My SO and I have been together since 02/2004. I got pregnant back in October of 2004, we had a daughter July of 2005. Christmas of that year he proposed. We set a date for October of 2007. In November we decided to change our date to May 5, 2007. SO I got to planning set out a budget for myself, since Im the one paying for it because he has bills that need to be paid. We are in the middle of a big move and yesterday fiance says he wishes he could end all of it. SO in the middle of the frustrations he ends up saying he doesnt want to get married this soon, Im too young (Future F-I-L hates me, and this is the excuse he gives to fiance), we dont have the money, etc. He says he still wants to be with me, he still loves me, he just isnt ready to be married. Then he says that he does want to marry me just not now. I figure already having children and living together is a big enough committment, whats the difference by just making it legal? Should I stay, or just forget about it and leave?
2007-02-07 06:38:57 · 18 answers · asked by Preggo with # 2 YAY! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are doing something small. A little thing on the beach with immediate family and a couple friends. Im not planning something extravagant because frankly thats not what I want. Also Im not pushing anyone, Im just upset that all of a sudden he just doesnt want to get married.
2007-02-08 04:03:52 · update #1
everyone is going to say different things so here is what i think. if you want to get married who says it has to be a big event do something small wait until you get more money and do bigger if you like .6 years ago i went to the court house and got married and we still look back and are happy.yes its a big day but its a big day that puts so many people in deidt. don't sell yourself short in thinking well we are living together so i guess this shouldn't matter. you should mean enough to him that he wants you to have his last name and if he couldn't think of a reason the fact that you had his daughter should be enough, either he wants to or not. its bills you are gonna have bills rather your married or not nothing is perfect, am sure you are a lovely lady its not saying your pushing but think of this most men say they are not ready with you .then you break up and a year and a half later you meet him and tina his new wife at the store. while your waiting, you could find something bigger and better and if not then thats fine there are many women who have raised there kids on their own and have done fine. i had to raise two by myself for almost a year so i know it can be scary but don't make him think that you need him more then he needs you. also think how much you want this you don't wanna look back and know he married you just to divorce you years later cause he isn't happy.
2007-02-07 07:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by sxyrd45 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is a ring on your finger the only thing that's keeping you from being happy? If the answer's no, then just keep the status quo. Marriage isn't everything, unless there are HUGE benefits (insurance or financial for example) to being legally married.
And if you REALLY push this guy to talk the walk, then chances are he'll end up resentful and you could possibly end up in divorce court in fewer years than you've actually been together.
Besides, maybe he feels slightly inferior to you since he's got all these bills to pay and he may not feel like he can support you the way a "husband" should (as he perceives things).
Learn to like your life the way it is at the moment. When things get better financially and mature emotionally, then discuss it again. If in a few years things haven't changed, then consider moving on...if you just can't stand things the way they are.
2007-02-07 07:09:15 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the old saying goes,"Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" You gave him everything he wants without the commitment, so whats the since in fixing something that' not broken, so he thinks.
But, more importantly than anything else is this. Why on earth would you want to marry ANYBODY that doesn't want to, is not sure of, or isn't ready right now for anyway. Love yourself enough to know that you don't have to settle for good enough. If he can't give you what you want find someone that can. Never force someone to do something for you that they don't want to do. How committed do you think he is going to be, if he does this just because you pressured him into it?
I'd rather have all of nothing, than half of something. Wishing you all the best.
2007-02-07 07:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by sleepingbeauty123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st dont have another kid. 2nd give him some time apart. maybe u and the kid need to remove yourselves from the situation. if he does love u and wants to be committed then the time apart will be just what he needs to allow him to make a decision on his own. if u can foor the wedding, u can foot a move. do not give him an ultimatum just let him know that u are giving him space because u do not want to allow the issue of marriage to disrupt the happiness u share right now :) 3rd make sure u want a marriage not just a wedding. yes u are playing married now but that is a whole different ball game after the exchange of vows.
good luck and take care of the kid.
2007-02-07 09:48:03 · answer #4 · answered by ray g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're thinking too much about a wedding and not a marriage. If you wanted to, you could go to a Justice of the Peace and be married very cheaply.
If you propose this to him, and he still doesn't want to get married, then I must say he's got a case of "Why buy the cow..."
You already have a child together. There is no reason he should feel too young for that sort of commitment. It sounds fishy to me. Perhaps he feels he'd like to keep his options open, and date/sleep with someone else if he feels like it.
You need to have a frank discussion. He is not respecting you, and if you want a commitment, you definitely should not keep waiting for him to come around.
2007-02-07 07:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so fast to close the door. You have children with this man and raising children alone is no joke. I think you should wait and see what happens. Continue to enjoy your family, enjoy your children and each other. Marriage is a commitment but you already did the rest. Children is one major part. You already established a trust. Listen, there are woman who least worry is marriage. I am one of them my child father and I are separated and I am waiting to see if we are going to get back together relationship wise. Keep your head up and keep your support because it's a rocky road out here. I feel he will marry you one day he just have cold feet. Try being around couples that are married and he will get influenced.
2007-02-07 06:54:59 · answer #6 · answered by Jamonican 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's a man's point of view.... he's already somewhat committed because you have children. It is true he might just not ready to be married right now, but that doesnt mean he is trying to end it forever. I would say give him sometime (but not forever) to figure out what he wants to do with his career and life.
2007-02-07 06:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of differences between living together and being married.
If you 2 are happy right now, then I would stay. Marriage wont improve on that so if he is not ready..whats the rush?
2007-02-07 06:46:24 · answer #8 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! He doesn't want to get married right now and you should not push the issue. If you push the issue then it will only push him away. No one can tell you to stay with the father of your child or leave. That decision is up to you. You have to do what is best for you and your child.
2007-02-07 07:23:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't push him. If someone wants to get married you don't have to force him. Things are moving pretty fast in your relationship, maybe he just needs some time.
Take your time. Don't walk out of a good relationship because of a ring and a sheet of paper. Afterall, it won't mean that you two or happy, it just means you're married.
Take your time....and give him time....
2007-02-07 14:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by Chica Creole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋