9 year old son in constant trouble at school?

Question

he has been in trouble every week for things like taking toys to school, not staying in his seat, touching other peoples desks and many other small but aggravating offenses. he has been tested for learning disorders and was found to be free of any add or adhd. he is just a rowdy boy. he does not act like that at home and never has. his teacher continues to have issues with him and even wanted to send him back a grade even though his grades are good(A's and B's) how can i make it clear to him that his behavior is not acceptable???? we have taken away all his electronics(t.v. and game console) and have punishment chores, such as dishes and laundry for when he is in trouble. we dont spank. and i am not trying to start a spanking debate i am just saying we dont. any thoughts on how to stop the notes and have a well behaved boy even when i am not there to make that happen???

i greatly appreciate all the ideas and views that were given in a helpful spirit. it is sometimes hard to raise kids and it is nice to have a sounding board and differing views. while my son is a normal 9 year old boy, he is not ill-mannered or misbehaved. i wouldn't stand for it. i will be thinking very hard on all HELPFUL suggestions and make a decision from there. thank you to all who took the time to express your opinion here.

Answer 1

Ask him why he hates school. Honestly, he is the best place to start right? All the advice in the world won't help if the answer is something simple :P

Does the new kid punch him? Does his teacher "suck"? Is he totally bored? Don't offer him any answers, just plain out ask him why he hates school.

If there is a real reason, draw him out a little more and then get CREATIVE!

If he says he doesn't hate school, then tell him straight out that his behaviour is making it seem like he does. And then get all cartoony on him!

9 can be complicated, but he seems smart [good grades]. You can help him understand that what comes out of his mouth stays out. What he does stays in peoples minds. And let him play some more sports where being rowdy is a GOOD thing! It makes the day easier for a kid who just can't sit still

Answer 2

sure its not the teacher? I hate to say it because I think way too many parents blame teachers for their kids behavior and are blind to their little "angels" but what you're describing sounds like normal 9 year old boy behavior . I'm especially concerns that the teacher would suggest holding him becak when his grades are good. My son had the same problem in 4th grade. The discipline system this teacher set up was fair but was administered unfairly. The students came home daily with a calendar and if they misbehaved they received check marks for the day. If they received 4 checks in a month then detention. I thought it was great until my very well behaved son with straight As started coming home with check marks at least once a week. We talked to him , he was grounded, we did everything including requesting a conference with the teacher so she could describe what it was he was doing. Well turns out his offenses were as follows: talking in the hallway before the bell rang in the morning, playing with his own pencils after he finished his assignment. Basically really petty things and a few legitimate problems (talking in class, which he got grounded for). My point is this teacher was 70 years old and did not tolerate ANYTHING. He's now in 5th grade and still has straight As and although he's been reprimanded on occasion for talking has never had any more discipline problems at school. You know your kid and if he's a brat then chances are he's a brat at school too but if he's a good well behaved kid then you need to see his teacher to find out what exactly is going on. Maybe the teacher has legitimate problem with your son's behavior but maybe the teacher is overreacting to normal boy behaviour.

Answer 3

Consider what you have done and think about what you haven't done. As one person said maybe he is not challenged enough. If thats not the case and he has no disorders that would cause his behavior, then its a discipline issue. You don't want to spank him and by all means don't if you have other options. If what you have done works then work from that-if not then try new avenues. It may come down to giving him a few swats on the butt to straighten him out.

p.s.-If you can, and assuming the school allows it, go to school with him. Sit in his classroom and keep him in line. I know that would have embarrassed me and I would do anything to prevent that from happening again. At the same time, getting my butt tanned would have kept me flying straight to.

Answer 4

Your kid may be bored. He may learn faster then the others so to him it's play time until they start teaching something new.

What ever you do, don't let them put him on medications. They want to do that with everyone in these days. People rather do that than to do their work. Those medications cause effects that kill them in the future.

Try getting him involved in other things that he can concentrate on. It'll give him something to think about. Believe it or not, ballay school is good for that. It's free for boys, cause they hardly have any. Think what standing on your toes does for you. At the very least you can use it as an incentive not to mess around.

Your kid is not wrong, just out of place. Try talking to him as you would with an adult. He may understand you better. Maybe he's too alone in the house; when he gets around others it's all about play time.

Luck.

Answer 5

Maybe have his chair moved to the front of the classroom or near the teachers desk to make sure there is constant supervision, to lessen his chances of acting out.
Have a meeting with the teacher, your son and yourself to help make a plan as to how to deal with his behaviors.
Changes we made with our daughter are...
1. She could bring a toy but could not use it unles it was at a free time like recess.
2. Sitting near the teacher helped her focus more on the teacher then the students around her.
3. If she wants something that another student might have, she know she can ask about using it or getting one.
4. To make sure things were not just being taken, I checked her bags at home and the teacher checked her bags at school.
If problems continue, maybe the teacher and him are just not meant to be.

Answer 6

Your son sounds like he needs some order. Make a chart, and every week he can make a certain goal, such as not getting into trouble, give him a reward. Not too big, something he likes and that he would work for. Ask him why he acts this way at school. If he has siblings, pay a little more attention to him if he hasn't spent any time with you.This is vital to his behavior. Read parenting magazines with tips on how to handle his problems.Remember, don't crowd his life and make it a big deal. He will take school more seriously. I am sorry this answer is so long. I just want to provide you with as much useful info as I can.

Answer 7

You can keep up the time outs, but you're going to have to reinforce that with the option of spanking, even if it is a single swat to the rear. You aren't beating your child, but rather enforcing what you said you would.

When I was a kid jus the thought that I could get a spanking from doing something I knew was wrong kept me from doing it.

Worst case option, military school.

Answer 8

tough love. you need your sleep/ sanity. lock ur door and make them sleep in their room. maybe thats harsh but what can you do. give them consequences and maybe they will start listening. take away their tv or games . give them chores and be consistant. if u dont have a lock, get one. i dont think ur 9 year olds are afraid on monsters anymore it sounds like a munpulative excuse. family time is how you get through this. stop feeling guuilty and put your foot down. now that dad isnt around kids tend to think they can walk all over mom because they can sense that guilt men have a more authorative presence. so yes ur kids are kinda taking advantage of the situation. they are also 9 years old. early adolecence. so stop feeling bad and put your foot down. let them cry and beg and ddont give in.

Answer 9

DEAR
A (9) YEAR OLD BOY HERE IS SOME THINGS YOU CAN TRY AND SEE IF THEY WORK OUT OK JUST TRY THEM IS ALL I ASK OF YOU OK.
(1) TIME OUT IN YOUR ROOM THE DOOR LEFT OPEN MAKE HIM SIT IN THE CENTER OF THE BED NO TOYS TV SHOWS ETC (2) PUT HIM ON HIS KNEES WITH HIS NOSE TO THE WALL YOU SET THE TIME LIMIT AND SAY STAY THERE UNTIL I TELL YOU YOU CAN GET UP (3) IF HE GETS SMART MOUTH LIKE TALKING BACK WASH HIS MOUTH OUT WITH DAWN DISH-WASHING SOAP JUST A TEASPOON AND MAKE HIM SWALLOW IT AND BLOW BUBBLES. (4) TELL HIM WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT GOOD BOY JUST THREATEN HIM WITH A STRONG VOICE HE DOES NOT KNOW IF HE IS GOING TO SPANKED ARE NOT AND HE WANT KNOW IF YOU ARE PLAYING HIM ARE NOT OK. DEAR IF THESE DOES NOT WORK YOU MIGHT HAVE TO POP HIS BOTTOM JUST ONCE WITH A VERY STRONG VOICE AND SAY THE WORD MOMMY SAID NO HE WILL CRY AND YOU DID NOT EVEN HURT HIM ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RAISE THAT VOICE OF MOTHER HOOD THAT YOU HAVE HE WILL GET THE MESSAGE OK. TRUST ME ONE LITTLE POP ON HIS LITTLE BOTTOM HE WILL BE A GOOD BOY ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS YOU WANT SOME MORE IF THE TEACHER CALLS ME HE WILL FLY RIGHT AND A NEW BOY APPEARS BEFORE YOUR EYES

Answer 10

You are on the right track in taking away things as punishment. But, you gotta get to the root of the thing. He may feel like he is not getting attention or recognition - because he is going after negative attention. There is something off in his experience as a student, and he does need to discipline himself to discover what that is and then come up with some possible solutions.