My wife and I have been married for 22 years. She had 2 daughters when we married that are now 33 and 35. Both of them are bums. The only time they contacted their mother was to ask for money or to bail them out of legal messes. We bought a house for the younger daughter to live in. She and her boyfriend are supposed to pay rent, but have only paid $300.00 in over a year. She was busted for drug sales and we paid her bail and part of her attorney fee. She has 2 children and the older daughter had 3 children. The older daughter "borrowed" money from us for many years until we finally cut her off. I don't know how many cars we have bought, electric bills and rent payments we have made and messes we have bailed them out of.Should we play hardball with the youngest as well? Her kids are 11 and 1. The 1 year old is here becuse of a planned pregnancy to avoid going to jail. My wife and I are both close to 60 and would like to retire in a few years, but this looks like it will be impossible.
2007-02-07 07:38:57 · 12 answers · asked by geolstone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Our oldest daughter had 4 children, 1 died as an infant. (we paid for the funeral) She gave the other three up when she received her last welfare check and she was told she would have to work at least part time to continue to get state aid. Work is a 4 letter word to her. She hasn't worked a total of 1 year in her entire life.
2007-02-07 07:49:05 · update #1
Um... why do you people keep enabling this behavior by giving them money, buying them cars,giving them a house, and bailing them out?
Sorry, but you and your wife are just as sick as these "kids" if you've continued with this nonsense.
It's now your own fault- stop doing it and you'll have plenty of cash for your retirement.
2007-02-07 07:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this is a hard decision for any parent to make, but it sounds as if you and your wife have done more than could be expected of you. Sell the rental property and put the money away for retirement. The adult children are that - ADULTS. My parents have help me and my family in the past - but it wasn't a continual situation and it wasn't long term. When I was first married and had an infant my husband fell and had to have back surgery. I went to work and my family watched the baby and my mom would bring groceries occasionally and buy clothes for the baby. But once my husband was allowed to return to work (only about 4 months) we told everyone we didn't need anymore help, Sure we struggled to get back on track but WE struggled and WE did it, we didn't rely on others. That's how you grow up.
You and your wife are entering into a stage of your life where you should be able to relax and take time to smell the flowers and enjoy each other again. Don't let worry for these daughters to rush you to an early grave or make your life miserable.
God Bless you and good luck.
2007-02-07 07:55:59 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys have been stepped on way too much, but I would like to say that you might have been a little too easy to step on. Its good to be good to your kids but when they have no respect for you and only hang around for money that is when you have to put your foot down and say " Sorry, not this time" If you believe in God, know that God will take care of the small children, he wont let them need or want for anything. So cut the older ones off and let them know that you are not a bank and its time they got jobs and learned what responsibility is. You have to be more harsh. You have to show them you are not going to take advantage of them. Have you ever heard of Tough Love? Well you need to be tough, you need to tell them NO without feeling guilty! Dont you think its time that you and your wife had your own life instead of having to worry about the grown adults that should take care of theirselves? You have to play hardball with all of them! You just have to, or your going to retire and they will still be holding their hands out waiting for your money! TOUGH LOVE! they should respect you after a while of this!
2007-02-07 11:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by justicenow232 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is dificult, i assume you consider them as your own daugthers, since you have been with them since they where kids.
If that's not what you feel, you have to start thinking like that because if you love the mother, i suppose she is even more concerned about this situation than you are, and if you are not supportive, she will be having besides the load of the bad daugthers, the load of the guilt with you because of that.
On the other hand, this is a big problem, because there are kids involved, and maybe those children of your daugthers are the main reason to try to help them.
I guess it would be rigth to let them to do it aby them self for a while, not solve all of their problems, so they notice that they are in charge now.
When you know there is someone else who can backyou up whenever you need it, it seems easier for you to get in troubles.
Just try to be aware of what happen, just to be sure they at least give their kids an acceptable life, it seems to me like you cannot do so much more for them.
It seems to me like the younger one is the most problematic, and the older one migth have used your help sometimes, but not put you in such situations as the younger, so maybe you cannot treath them the same way.
Maybe you can talk to them, about it before, so they notice you will not be there to solve their problems anymore, in that moment you and your wife should have had a discussion and agreed on what is what you will do, and that if you tell them you are cutting of the help you will reallly do it. Maybe you can force your self by putting most of your money in some kind of investments.
And for the younger, maybe you have to tell her that if she goes to jail, you won't help her, and don't do it, but you have to be secure of what you will do, because that means that you will need to take care of her childrens, or maybe find some foster parents for them.
Maybe if you tell that to her, she will realize what she has to loose, and react, hopefully. But if not, if she kept with the same attitude, maybe you will have to do it, at the moment as she fails.
2007-02-07 08:00:45 · answer #4 · answered by Popocatepetl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let the kids fall on their as-ss. It is time they had some real consequences for what they are and are not doing. If they go to jail , then so be it. Lots of people do time and live just fine through it all. If their kids end up in foster care, so be it. You have got to stop enabling your adult children to abuse you both. Love is free and advice cost nothing. I would have a family meeting of all you children and tell them all, you both are done. Let them all know that calling you in time of need is not going to help them and you will not assist them financially,legally, with bills and or with their own children. You are done and if they need love you have a hug and advice is free. Enjoy the life you have left and you children should be ashamed of what they have asked of you both.
Sincerely,
Tracylyn S
2007-02-07 08:24:32 · answer #5 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm, i know that you can't really say no to your own kid but i think it was not a good decision to keep supporting them after the first couple of times they let you down. Best you can do now is cut them off. This should ( in concept) teach them how to be more responsible but i doubt it will actually work. I feel sorry for your grandkids; they're incoent in all this and i think u should try at least to keep them out of trouble, You can give them a better shot for the future than their parents and they honestly deserve it.
2007-02-07 07:50:21 · answer #6 · answered by ibi_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD...this is not children we are talking about they are grown women and you are helping them be bums..
I understand you love them and are trying to help but is it more important to let them they use and abuse you both like this or have a happy life alone?? You already did your time as parents!
They both made their own beds let them lye in it..Kick them out of the house sell it so you get some money back
.. give them NOTHING in the future be there for the grandkids it is not their fault, but tell the girls to grow up..
2007-02-07 07:45:52 · answer #7 · answered by BLONDE BEAUTY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i finished asking after I became 18 - on uncommon get collectively i have had to ask to borrow funds (like $2000 for a motor vehicle) yet I purely attempt this if that's quite needed and if i visit pay them back interior of a few months - and that i do pay back each penny. see you later as you shop allowing them to i'm certain they'll shop asking - and quite you at the instantaneous are not doing them any favors by technique of bailing them out continuously. Your funds may be extra effective spent enrolling them in some type of monetary budgeting practise type.
2016-11-26 00:17:59 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the answer is fairly obvious. Do you want to continue bailing them out and paying their bills for the sake of your grandchildren or do you want to cut them off so you can live your own lives and they can learn to sink or swim? If you fear for the child's sake, call DSS.
2007-02-07 07:46:30 · answer #9 · answered by Meems 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Cut them both off. They need to learn the hard way sooner or later. My parents do all of this for my younger sister. It's not fair, and it's not right. They're grown women and need to learn how to take care of themselves
2007-02-07 07:42:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋