i'm in 2 minds to look for my biological dad.?

Question

not had any contact from him in about 23 yrs and i don't know alot about him other than his name and age??? what to do????????

Answer 1

I've never been in your position, so feel free to ignore me.

But if it was me, I think I would look. If I didn't I'd always wonder whether I should have done it.

I have a 192.com subscription. I'd be happy to check out the UK Electoral Register for you if you email me whatever info you have (including areas where he's been known to live if possible).

Answer 2

Only you can decide because it is such a personal thing. But I can understand why you want to as it is not just curiosity, but where you come from, your roots, your biological and psychological make up. You must also bear in mind that as regards health issues whether for you or any children, you do get asked by the health authorities if there has been such and such in the family (ie heart attack, diabetes etc). They need to know facts like this, if it runs in families, and you won't know unless you contact him. You also probably have lots of other questions you want answered by him. My advice would be to go ahead, but be prepared that he might not want to know you, especially if he has another family now. Hard I know, but don't have any preconceived ideas that it will all be wonderful, you then won't be hurt so much. On the bright side you could form a wonderful relationship with your real dad and any children you have, or are likely to have, will have a grandad!! Good luck whatever you decide x

Answer 3

I don't know the reason for the loss of contact. You always have pros and cons contacting of finding out who your parents are.

It is good just to have closure, maybe get questions answered, help you understand where you get some of your personality traits or looks from, but also any health issues that you can come up will help you know from where it stems.

Ultimately you will achieve some type of peace of mind in finding him. Whenever you do make contact just be prepared for the possible pain that comes if he chooses not to respond. Sometimes it hurts MORE to feel that rejection, then hoping and wonderment of thinking he’s out there somewhere. If you do find him, and de doesn't respond, at least try to get his address to write him to get your feelings out. Sometimes long lost parents don't respond right away just because it has been so long and don't know how.

I hope you find what you’re looking for. And remember families are the friends and people who love you, and even though they might not be your biological members they are YOUR family and having them you will never be alone.

Good Luck.
D

Answer 4

I Would Write A letter Explaining How You Feel ,Maybe Ask A Friend To Help You With The Letter, I Say This Because Sometimes When I Write A Letter It Sounds Wrong.It Also Helps To Have A Friend. I Wish You Luck Keep Smiling

Answer 5

This is a toughie. Some people find great satisfaction in finding the biological relatives; for others, it's a nightmare. Does your mom have any insights into what you might discover when you find him? Or you might go to the library and find some books by people who have searched and found (or similar stories on the internet) to get some perspective. There are also books with advice about how to go about searching.

Answer 6

when i was 16 i left home and found my dad, i hadn't seen him since i was about 4. i knew what his past was about and why my mum went to court to stop him seeing me. but i had to see him for myself. i have to say i am glad i met him and spent some time with him, but everything my mum said was right. i didn't like him as a person but felt that as he was my dad i had to work at it.
i did for so long, then found it all too much so i stopped seeing him and contracting him. i only got back in contact about 8 years after i had stopped seeing him. he died about 9 months later. i didn't morn, not because i don't have a heart, but because i didn't think i had a right to. he had a wife and a family that had lived and loved him. to me he was my biological father, but i didn't have the feelings. hope this makes sense. is my story. but you never know what the answer will be unless you go find out!

Answer 7

Is it that you have never met him? If yes, I think you should try to look for him because there is the chance that you will form a relationship. There is always the risk of rejection but you will never know if you don't try.
If it is the case that you were in contact and then drifted apart or he left or something, still contact him. As I said, you never know what will happen.
Good luck
x

Answer 8

I did not meet my dad until I was 16 and it only turned out disappointing when I did. Not to say thats what will happen with you though. He is full of empty promises and I wont even let my kids know who he is. They have only seen him from a distance and they wouldn't know him anyway.

Answer 9

I cant tell you what to do but do you have someone who has brought you and you see as your dad? If you do it may be hard for him as well as you and you should be prepared for the fact that you biological father may have another family and they may not know about you.

Answer 10

the best advice i think anyone can give you is follow your heart, what are your instincts telling you to do? I learnt to follow my instincts along time ago and 99 percent of the time they're right. but you have to look at the reason you lost contact. if you do go ahead with it remember that he will be scared too.