Historically, who pays for the reception?

Question

My fiance asked me the other day if my father is going to help pay for the wedding reception. My father has not offered, so I don't feel right asking him to help out. Initially, I assumed we would be paying for everything ourselves. But, if my fiance's parents end up contributing to our wedding expenses I know it will seem a bit unbalanced. I kinda feel like this is something a parent should do because they want to and can afford to... not out of pressure. But at the same time, I am wondering if I am not doing the right thing by approaching the subject. Any advice?

Answer 1

Typically the parents of the bride would pay for the wedding reception - it's supposed to be a party they throw in your honour - ages ago they would also be giving the groom a dowry on your behalf but that doesn't really happen anymore.

Basically I agree with you that if you're done school adn working you should probably count on paying for your own wedding and if the parents on either side want to help out, great, but if you're young and a 'starving student' then your parents should help out best they can - it is actually supposed to be hosted by them.

Also, part of the tradition would be to have a dinner with the whole wedding party after the rehearsal and the grooms parents typically foot the bill for that one.

Enjoy the wedding.

Answer 2

I agree that a parent shouldn't feel forced into paying for a wedding. Now and days many couples, like myself, are paying for for their wedding and reception. I told my dad that we were planning on paying for the wedding ourselves and he contributed $1,000 without me asking.. if he had not offered I would not have asked. My fiance's parents offered to pay for the photographer and a small rehearsal dinner at their home. Since we initially said we would pay for everything ourselves, It would have felt weird to ask for money unless I was really in need of it and wouldn't have been able to get something like a cake or catering etc.
Traditionally, the brides parents pay for the wedding and reception and the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner... but that isn't set in stone and in no way should it be expected by any couple.

Answer 3

Traditionally the father of the bride pays for the reception. However, in recent years, it has become a trend that couples pay for the weddings entirely themselves since people are getting married at later ages when they are financially responsible for themselves. When I move out after graduating from college, my father told me to be prepared to pay for my own wedding. So that's what I did. We based our wedding on what we could afford and did not ask either of our parents to contribute. We left it up to them to offer if that is something they felt like doing. In the end, my father (along with guidance from my mom) decided to help out and gave is a couple thousand dollars to go towards whatever wedding expenses we wanted on top of paying for my dress and invitations. And my mother-in-law offered to host a rehearsal dinner for us. I definitely think you are doing the right thing by not approaching your father for money. I would recommend you let your finance know that your father hasn't mentioned anything about contributing so you should plan on paying for the reception yourselves. You can always add contributions towards your budget later if either parents decide to contribute. And just because one side of parents decide to help, it doesn't mean the other side has to help as well.

Answer 4

Traditionally, the bride's family payed for the receptio but these days many couple are paying for their own weddings. Or the couple and both sets of parents may contribute. But if you know that your father isn't financially able to pay for your reception, then I wouldn't pressure him because it could be really awkward. I would suggest that you and your fiancee' discuss who's going to contribute early on with both sides because it makes the wedding planning process so much easier when you know where the money is coming from.

Answer 5

The father of the bride pays for all the wedding expenses except the rehearsal dinner. The grooms family hosts & pays for the pre- wedding rehersal dinner. Grooms family is supposed to present the bride & her parents with betrothal gifts before the wedding. Bride's family would prepare a dowry, even not that long ago women would have their hope chest and family heirlooms, inheritance, lands, etc.. that would come with them as they marry. Today's trousseau is often confused with a ladies wardobe she has made for her wedding, but it is meant to be used the same as the word dowry.
That is it. In the past when most people did not travel like we do today, the wedding would happen near the brides home in her Church and she would have far more family and friends attending.

Answer 6

Etiquette stated that the brides family covers the receptions and cost related tot he reception. But it really depends these days. Most parents do not cover this expense under a few circumstances, they can't afford it, there daughter is significantly older or on her second marriage and some if their daughter and fiance already reside with each other. If they have not offer you can ask!! You can see if they want to contribute anything towards the wedding!

Answer 7

Traditionally the brides family foots the bill for most of the wedding. However, these days, since couples get married later, perhaps live together for a time before marriage, and are more financially stable at the time of the marriage, the couple usually pays for the wedding themselves. If you know what your fathers financial position is this should help you decide whether or not to ask him to contribute.

Answer 8

Traditionally the brides parents cover the wedding reception and grooms cover honeymoon and rehersal dinner, but that is not really standard now. Alot of couples (like me) pay for the reception them selves and if help is offered (from either side) make sure to honor them in a special way at the wedding by putting their names in the program or if they are helping in a signifcant way the names of the parents are mentioned in the inivtation it self.

Neither party should feel pressured, if the can help its always appreciated and if they cant just their attendance should be more then enough and your fiance should be able to understand that.

Answer 9

Back in the day, the 40's-50's-60's, the brides parents paid for the wedding and reception; the groom's parents paid for the rehersal dinner. But today, it's who can afford it; brides and grooms pay, bride's parents pay and groom's parents pay. If I were you, I'd plan on my fiance and yourself paying for whatever reception you have.......then if the folks pitch in, that's icing on the cake.

Answer 10

Historically and traditionally don't really cut it anymore; with couples working, they pay for their own weddings. If someone from the family offers to kick in some money, fine, but don't worry about there being imbalance, and don't have hard feelings if someone does not. And, don't ask.