i recently began talking to a wonderful guy, we seem to have a lot in common and we have good conversations. being the age of technology i "meet" him online, we have not meet since we began talking 2 weeks ago. i will meet him next weekend for the first time on a double date (saftey first!) my question is when and how do i tell him i abstain from sex? it began as personal reasons 3 yrs ago but has evolved into a spiritual abstaination (if thats a word!) now abstaining to me doesnt include 1st and maybe 2nd base but he isnt as spiritual as i am, though he comes from a church going family so i am sure he would understand. but maybe he wont this is the 21st centry, right?! any thoughts?
2007-02-07 04:50:56 · 6 answers · asked by The Fabulous Miss S. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would definitely get it out there so you don't waist your time or his. If you think it would be to hard to tell him in person then maybe you should do it on line before you even meet. Why take the chance of meeting him and liking him for him to just blow you off because of your life choices.
2007-02-07 04:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by tonafun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were for spiritual reasons I wouldn't even get into the base thing; there's no reason why you can't have a perfectly normal platonic relationship with the guy. Most men wouldn't understand a relationship, without the sex, if it weren't defined in that way. Better that you take an all or nothing approach, than to let him do some things, and then either you or him succumb later on.
If you've been talking 2 weeks ago that's like 8 months on-line so I'd go ahead and tell him now and get it out the way. If you're not going to tell him on-line, or feel that it is something better left to do in person do it when you have him alone, once you're comfortable enough to meet him alone, if and when. The only advantage of doing it now, on-line, is that if he isn't for it, or that's the only reason he's in it is for that, you'll find out quickly, with a minimum of disappointment. If you have a few double dates and feel that it's right to meet him alone he may indeed expect that when you two first meet; on-line, given the chemistry, it's sort of rare, or unrealistic, not to expect that to happen once you do meet up in real life so that could lead to more of a confrontation if you wait that long. You may want to resort to those same reasons you're not doing to give you some guidance and perspective on how to break to someone as well, because we honestly do not know the entire situation on here ...
2007-02-07 13:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when you meet him just start out with a nice conversation then try to smooth that you are celibate. I am telling you that it maybe better if you tell him that way because if you lead him on he may be disappionted because he maybe looking for someone else. so try not to lead a person on.... Good Luck!!!
2007-02-07 12:57:00 · answer #3 · answered by rican mami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best to tell him by no later than your second date....Back when I was a virgin....I told a guy upfront before I dated them. I found that even the one's that said they understood, did not. If he respects you and really wants to be with you, he will understand. He may not like it, but hopefully he will understand. But just so you know, not that many guys "understand"...Best Wishes....hope all ends well.
2007-02-07 12:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by onecrazypeach 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't lead people on, and don't mislead people. If YOU are thinking about it, chances are that HE'S normal and he's thinking about it. Don't screw up his life.
Bail.
2007-02-07 12:59:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
girlfriend if he really likes you he'll be alright just bring it up when you are ready
2007-02-07 12:58:39 · answer #6 · answered by drightchristy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋