient, you will find someone who is right for you.
Finally, you do not "need" a boyfriend. You just want one. That's understandable. Everybody wants love and companionship. But saying that you need one means that you don't know how to stand on your own two feet and that's a problem. Strive to be a strong, independant woman and you will attract men of a higher quality. (A lot of guys who gravitate toward girls with low self-esteem do so because they know they can treat them any kind of way and get away with it. But eventually they leave to find their equal.) Please respect yourself and your body and don't settle for anyone who doesn't respect you too.
Sex should be a really wonderful experience so if it's filling you with this much anxiety, that clearly tells you that you're not ready for it, or that you're having it with the wrong person.
That said, when you do decide to have sex again (hopefully when you're much older and with someone who really cares about you) it does get better. The first time is often not the best experience for people, but you learn as you go.
2007-02-07 11:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by CrysV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First Always use protection, OK! Sorry hope I am not being intrusive. You were a virgin? Well if that is the case my first time or few times I did not like it. Now if you are and wanted to wait for the "right" moment and time. Say, NO! If he truly likes/loves you he should wait. I know, I know,... do not want to lose him. It is so crazy but trust your heart not your feelings. Find the difference. Do not lie to yourself! Be true. Not only will you have respect for yourself he will too. I promise all will work out in the end. So long as you are honest and true to your self. Remember what your first thoughts were before. Yes, I recommend talking to him too. Tell him how much you like him. How awful you felt and think you will feel. If he does not respect you. Then the only person who will always lose or get seriously hurt in the long run is yourself! So sorry difficult situation. G.L.
2007-02-07 10:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to have sex, DON'T HAVE SEX. If he cannot deal with that, you don't need him. He is NOT the only guy you can find. There are many others out there. And there are guys that you will like and that will like you. Belive me...i made the mistake of thinking that there was really only one guy who would ever like me. i was really, really wrong. Have self respect. You say that you need a boyfriend...
Maybe you should look into therapy. It sounds like you might be codependent or have major self esteem issues. If you start depending on someone else to make you happy, you are in for a world of hurt. You need to be comfortable being alone before you are ready to be with anyone. i know you did not want to hear that, but it is very true. Best wishes.
2007-02-07 10:51:01 · answer #5 · answered by fair blue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't like having sex at this time in your life-that's your decision. It's your body, your Temple, treat it with care and pride. You should let him know how you feel and see if you can come to an agreement on which way of having sex will be pleasurable for the both of you. You say you need a Boyfriend, at this time you don't want to be intimate with the one you have so you might want to find a BOY/GUY FRIEND it is possible have a good friend of the opposite sex.
2007-02-07 10:53:18 · answer #6 · answered by D T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you've decided you're really not ready for sex. That you agreed the first time since you care for him so much, but you're just not ready yet. If he's worth keeping, he'll be okay with it. If he tries to force or guilt you, then he's a jerk and you're better off without him.
And yes, that's actually true - you're better off without any guy than with a jerk. And the less you believe that, the more you need to be single, and learn to be a strong, independent, happy woman, instead of some miserable doormat waiting to be abused and cheated on.
2007-02-07 10:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he truely loves you he will wait untill your ready, do it when you know that you truely love him, because if you keep having self with him, he could be just keeping u around for that reason, so if he decides to brek up with you over that, then he is a jerk, and all he wanted was sex. and you can say no to him, you r your own person, and u have a voice that you decide what to say not him, besides, he isnt a good boyfriend if he leaves you just because of that. and there are also some other sexual things you can do BESIDES sex, like oral sex, kissing scaming etc... find new ways to please him with out it making you upset
2007-02-07 10:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having sex now with a bf that you don't really want to do that with, your chances of getting together with a really nice bf are very slim. Any decent guy wants to be with a girl who is single. Quit being so needy.
2007-02-07 10:51:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont want to have sex with him. then why would you?!! you CANT say no?? are you kidding me?? you have independant thought don't you?? if he would break up with you bc you wont have sex with him then he's not a guy who will stick around for long anyway (not to mention the fact that he's not the type of guy you should want around at all)
respect yourself. you dont NEED a boyfriend. you want one. i say you find one who will treat you like a person and not a sex toy.
dont be a stupid girl.
2007-02-07 10:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by lovebugger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋