me and my friend with benefits are really casual. we hang out, don't always have sex, yet we're still friends with benefits. we've been in this mutual agreement since september 2006. and my main question was just really how long do these things really last? this is my first fwb thing n it's been reallllly hard containing my emotions n keeping them out of the situation, but i'm handling it well. it's a really stupid question to ask, but i guess i just want to see how long it's lasted for all you yahoo answers users :)
2007-02-07 07:41:07 · 13 answers · asked by kissmysta 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
keeping the emotions out of the way. i wanted to add that i have let my emotions known. yet i retracted them immediately. he knows that i like him and that was the only reason i got into the whole deal. but he comes off weird. as though he likes me and cares, yet we're just still friends with benefits.
2007-02-07 07:49:59 · update #1
ah one more thing. we both mutually agreed that if we were to start dating other people that we would stop our friends with benefits thing. he has stated many times that he does not want to hurt me, and didn't want to get into this for that reason.
2007-02-07 07:51:55 · update #2
It took mine many years - okay 10 years- and me finding someone else and getting married to decide I was "the one" he shouldnt have let get away. I have a masters degree, a good job, and am easy to get along with- so why should it have taken him so long? Because I let him have that much of my time to waste! I showed him with my actions that it was okay just to treat me like someone he could call when and if he wanted to, and vice versa. I definitely wasnt blameless. We even both moved on and dated AND BOTH MARRIED and both always came back for what I assume was a mutual need for variety in otherwise committed relationships with others. For me, it was like he was the guy I always wanted but could never have as my own- just out of my reach.
I agree with a previous poster, he will use you in this capacity as long as you let him. Sad thing is, I personally dont think a casual, friends with benefits situation is something two people can ever overcome to be more. If he really liked you in a bigger way, he wouldnt be able to "just" be your friend, sex involved or not. You would mean too much to him to just have you in that capacity.
So, cut your losses now because I promise you will get emotionally involved if it continues. Having the attitude that 'having him in any way, including just sex, is better than not having him at all' is dangerous to your own psyche. Take it from someone who has been there, you ARE better than that. We all are.
I just saw where you added that you admitted to having feelings for him. RUN!
Based on what you posted about him knowing how you feel, and the arrangements you both made if you two find others, he is SOOOO just using you for sex because you are allowing it.
Grow up. One big thing we women learn as we age and mature is that if you allow a man to have the milk for free, he won't buy the cow, EVER! Sorry but that's the basics of life...Move on!
2007-02-07 07:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Meredith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I already know that I'm going against the grain here, but it can last as long as you want it to. The reason I say this is because I've been having a "fwb" thing for 8 years now. A girl and I started "doing the wild thing" and it is always good for both of us. We only see each other about 3 or 4 times a year (we live about 2.500 miles apart). She is 30 years younger than me but really likes to have sex with me. And I can't say that I mind it either.
I moved away from her and got married and she got a pretty steady boyfriend, but whenever I'm in town, we always get together for some absolutely wild sex. Neither one of us could stay away from the other. It's always fantastic sex when we're together. No commitments from either side.
Although I'm a lot older than she, she says that I can and will do more for her than any other man, younger or older. We have no inhibitions between us and we have sex every chance we can when I'm in town. She is always in my room and gives me ANYTHING in the way of sex that I want or need. I do the same for her. We have experimented with different way of having sex and are probably more open about sex than most married folks. I know that she satisfies me more than my wife and she says that I satisfy her more than any other man ever has in her life.
By the way, I'm 58 and she is 27. I know that sounds gross to some, but don't knock it til you try it. No Viagra here baby! She can get me going any time she's in the room. It has never failed yet. And she always has several orgasms, the most she had once was 17. That session lasted for 4 hours. I orgasmed 4 times. It was absolutely wonderful.
2007-02-07 08:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And your different than 90% of most men how? Well maybe except for the length of time you've had a girl friend. Some guys (obviously) have longer relationships but a lot of time that's just because the girl's a doormat and the guy has cheated on her or treated her like crap and she still stays around. Or maybe some other dysfunctional reason. You know what you can do about this? Enjoy your life and add as much real meaning to your life in other areas. You can't have it all. One day, you'll find "the one." And guess what? You won't need any advice because you'll do everything you can to get her and keep her. If you're lucky, you won't be on the receiving end of what you've been doing and you'll stay together. I say add meaningful content to your life because as hard as it is to believe, you actually do regret most of your physical encounters. If most men over the age of 40 are honest with themselves, they do regret a lot of their antics. Not for moral reason but because when you do finally find the one, you wish you had something to special to offer her. Sounds corny but it's true. Don't settle with someone just because you want to settle down. Trust me; when the right one comes along, settling down will come easy.
2016-03-15 08:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends With Benefits Or Relationship
2016-10-19 12:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See this always happens, someone always get emotionally involved, no such thing as friends with benefits! Yeah seems like he's using you more then you are him! It will last until you both allow it to last! but if that's what you both want, nothing wrong with that! I think that's stupid to have so called "friends with benefits" just a sorry excuse to F*ck someone without feeling that guilty and to have a label for it! I have never had a fwb and never will! good luck with yours. I had to add...why do you think your still fwb because he's not ready to be in a relationship! to save yourself some pain I think you need to get away from him fast before you end up crying.
2007-02-07 07:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by ♥AMO♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If two ppl r in this type of relationship without emotions, it can go on forever. But that RARELY is the case. Usually one person does this hoping the other will "come to their sences" and a real committed relationship begins. But again, this never happens either. I agree with the others, the guy will probably keep using you for sex as long as you let it happen. He doesnt need or want anymore than sex or you two would be in a committed relationship by now.
2007-02-07 07:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it healthy to be in a FWB relationship? This is a questions that only you can answer but there will come a moment when you will want out.
Women in general have a tendency to get attached while a guy can be more carefree about a relationship so I believe you are setting yourself up for a fall.
2007-02-07 10:00:55 · answer #7 · answered by Lonely Bàstard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll have to agree with the second answer; a guy will continue to use you if you let him, and if you keep your emotions away from him. But that's not healthy for you; eventually, your emotions will get in the way, and it could have a very messy ending if you don't take control. I've been through this before.
2007-02-07 07:47:17 · answer #8 · answered by bisous148 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never very long and usually these situations always end badly. i would try to get out of it b/c even if you're suppressing your emotions, they will come out at some point, like when he starts actually dating someone. if you really don't care if he sees anyone else, then maybe it could go on for awhile. but if you really didn't care about him seeing anyone, you wouldn't be asking how long its gonna last.
2007-02-07 07:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by yayaya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no time limit. It can go as long as you both want it. (I wish I had that kind of relationship — it sounds like heaven.)
2007-02-07 10:12:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋