Why do people automatically assume that homeschoolers are social retards, and completely deprived?

Question

I am active in church, volunteer at a library, and take semi-private music lessons. I am part of a drama team and a choral group. My homeschooled friends have similar activities, and one of my homeschooled friends is basically the most social person that I know.
I took the ACT test in seventh grade and scored a twenty (higher then a senior I know). I have always been able to keep up with, and often surpass my friends in public school. I love to read and write, and have a much bigger vocabulary then the majority of my friends.
And yet I am often considered deprived, sometimes even by my friends. I am constantly asked "Don't you miss your friends?" and "Why aren't you in school?". It drives me insane.
Who else has this problem, and how do you deal with it?

Yes, there are some grammar mistakes in what I wrote... That's what I get for listening to music and typing at the same time.

Answer 1

I think that people are finally just beginning to change their minds a little on this subject. I know quite a few children that are homeschooled and some are highly intelligent, others are a little behind. It is important that a person is not simply home schooling to get out of doing so much work. And the home school should have a good reputation. But the reason people sometimes assume the negative is because there are indeed some people who have no business trying to teach their children required accademic fields. Especially things like math if the parents have no clue how to do it. Many times people are too proud to say they don't know how to do it, or teach it. But as I said, things are changing. More and more people are home schooling and it is not because their children have learning disabilities. Instead it is for reasons like the fact that schools are no longer a safe environment for learning in some areas.

Another issue with home schooling is that some miss out on the social aspect of school. I stress 'some' because I would say that the majority do not have this problem. But the few that do give a wrong perception of the collective persons who are home schooled are unfortunatley the ones that people make up their opinions by. The more people leave public and private schools for home school, the better the perception should become.

On a personal note, I have a cousin who was ahead for his age in speaking and reading who is now autistic. The reason he has become autistic is from the required shots and vaccines that children are required to have before they start school. Because of this, my brother decided not to get my niece vaccinated and is therefore not able to go to public school. She is only four, so she would be starting kindergarden next year. Instead, she will be home schooled, and with as smart as she already is, I am sure that she will be annoyed by this current perception of home schoolers when she gets older.

Answer 2

Because insecure people want to build up their own egos by putting other people down. They can make themselves feel great about their social lives if they assume homeschooled kids have none. You can turn this around too. Why do some homeschooled kids and parents in this thread imply that schooled kids never socialize outside of the school building? The church groups, scouts, martial arts, dance etc... have members who are homeschooled and schooled. The community is open to everyone. School groups and homeschool groups are the only members only activities. Most homeschooled kids I know don't limit themselves to only homeschool activities. Ditto for schooled kids. Insecure people need to tell others their group is superior. Insecure people have the need to associate strongly with a group. I know it p*sses you off, but it's something to let go of. You know the truth and your successes will prove that.

Answer 3

Having been practically homeschooled for my entire life I know this much for certain:

Although the physical process of being homeschooled alone does not render one a 'social retard'; there is the undeniable fact that homeschooled children are faced with the perfect opportunity to become socially isolated from their peers if their parents so direct. This is why the person/s responsible for homeshcooling a child must include their children in activites outside of home. I do not mean to state the obvious, however, there are cases of which I know where parents have completely isolated their children. Having seen the affect of such isolation on children; I cannot stress how important it is that the child feels they are normal, this can only be achieved with a healthy balance of home and out-of-home life.

In relation to your friends having trouble understanding how you stay 'normal' even though you are homeschooled; the best I can suggest is that you honestly explain to them that there is no problem with the way you are schooled. You must remember also that if you are bright and you're friends feel as if you are better than them they will not understand how to cope.

Answer 4

I haven't even started home schooling my children yet, but am already getting such questions upon the topic coming up, “Oh, but how will they make friends; how will they socialize.” I remind them that children rarely are free to socialize in school, only at recess (10 minutes) and lunch time (50 minutes), but mostly do so after school, on weekends, or at other activities such as Boy Scouts, soccer, or just hanging out with the neighbourhood kids. Two of my best friends went to different schools than I did, so how on earth did that happen?

Just the term, "home school"; people assume that you are at home all the time. Just as people assume "vegetarians" only eat "vegetables" or "house wives" only take care of the "house chores" or that being a "Christian" revolves around "Jesus Christ".

I’m not perfect myself, but I should also point out that there are many public schooled people, especially younger ones at this time, who also do not know the difference between 'then' and 'than', so do not feel too left out about that either. Keep an eye on your/you're, good/well, anyway/anways, and the such too.

Answer 5

Hey, great question. You have already received many great responses, so I do not have much to add, other than, I have two grandchildren living in Virginia who are home-schooled, and I must tell you, they are anything but socially stunted. Their mother and father have ensured they both have an extensive social life via organized outside activities, in addition to neighbors and friends.

I would not worry too much, though I can understand your concerns. Learn all you can learn, experience all that you can experience and be the best you can be. I am sure you will do well and there is not one reason you should not, it has been well documented that home-schooled children often excel the vast majority of those in public schools and for those who choose to go to college, they often graduate with honors. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

i dont think that homeschooled kids would have that much less contact with other kids, in most areas anyway. the only kids i know who were homeschooled, always did group things with other families, so they still made friends and everything.
i think the biggest difference would be all the stupid little fads that go around all the time, which by the time you finish school, dont matter a bit anyway!
i think you would have a better group of friends because you would choose the friends you have rather than having to share a classroom with them everyday whether you like it or not. you socialise with only the ones you want to.

Answer 7

Well...according to my husband...when homeschooling became popular in the 90's, first people objected to it educationally. That is, they said that hs'ed kids could not POSSIBLY be receiving a good education. When studies proved that wrong, they had to move on to another criticism, so they chose the social aspect.

I would say that I have met many people who have strong opinions on hsing that know nothing about it, and this is where that social aspect opinion fits in.

I think you also have to ask yourself how socially acceptably kids from public schools act. Any adult who is actually around them and is willing to be honest will say that they exhibit many socially unacceptable behaviors. There are plenty of wall-flowers that attend school, but people say it is the child's personality to be withdrawn or unsocial. If a hs'ed kid is in a group but does not get involved, then people say it is homeschooling.

Really, since you know the truth, I wouldn't worry about it. I have for years now just not worried what people say about hsing, because I realize they are speaking from ignorance and can't be blamed for what they don't know.

Answer 8

i am homeschool and in the 9th grade. people come up to me and say " do you have a social life?". it is the most dumb question that has ever been asked to me in my life! just because i am not in public school and don't have much people to talk to in my school, doesn't mean i am an antisocial. i am a teen volunteer at my public library, i take music, dancing, debate, and choir lessons. i love to go to the movies and the mall. in my opinion i am an excellent dresser. i sound like an ordinary 15 year old girl. im just homeschool. i totally agree with you!

Answer 9

It is because of the homeschoolers we meet. Think about it. A family chooses to homeschool their children. If the parents are educated, responsible, and organized, the children will do very well in homeschool. In fact, they will probably excel. But for the most part they will be in their own world. They will be involved with other homeschoolers in special classes, activities, and often church groups. Rarely will they meet children and adults that are in the “schooled” social circles. They will often go all the way through high school without much interaction with people in the “schooled” areas and so we never see how educated, active, social and so on they are.

Who do we see? Two main groups. The parents who tried to homeschool, but couldn’t. Either they didn’t have enough education themselves and/or weren’t organized and disciplined enough to truly work with their children. These children enter either public or private school behind their peers either academically or socially, or both, and sadly become the baseline the “schooled” world uses to judge all homeschoolers.

The other group is the “late in life” homeschoolers. They are the parents who consistently find fault with every school, program and teacher that their children come in contact with. In the case of one of mine this year, I had a 7 year old child who had been through 5 schools and 11 teachers. (Think- that is in two years!) The child’s father, who can’t read, constantly stormed into my classroom screaming at the top of his lungs complaining about everything; the other children, the other teachers, the homework, the schoolwork, lunch… . When he didn’t get an answer he liked, he screamed at the other 19 children in the classroom , “Say good-bye to your teacher cuz she ain’t goin’ be your teacher no more, I’m goin’ put her in jail!”

Eventually, the child was removed from my classroom and after 3 weeks the father started to do the same thing to the new teacher. When he was informed that there weren’t any other options left for his child, he took her out to “homeschool” her. Do you really think this child will have any real social skills? Besides social skills, I worry greatly about her academic skills. How can a man who can barely read and write himself, teach his own children?

Yes, I know you are thinking, “But that is an aberration, something out of the ordinary, an extreme case." I wish that was true, but in my school we have at least one situation like this a year. Sadly, these children, and the ones for whom homeschooling "didn't work", are usually the only homeschooled children we have experience with.

A fair assessment of the average homeschooler? No. But sadly realistic examples of our only experiences.

Answer 10

Thank you!!!!!!!! This is every homeschoolers pet peeve. People don't like different. They don't like to admit that academically, most homeschoolers perform better. They don't like to admit that ONLY during public school are you surrounded by 20+ other students your same age. They hate it. They are too narrow-minded to think that you don't have to be in public school to be social and learn. I was more social after I was homeschooled.