will u marry someone had brain tumour?

Question

I love my girlfriend so much, and we are planning to get married. She had treatment (surgery+radiotherapy) for brain tumour 6 years ago. since then her scans are clean. she is perfet now, but i knew recently that this could come back at anytime, may be soon, and could be more agressive. I am in a dilemma, save her or a potential family later. I just dare to say this jut now, but i love her. on the side something in my inside says, that i could support her with being married. but i am just worried that such a move would be devastating for her...and if not it could be for me! i am so confused. Do i choose her or my my future family? not mentioning the the mental pressure due to uncertainty, and the possible problems to children in future. I don't dare to talk freely with her, because she is confident that its coming is not possible. when i talk with her, i feel as if i wanna proof that i am right, this means her harm!!?

Answer 1

See it all depends on your mindset on how it should be. If you really love her and cannot leave like that then just go ahead and marry her after all if you happen to come across this situation after marriage what would you have done. Same could be done now. After all both of you love each other and she is confident that she will not get back the tumor so you also try to be positive and just marry her. All the best.

Answer 2

I am sorry about your girlfriend and confused about you. You say you love her so much but are not certain whether you should marry her because she might relapse? There are of course no guaranties. She could actually be just fine and you could be badly injured in an accident leaving her to take care of you. One should never try and foresee the future. Love her for the time you have together, whether it's a day or 50 years and rejoice in that. Should she relapse, then help her through it, because you love her and you are her mate. I would not tell her all of your thoughts, but I would tell her that you have a fear within you of her getting sick again and losing her. See what she says. If you can't talk about that, I wonder if marriage is right for the two of you. Just remember, that something could happen to anyone at any time, unplanned and unforeseen and when it comes, you deal with it. Live every day as if it was your last.

Answer 3

What type, stage and location of cancer was this? You need to research the specifics. Stage 1 and 2 are so much more treatable (depending on the location). Talk with oncologists and neurologists. I understand where your coming from. To marry and have children and then you are afraid you will loose her is understandable. It would not only be devastating for you, but for the children, also.

I'm assuming she had a very treatable tumor and it sounds like she's doing great. Hats off to her. My Mother died 10-27-04 from multiple glioblastomas. What I would give to have her back! I only wish she had a low grade tumor, but she had the most aggressive form.

Love your g/f for all that she is and the strong woman she obviously is. Get knowledgeable on the type of tumor and talk with a therapist to ease your mind and guide you while making your decision.

This is a very informative website. http://hope.abta.org/site/PageServer

And some encouraging stories:
http://www.virtualtrials.com/survivematt.cfm

Good luck. You sound like a keeper for her.

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Answer 4

If you really love her then marry her.Don't do it to be a saint. Hopefully her tumor will not return with a vengeance.Terminally ill people can be tough to live with, this is not going to be a party. I don't know that much about brain tumors, they can't be hereditary. What makes you think that your children would be affected. Of course, if Momma pass's yes they would be affected. Basically it comes down to how much do you love this woman? Will you be there to take care of her if she does become ill. This is not a one sided puzzle here though, what about you, what will you be getting out of this relationship? You can not base a relationship on pity, it will grow old fast. Make sure that you are truly in love with her before exchanging vows. This is not a puppy that you can turn over for adoption. Please excuse me I'm not trying to be mean, its just the only way that I can express my thoughts. Good Luck

Answer 5

If I loved this person, than yes I would with out a doubt. True love doesn't come around very often. I would not care what they had or what they ended up looking like. Its still them on the inside and that's whats important. Whats up with this future family. You have one in mind or what. You seem very confused. It may never come back or she might have it tomorrow. If this is a problem you better re think marriage, sounds like you want conditions and in this case there should be NONE.

Answer 6

After 6 years she is clear of cancer now, and will want to get on with her life. Time for her to get married and settle down.
However, you sound a fairly selfish individual, and I am not convinced that you actually want to marry this woman, and you are looking for a way out...
I think it is make your mind up time

Answer 7

I think you should treasure the time you have together.
You are obviously deeply in love, Hey man go with your heart, I hope she lives to be a great grandmother.
All my love and best wishes
Have a great life together.

Answer 8

Will I? No. I'm already married. But...I would have still married her if she had had a tumor, or been missing body parts, or whatever. Because I love her.

Answer 9

if you love her marry her.....love is unconditional...i understand your dilemma but if u dont marry her then you will be miserable too.....just go for it....hope for the best, be there for her...its true that she needs to be more pragmatic however if i was you i would marry the person i love and let fate decide the rest!

think about it this way....what if the tables were turned....

Answer 10

Of course you can get married. If you husband's insurance will not cover you, keep with the current one.