How do you tell people that think they would be invited to your wedding that they aren't (because of money)?

Question

I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but we are having to cut (for the third time) our guest list. Some of these people probably just assume they are invited and that it is going to be a big wedding. However, we just can't afford to invite as many people as we were hoping because we are paying for everything ourselves (which we've known all along) and the cash just isn't there.

Any suggestions for letting people down easy when they ask where their invitation is?

thanks.

Answer 1

Depends on how important those people are in your future. Consider cutting out the food and just have a cake and some snacks.....And you can invite everyone.

Answer 2

Yes. You tell them you are sorry but space is limited (and money, perhaps) and you have had to pare the list down. You are sorry but that's the way it is. Then, be prepared for some hurt feelings, as you cannot avoid this type of thing when cutting people off the list. However, some may be grateful you did, as believe it or not, not everyone is eager to go to a bunch of weddings, spend money on an outfit to wear, a gift, and all the other stuff that goes along with it.

Answer 3

I am currently in this same situation, and people I never dreamed would want to come to my wedding are coming out of the woodwork asking for their invitation. I tell them straight off the bat that although I'd love for them to come, we're keeping it immediate family only due to our budget restrictions. (We are also footing the bill ourselves and the amount of money we have to spend is very small.)

Many of them who considered themselves key friends have gotten their feelings hurt, as well as those we haven't heard from in years. We spread the word from the start that it would be a very small affair thinking that would help, but it hasn't. No matter what, someone is going to be hurt that they're not invited. Decent people will understand but be disappointed, self-centered jerks will not and carry on and on. From what I've noticed, the people that carry on about it are insulted only for the fact that they're not invited, not the fact that they can't attend...even though these are the same people who would have complained about coming in the first place. It's like an 'inclusion' thing, and they see themselves as the head of the group? But, once they find out they're not the only ones, it seems to take the bite out of it.

For those who kept on and gave us lip, we told them that they were not the only one's upset. We wish we could invite everyone, but they have to understand that we are paying for everything ourselves, have cut corners until there's nothing left to cut, and unless we win the lottery or they want to foot the bill, the small guest list will have to remain as it is.

We're having the wedding and reception at the same place, have decided against a groom's cake, minimal to no decorations, our friend is going to video, and many other little things in order to have even the small affair we're having. If people can't understand your situation, then they really didn't need to be there in the first place.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Wow...that's a sticky situation. They probably will not ask where their invitation is if they have any tact at all. Here is my suggestion. Cut your wedding way down to only family and closest friends. Have the wedding videotaped...by someone who knows what they are doing. Then, a month or so after your wedding, have all of the people you would have invited to your wedding over to your house for a carry-in dinner and show the video. (If your house is too small, see if you can have it at one of your friend's houses if it is larger. They will most likely be honored.) You may even want to send out invitations to the "after the wedding party" at the same time you send out invitations to the people you choose to actually have at your wedding. You can explain your situation on the party invitations. i am certain most people will understand the financial hardship involved with a wedding. Just tell your friends that you want to have a small, intimate ceremony with just family but you will share the video with them. i really hope this helps. Best wishes...and congrats! ;)

Answer 5

Let it spread by word of mouth that the wedding will be small. Don't call them to explain or anything, but let them hear it through the grapevine. Then, don't send them invitations; but be sure you don't invite them to any showers or anything either. It's very rude to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding.

If they call to ask where their invitation is, just explain that you are having a very small wedding and you couldn't everyone you would have wanted to. But they probably won't call, because that's rude and awkward.

Answer 6

You know, this is a tough one and I just went through it. There were quite a few people I had to cut. The truth is that no matter what you do someone is not going to like it and someone will get their feelings hurt. I still have people (and people I never even thought to invite) make comments to me about not having been invited. I just blow it off and tell them we were already overbooked. They'll get over it or they'll pout but it's not really your problem.

Answer 7

I had to do this just yesterday. My elderly aunt asked if my cousin's daughter would be invited. I had invited my cousin, but I'm not close at all to my second-cousin, we've never had any sort of bond. I told my aunt gently that our venue has a capacity of 75, and our guest list is already at 83 (which is true), and we had to draw the line somewhere. She understood, but that didn't make it any easier.

Tell the truth; nobody can fault you for that. Good luck.

Answer 8

We decided to have a small intimate wedding just family. People cant argue with that - or be honest we are doing what we can afford and unfortunately we cant invite everyone we would like to.

Answer 9

Tell them the truth...you cannot afford to have a huge wedding and it's going to be a very personal wedding (family and close friends only). Most people are very understanding especially if they've planned or helped plan a wedding before.

Answer 10

You could invite them to the wedding ceremony via email telling them that the reception is just for family, explain that costs are sky-rocketing and you wish you could have invited them. Tell them gifts are not necessary.

You could also invite them to the reception after the meal is over. Just be completely honest about family ties and being broke. Tell them how expensive the plate service is, if your talking candidly with them you can just say "they're charing us $100 a plate! Then ask the ones you really like out for drinks or have them over for dinner after the honeymoon is over and the stress is gone.

Answer 11

Tell them it is a small private wedding and it is only going to be your immediate families and close family friends only. Tell them too that you are sorry you could not include everyone and thank them for their thoughts and wishes. Remember this is your special day. Don't worry about what everyone else is thinking. Enjoy this time, don't stress over things like this, they will be ok and understand. If they are mad they will get over it, they should not be, this is your moment. Your friends and family love you and they will understand. Good luck and Congrats!!!!!