Should we have a second child?

Question

My son is 8, I am 36, my husband is 39. Up until now we have all said no more babies. Over the years this has been revisited with more or less the same answer until now. My son would like a sibling. I think he should have a sibling. His dad doesn't want more kids. How important is having a sibling to you? What is the age difference between you and your sibling? How is the relationship?

- and please don't think I am letting my son make the decision. I think big families are wonderful and would feel great having one; for myself and my son.

Answer 1

I have two brothers who are 11 and 9. I'm 23 years old. My teen years were rough on them and my parents I'm sure, but we are so close now. I love going to their pee wee games and cheering them on. Several of my friends have lost parents in the last few years and the ones who have siblings are coping much better. They have someone who shares those same memories of the parent! Do whats best for you and your child. If you or your husband die, who does he have left?

Answer 2

There is an 8 year age gap between my brother and I. My mother was younger though. I'm now 21, and he is 13. As a baby, I ADORED him and took care of him. As soon as he was able to talk, he LIVED for ticking me off. I honestly have no good memories with my little brother from when I lived at home. Things were especially terrible when I was a teen. I was expected to watch him a lot, which put me in the position of autority to him, rather than as an equal sibling. He was a total little devil, and still drives me crazy to this day. My other brothers are all step brothers, and we didnt get to grow up together. I have always wished that I had a sibling that I could be close to, but I would NEVER intentionally space my kids out that far. Its like, there is almost a decade between us. My mom, however, has a sister that is 12 years older than her. They didnt get to be kids together, but now as adults, they actually really love eachother. I suppose it depends on the situation, and the people. My little brother's dad is a complete psycho, and my brother has picked up a lot of things from him that I dont like. Perhaps if we had the same father, things would be different, but who is to say? All any of us can give is our personal experience and advice. My advice is... think about how old you will be when your child is an adult, and how old you will be when that child is having children. Also, do NOT put your older child in a position of authority over the other child. Encourage sibling equality and companionship. Good luck!

Answer 3

Having a baby is /not/ your son's decision, and you shouldn't have a baby just so he can have a companion. If it sounds like a good idea for the two of them now - think about it. By the time the baby is old enough to be his companion, he's going to be a teenager who isn't going to want anything to do with them and find them a nusiance. Enjoy moody teenager fights about babysitting, 'getting in their space', and how they're sick of them. He'll be at an age where he wants to distance himself as much as possible from the babyish things and be cool, and that'll be just the time that little baby brother or sister will want to cling near him.

I have a brother, he's two years older - we were closer in my childhood, but we've drifted away a bit. We don't like or dislike each other. He was a big deal in my childhood, but that was pre-ten years old or so. Being an only child is a little bit lonely, but at this point the age gap will be awkward.

And I think the fact that your husband doesn't want a baby says enough on it's own. It's a two person thing, and a baby is not something you want to force on someone. I know he'll probably like the child well enough, but think about if he doesn't - resentment and favourtism from parents is nothing a child should have to deal with.

Answer 4

I have 2 younger siblings. My brother is 3 years younger and my sister is 6 years younger. I love them both and dont think my childhood would have been as great if they werent there. But if your husband doesnt want kids....dont have them! Unless you are both 100% commited to this dont do it. It will cause problems later on. Im sure he will love the kid but there may be some resentment.

Answer 5

NO you shouldnt, your son will always be 8 to 9 years older,, when he turns a teenage, he isnt going to want that kid around him when he is hanging with his friend, I know this, because I got stuck taking care of my little brother, 9 Years difference, had to take him with me ( I was driving ) and a 7 is a big tattle tail, I wanted to kill him

so dont do it,, cuz I still hate my brother, although I love him because he is my brother, when he was born I wasnt the baby any more he was spoiled rotten,,,

Answer 6

Dont you know the saying?? First one's a blessing second one's a curse. I have a little brother AND sister! My brother is 2 years younger and my sister is 3 years younger than me. Oh my God they are really annoying and i always beat up my brother (not that bad) and chase my little sister around the house. Trust me if you dont want any damages to your home dont have another child.

Answer 7

i would 8 years differnce isnt bad i would get one more child having a sibling helps take the shyness out of a child it gets him/her to open up more and be a kid, i think a single child is sad because they get spoiled and they grow up lonely

Answer 8

very, i have 5 brothers and sisters, both my parents have passed, it gives me such comfort to know when i am no longer here that they will have each other