I have a 4 yr old daughter she turns 5 in May.. Lately she has been back talking me..?

Question

Ive tried to sit down and talk with her and tell her that's not nice.. Should my next step be spanking?

Answer 1

My daughter is also 4 going to be 5 May 3rd she is overall a good child however sometimes she gets her little attitude. You have to let her know you are serious in some way if you just sit down and talk to her nice she is going to be like um yeah okkkkk but if you tell her you will take away something from her that you know she likes and tell her she will not get it back until she starts talking nice to you. I am not going to say I never smacked my children and I don't care what anybody says sometimes they need a little smack on the *** or they just take you for a joke!

Answer 2

I would try other methods first at that age. Such as point charts, time outs, long time outs (half hour or more), taking one of her favorite toys away. Now should those fail, Yes you should use spanking. If your going to use spanking, how you do it will determine weather or not you get results. First off, never spank in anger, you must be 100% calm before spanking. You must only use spanking as a planed consequence, never as a reaction, THAT NEVER WORKS. This means, you don't swat her bottom the second the words fly out of her mouth. What you should do is instruct her she's earned a spanking, and to go and wait in her room to think about not talking back to mom. Then have a quick talk, ask her if she understands why she earned a spanking, pull down her pants, and undies (yes bare bottom is the most productive way to spank) turn her over your lap, and spank her bottom red. Afterwards, allow her some time alone to calm down, then comes the long talk. Go in and sit down, explain what you expect out of her, always ask her to repeat what you've just said, say encouraging things to build her back up, such as "your way to smart to behave in this way" "I know you can do it" Ask easy questions that she can answer, then praise her once she does, like with a hug or high-five. Give her lots of love (hugs and kisses)

I really recommend you not just swat her on the bottom when spanking, you could be doing that all day. Make them a last resort, with plenty of warnings, then if you have to give a spanking MAKE IT COUNT.

Good Luck

Answer 3

My daughter used to do that at that age also, spanking didn't work, she would laugh at me and say it didn't hurt even if it did. They are trying to find their place in the world. Give her choices to make from your predetermined choices. Giving my daughter some control of her surroungings really helped. When she did back talk, I would put her into her room. If she tried to open the door, I held it closed, if she kept it up, I would turn out the light until she was quiet on her bed. If your daught is going to school now, try having her have a snack and putting her into quiet time, watching a cartoon, or 'reading' a book, or coloring. I found my daughter didn't understand what she needed was just some time to recoup from the long day and transition into home time.

Answer 4

She is just testing her boundaries.......at this point, don't let her get by with anything or she will take the reins and run with it. While I have resorted to spanking at times, the best medicine for my daughter who is almost 6 is time out to let her think about why it is wrong to talk like that (5-10 minutes). If she is crying we wait until the crying stops. Then we talk and I let her respond to questions like......... does that attitude get her what she wants............no. Is mommy happy with that attitude?............no. Does it make mommy cranky and mean?..............yes. Then I suggest she change her attitude and we try it again. Some nights we do this 2-3 times, but eventually it gets easier.

Answer 5

Don't respond right away when she back talks, but then when she wants something from you let her know that you're happy to do that for kids who don't back talk, but you really don't do that sort of things for kids who do. It can be anything - cooking her favorite breakfast, buying her a special snack, taking her over to a friend's house to play.

Prepare for a melt down because she may have a tantrum or scream or cry or who knows? She may just walk off and quit with the back talk. If she back talks right then, you can just let her know again, "Like I said, I'm happy to..."

Obviously, what you're not doing for her shouldn't be anything that would make her unsafe or scared.

She'll likely not know what to do as she probably didn't JUST back talk. But if she wants something from you, she'll need to knock it off. And if she's not sure what "back talking" is, she'll need to ask so she can learn to stop.

But this way the ball is in her court and she'll need to decide if it's worth it to stop - which of course, it will be.

After a day or two of not back-talking, she'll likely say, "I haven't back talked today so NOW will you .... " The answer is "No. I'm not quite satisfied that you've stopped. Once I'm sure it's stopped I'll be happy to ... "

Give it a few days and when she asks again, let her know that you appreciate that she's stopped with the back talking because you enjoy doing nice things for her.

Then off you go to ... whatever it is - read to her, help her on with her coat, prepare her favorite meal, buy her the snacks she likes, etc.

Answer 6

No i don't think spanking her would solve you problem it will only teach your daughter that it is now okay to be a little miss smarty pants and a hitter. Try taking some of her things that she enjoys away from her as you try and explain to her that you do not like how she is talking to you and also try to keep in mind that she is a 4 yr. old so to be 5 and it is okay for her to express her self but teach her to do it in a nicer manner look at your surroundings is she seeing this behavior from others around her? Hope i made sense and was helpful.

Answer 7

There are several options.
Does she know that she is doing this or is impulse control? Ask her if she is intending to mishave/rude when she backtalks. Sometimes, kids just dont know it is wrong. Or try giving her the proper words she should use instead of the back talking words. Ok that was the nice mom in me who wants to believe all children are angles. If this doesn't work, sometimes demonstrating this behavior back to her in a sassy mannor can scare them straight (my youngest would cry when I returned his backtalk, and got him straight). Then progess to "time-outs", removing favorite toys, to yes, spankings. Sometimes, depending of the level of backtalk, a spanking might be warrented.
Good Luck

Answer 8

5 year olds are the back-talkers. You shouldn't resort to spanking, but don't get in a shouting contest with her. Sit back and let her share her side of the conversation and then sit her down and make sure she listens to yours. If she doesn't get the hint that, if you're supposed to listen to her, she does too. Put her in her room for a few minutes at a time without toys, or sit her at the kitchen table and let her stay there and eat whatever it is she won't eat before she can get down. Don't become a pushover, but don't hit her either.

Answer 9

No spanking. She's too old for that anyway. My 6 1/2 year old daughter can get PMS-like too and I just tell her that what she said hurts my feelings, is mean (if it's about someone else), and I tell her I love her. Then I just ignore the attitude by giving her a big hug and tickling her. She usually loses the frown and starts laughing. She's just trying to get under your skin and though it's ok for kids to express frustration and anger (better to let it out than hold it in), they have to learn how to express it in a healthy way.

Answer 10

This is what is called "The 5 year attitude" which in return they also regress to act back when they were 2. You will see some similiarities in her actions. A timeout in her room will probably do the trick as it has with my son who is going through this right now! A favorite toy OR activity that is withheld may also be an option. Patience! Patience! Patience! Hang in there girl!! Your not the only one that is going through this. :)