My boyfriend and I have been going out for just over a year. We're both 19 and going to college and stuff. We used to see each other every day and spend a LOT of time together. But when he had to drop his EMT class because he got below an 80% in the class, his parents blamed me. Now we see each other (if we're lucky) about an hour every other day. His parents won't let me go anywhere with him and if we are fortunate enough to have the day off together, they limit the time we have with him. He is taking EMT again this semester and I am helping him study and stuff to help and maybe change their minds, but they still disapprove of me. Everything I do just isn't enough. I've tried talking to them, but they just think I'm going to ruin his life forever. It's not fair, they won't even give me a chance to speak. I am really starting to hate them, but I am absolutely in love with him. We're trying to plan our lives out together, but he's still financially dependent on them. What should I do?
2007-02-07 05:52:24 · 17 answers · asked by Rebecca 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow. This has got to be hard, but you also know the answer. Hang in there. Try to be respectful and tolerant towards them even when they aren't acting that way towards you. You have to tolerate them for him....not for them. Wait it out. You are young...you will both eventually have plenty of time together separate from them if you chose to spend it together.
2007-02-07 05:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're just protective.
No parent wants to admit that their son or daughter failed so they put the blame on someone else.
You didn't seem to have a problem before the EMT.
If he passes this time and he explains that you helped him every step of the way, they will come to appreciate you. It's almost like Love story when you look at it.
I'm sure everything will work out. The good news is you don't have to live with them and once he's no longer financially dependant he can call his own shots.
2007-02-07 05:58:17 · answer #2 · answered by Johnny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's reasonable that the amount of time you spend together should be limited, especially if his grades are slipping. Try to adopt a "work hard, play hard" philosophy - when you're apart, you focus on your studies, and when you're together, you focus on each other. Maybe instead of seeing each other for short time every day, you settle for weekend dates, and limit yourself to brief phone conversations during the week. That way, the week is "study time" and he can devote himself to his studies without feeling he is giving up "girlfriend time."
Realize that his parents just have his best interests at heart - it's not that they hate you, it's that they love him. Try to address their concerns by assuring them that you agree with them - his career is important and you want to help him improve his grades - even even if it means absenting yourself to allow him time to focus. Even if they won't let you speak, you can always write them a letter. Keep being nice to them and try to see their point of view, because they are important in your boyfriend's life and may be your future in-laws.
2007-02-07 06:05:04 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are both adults. See him whenever you can. Why should the parents be informed of visits together. Their minds are made up (I am a mother of 2... 19 & 24 yr olds) Respect that they don't like you and stay away from thier home, see him in other places. REMEMBER.... "House Rules, My House My Rules" LOL Sucks, but that is how it goes. : ) In the mean time, focus on helping the man you love be successful as he should be supportive of you. Very best of luck. Pray on it!
2007-02-07 06:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by Krystal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he worth it? Remember, this is just the beginning. The chances of this ever changing are very slim and iyou'll have to decide if this something you want to deal with for the rest of your life?
You have to weigh the ups and downs and make a decision. Parents can be a pain.....I know, but they are kind of important. Good luck.
2007-02-07 05:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to stand up to his parents somewhat. If he is financially dependent on him they have some control over his life, but at 19 if they are still controlling who they "let" him see then something is wrong. He needs to speak up to them and say that he knows they disapprove, but you are his girl and they are going to have to deal with it as long as you two are together.
Furthermore, just get pregnant with his baby, that will win them over for sure.
2007-02-07 05:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by red_necksuck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should give him (his parents) some space. Wait until he is finished with the course and try to slowly work your way back in. Remember, when you marry anyone you also end up marrying his/her family too. Chances are he's not going to sacrifice his family for you, and you shouldn't ask him to. Try to get into their good graces--after some time has passed. It'll be a rough road if they continue to dislike you.
2007-02-07 05:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by Nichole H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue doing what you are currently doing, helping him to concentrate on his education. His parents are worried that their dreams of their son to complete his education will be jeopardised in some way. Since he is currently financially dependant on them then he nor you have no other choice but to honor his parents wishes. My concern would be if this problem with his parents would be an ongoing thing and if he would be able to one day stand up to them. Anyway, that would be my upmost worry if I were you.
2007-02-07 05:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to put up with his parents untill he is out of their home. Be respectful to but not especially nice. Try to see your boyfriend away from his home. Try seeing him every other day so that his parents get the idea that you want to give him time to study. Every other day isnt that difficult...
2007-02-07 05:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by CABear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...first, graduate from college...and focus on getting a JOB, so you can support your new life together. Help your boyfriend pass his class with flying colors, then as long as he keeps up the good work, his parents will start softening up. Try to stay on his parent's good side. It will all work out.
--Tamino
2007-02-07 05:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by Tamino 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋