How do you deal with the death of a loved one? I can't get over the loss of my mom (14yrs ago) How to cope?

Question

I used to be a firm believer in God, but with all the tragedies in our family--where is God? It isn't because I didn't have enough faith. Now it scares me that when people die, they're just dead like a plant or something. I start into a panic and feel lost, alone. Then I look at the bigger picture--war victims, murders, all the past celebrities I loved are dying, etc. Tell me something to give me hope.

I want no drugs to make me numb--I want to just get on with life and live. Serious replies only.

Answer 1

You will never get over your lost. Just do things in her honor. Visit her grave often, talk about her, pray, and do things to make you happy. She would be proud if you would do all those things. She would want you happy!

Answer 2

It's perfectly okay to grieve the loss of a loved one, but it sounds like it's bothered you for a really long time. Mental health people say it should last about three months; you're way beyond that. I take medication for depression and I'm not "numb"--I'm the same person I always was. I remember being afraid to take an antidpressant because I thought it would change my personality--it didn't. Talk to a doctor.

About the religious part of your question: I don't think religion is here to make us believe life on earth is without pain and sorrow. I don't know what your religious background is, but it seems to me that the most religious people in history often suffer the most, or they have greater strength to be around other people who suffer. Belief in a religion is supposed to help you rise above sorrow. I'm sorry to hear you feel that way.

But remember that we are limited by this body while we live in this world, and treatment from a doctor will probably help you.

Answer 3

Wow that is a big question. i too lost a parent . My dad passed away a little over 2 years ago. I am a christian and in love witht he Lord but when he died I too had a time of wondering why. I can tell you no matter what others may think or say they are not just dead like a plant . I know beyond a shadow of a doubt my father is in heaven , not not just one but both , my heavenly Father and my dad. God has truly shown me His love and tenderness through this experience . There is a reason for everything. God knows you better than you know yourself and loves you more tan you can ever phathom. I know the feeling of wondering how to cope and move on. Put your trust in the Lord , because through Him all things are possible. God is gracious merciful and caring . He is also a parent of His children he will take care of them.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 26 and haven't seen my mother since I was 7 years old. When I was 16, I received a phone call that she had passed away of Leukemia. For me, it was like she died twice. I am a firm believer in God and have had a lot of tragedy in my life - including (physical) child abuse. It's hard to find God amidst tragedy, always wondering "how could he let this happen?" A close friend of mine always tells me that these things aren't the work of God but of sin and satan. God never wants any of us to suffer that is why He is there to comfort us when we need him. When ever I'm upset, thinking aobut how much I wish my mom had been a part of life or had lived long enough for me to find her now that i'm older, I talk to God and ask for comfort.
When people die, they aren't just "gone". You should listen to the song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" by Steve Wariner.

Keep praying and believing.

One day, shy and 8 years old
When grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy
Blowing out that birthday cake
How i cried when the sky let go
With a cold lonesome rain
My mom smiled, said "Don't be sad child.
Grandma's watching you today."

Chorus
Cause there are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Seasons come and seasons go
Nothing stays the same
I grew up, fell in love
Met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
In this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord, I sure do miss her now

Chorus
Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how I know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now
To see her lovely smile
They throw the rice, I catch her eye
As the rain starts coming down
She takes my hand says, "Daddy don't be sad
Cause I know Mama's watching now."

Chorus
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how I know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me.

Answer 5

Well the first thing to do is let your Mom go, her soul can not rest if you keep mourning her, let her enjoy where she is without worrying about you. Set her free!!! Second I hear you about the God thing, and its easy to lose faith when so many bad things happen to so many good people. I wonder sometime too what really happens after death? do they just shove us in the dirt. Its really what ever you want to beleive, dont lose your faith, you are alive for a reason!!! you have a purpose, Make your Mom proud, have faith and beleive in the goodness of Man,. Not all people are bad. Its just a crazy world. Be strong.

Answer 6

I lost my Mom 13 years ago and I still miss her. But I know that she is in a better place where she has no more cancer, and is in no more pain.
she still comes around me though, because I smell her perfume. I know that eventually, someday I will see her again, along with my other loved ones. Dying is just another part of living. We are born into this world, and grow up and then leave to go "back" home again. Please read Sylvia Browne's "The Other Side and Back". She will explain everything and help you to understand hoe living and dying are natural.

Answer 7

Just believe that they are not here on earth suffering like we are. I lost my mother 8 years ago very suddenly. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her or wondering if she is proud of me. I do know this, if you give up on life, then life will give up on you. Think about the people that you have now... how would they deal without you. Try seeing a counselor. Someone who can be very objective so you can vent. It helps a lot of people. Just don't give up.

Answer 8

You need grief counseling. Some places have group therapy for grief. You can share your loss with others and it will help you recover. I lost my mother 15 years ago and I think about her everyday.
Think about the fact that she wouldn't want you to be so unhappy. She left you many happy memories and you should focus on that. And another point -- Now I look in the mirror and I can see my mother. I am starting to look like her. I'll bet you can see resemblances to your mother, too.

Answer 9

hmmm its nice to know im not the only one going through that my mom passed 2 and a half years ago i wa 6 months pregnant im 27 now but it just happened out of know were one night i told her good night then 2 hours later my brother came in screaming saying she died it was the worst moment in my life not to say sorry or to say goodbye or most important to tell her i loved her since i never told her the last time was when i was 12 and my son was 4 at the time he loved her so much and it was hard i cry everyday i have dreams about her at night and at times they are not good i cant even look at pictures or go to the cemeterey its to hard for me i am always scared of death just like you im not the same person anymore im scared o everything im always sad i dont know i thought maybe i was going crazy everyone says let her go but i cant i just wont except it ut its so good to hear that im not alone cause i feel alone like im the only person who goes through this i know its tough and im sure u miss her very much im very sorry that its still so hard for you i always relive that night everyday over and over the screams and cryys i dont know i thought with time i would be over it but im not but sometimes just to get through the day i pretend she is just on a trip and that she will be back funny huh? but i just want to say that if u need someone to talk to im here it makes it easier to talk to someone who is going through the same thing and can really understand not just pretend they know how u fel so i wish u the best and take care.....sincerly corina

Answer 10

A NEW YORK (U.S.A.) man relates: "My son Jonathan was visiting friends a few miles away. My wife, Valentina, didn't like him to go out there. She was always nervous about the traffic. But he loved electronics, and his friends had a workshop where he could get practical experience. I was at home in west Manhattan, New York. My wife was away visiting her family in Puerto Rico. 'Jonathan will be back soon,' I thought. Then the doorbell rang. 'That'll be him for sure.' It wasn't. It was the police and paramedics. 'Do you recognize this driver's license?' the police officer asked. 'Yes, that's my son's, Jonathan's.' 'We've got bad news for you. There's been an accident, and . . . your son, . . . your son has been killed.' My first reaction was, 'It can't be true!' That bombshell opened a wound in our hearts that is still healing, even years later."

A father in Barcelona (Spain) writes: "Back in the Spain of the 1960's, we were a happy family. There were María, my wife, and our three children, David, Paquito, and Isabel, aged 13, 11, and 9 respectively.

"One day in March 1963, Paquito came home from school complaining of severe head pains. We were baffled as to what could be the cause—but not for long. Three hours later he was dead. A cerebral hemorrhage had snuffed out his life.

"Paquito's death took place over 30 years ago. Even so, the deep pain of that loss stays with us to this day. There is no way that parents can lose a child and not feel that they have lost something of themselves—regardless of how much time passes or how many other children they may have."

These two experiences, where parents lost children, illustrate how deep and lasting the wound is when a child dies. How true the words of a doctor who wrote: "The death of a child is usually more tragic and traumatic than the death of an older person because a child is the last person in the family expected to die. . . . The death of any child represents the loss of future dreams, relationships [son, daughter-in-law, grandchildren], experiences . . . that have not yet been enjoyed." And this sense of deep loss can also apply to any woman who has lost a baby through miscarriage.

A bereaved wife explains: "My husband, Russell, had served as a medical aide in the Pacific theater during World War II. He had seen and survived some terrible battles. He came back to the United States and to a more tranquil life. Later he served as a minister of God' Word. In his early 60's he began to have symptoms of a heart problem. He tried to lead an active life. Then, one day in July 1988, he suffered a massive heart attack and died. His loss was devastating. I never even got to say good-bye. He was not just my husband. He was my best friend. We had shared 40 years of life together. Now it seemed that I had to face a special loneliness."

These are just a few of the thousands of tragedies that strike families throughout the world every day. As most grieving persons will tell you, when death takes your child, your husband, your wife, your parent, your friend, it is truly what the Christian writer Paul called it, "the last enemy." Often the first natural reaction to the dreadful news may be denial, "It can' be true! I don' believe it." Other reactions often follow, as we will see.—1 Corinthians 15:25, 26.

However, before we consider the feelings of grief, let us answer some important questions. Does death mean the end of that person? Is there any hope that we can see our loved ones again?



There Is a Real Hope




The Bible writer Paul offered hope of relief from that "last enemy," death. He wrote: "Death is to be brought to nothing." "The last enemy to be abolished is death." (1 Corinthians 15:26, The New English Bible ) Why could Paul be so sure of that? Because he had been taught by one who had been raised from the dead, Jesus Christ. (Acts 9:3-19) That is also why Paul could write: "Since death is through a man [Adam], resurrection of the dead is also through a man [Jesus Christ]. For just as in Adam all are dying, so also in the Christ all will be made alive."—1 Corinthians 15:21, 22.

Jesus was deeply grieved when he met a widow of Nain and saw her dead son. The Bible account tells us: "As [Jesus] got near the gate of the city [Nain], why, look! there was a dead man being carried out, the only-begotten son of his mother. Besides, she was a widow. A considerable crowd from the city was also with her. And when the Lord caught sight of her, he was moved with pity for her, and he said to her: 'Stop weeping.' With that he approached and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still, and he said: 'Young man, I say to you, Get up!' And the dead man sat up and started to speak, and he gave him to his mother. Now fear seized them all, and they began to glorify God, saying: 'A great prophet has been raised up among us,' and, 'God has turned his attention to his people.'" Notice how Jesus was moved with pity, so that he resurrected the widow's son! Imagine what that portends for the future!—Luke 7:12-16.

There, in front of eyewitnesses, Jesus performed an unforgettable resurrection. It was a token of the resurrection that he had already predicted some time prior to this event, a restoration to life on earth under "a new heaven." On that occasion Jesus had said: "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out."—Revelation 21:1, 3, 4; John 5:28, 29; 2 Peter 3:13.

Other eyewitnesses to a resurrection included Peter, along with some others of the 12 who accompanied Jesus on his travels. They actually heard the resurrected Jesus speak by the Sea of Galilee. The account tells us: "Jesus said to them: 'Come, take your breakfast.' Not one of the disciples had the courage to inquire of him: 'Who are you?' because they knew it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise. This was now the third time that Jesus appeared to the disciples after his being raised up from the dead."—John 21:12-14.

Therefore, Peter could write with utter conviction: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for according to his great mercy he gave us a new birth to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."—1 Peter 1:3.

The apostle Paul expressed his confident hope when he said: "I believe all the things set forth in the Law and written in the Prophets; and I have hope toward God, which hope these men themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous."—Acts 24:14, 15.

Millions therefore can have the solid hope of seeing their loved ones alive again on earth but under very different circumstances. What will those circumstances be? Further details of the Bible-based hope for our lost loved ones will be discussed in the final section of this brochure, entitled "A Sure Hope for the Dead."

But first let us consider questions you may have if you are grieving over the loss of a loved one: Is it normal to grieve this way? How can I live with my grief? What can others do to help me cope? How can I help others who are grieving? And principally, What does the Bible say about a sure hope for the dead? Will I ever see my loved ones again? And where?