Alright, so my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on Sunday- and it really hurt. It wasn't a bad break-up; he broke up with me because he has to move to Indianapolis due to the fact that his race team is doing so well now, and he doesn't want to be tied down because he needs to focus all of his attention on his career. And I am very happy that his race team is doing so well- but I am still really upset. Is it wrong to feel so upset and hurt? I can't help but to think I am being selfish. Am I? We are both 20, and I always knew this was a possibility since I first met him- but I guess after a year of being exclusive, I thought that I meant more to him. This is the first real long term relationship that I have ever had- I truly loved and cared about him a lot. How can I get over this?
2007-02-07 04:37:47 · 16 answers · asked by playdoh1986 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
WHOA! I want to be with this wonderful guy? Where did that come from? He is wonderful, and the relationship was great- I am sad that it ended, but I am happy for him. As for me, I am pre-med in college; and I plan to continue on this path.
2007-02-07 04:52:49 · update #1
No, it's not wrong to feel upset or hurt. You feel those things because you care about him so much. It's only natural to feel that way when your heart is broken. Only time heals the wounds of a broken heart, but believe me, in time the pain will go away, the love will not, but the pain will. It's so easy to say "Hey it's alright, smile be happy, time heals all wounds..." But it's so hard to actually function when your hurting like that. Mourn that relationship, and feel sad, before you know it, you'll have feelings for someone else, and life will go on. Just remember that right now, you are not being selfish. Who knows, maybe one day the two of you will be together again. Good luck to you.
2007-02-07 04:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by zoomchuck 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feelings are not right or wrong - they just are.
You feel a sense of loss - perfectly understandable.
From the description, your expectations were not going to be met from the get go. You knew it and he knew it. It was good while it lasted.
Selfish? Not really, just disappointed. His life goal is his career with the racing team, as stated. You really have not stated what you expect out of life, other than having him be available to you. That's not realistic.
If you want to be a mommy, go find a good man who wants to marry you. If you want to pursue a career on your own, get with it. If you want more education, now is the time. You MUST define your life objectives beyond the statement "I want to continue to be with this wonderful guy" which is all that you have said so far.
Once you have decided what's best for YOU, then you will know whether you want to do anything to resume the relationship with him. You did not say whether he invited you to join him. If he did not offer that possibility, that should tell you something.
2007-02-07 04:49:38 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only is it not bad to feel this way, it's actually an important part of the grieving / healing process.
Sometimes even the closest people drift apart. The trick is not to blame yourself or the other person.
You are still as beautiful as you were when your friend saw something special in you. That will never go away and is just waiting to be shared with someone else.
Yeah, it hurts and it sucks. But it will make you a stronger, wiser and even more lovable person. You're only 20. Trust me - there's a lot ahead of you yet, so don't get too bogged down about it now.
2007-02-07 04:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by nzowl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY UR WRONG. Breakups hurt no matter what I'm sorry that ur feeling hurt. I hope u can work ur way into getting past it I know it's gonna be hard but maybe he will come to realize that may be he wants to be with u( will u take him back) if so?
I think he could have still kept u in his life because the relationship should have been more important. There is always a way to make it work if u really want it too
But if not then u can always move on and get a new guy who's local and who will put ur feelings first.
Good Luck
2007-02-07 04:54:28 · answer #4 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
realize that all sex is not lasting sex. After he's away from you for a while he might miss u. Then again there's a lot of females in other states too! Next time don't be so giving of yourself. Do what the guy above me suggested. But sweetie don't use it as a tool for comfort but once or twice. Many years of using drinking to make one feel better, doesn't do the "LIVER" much good. Yeah Your bf is a selfish dog. You should feel hurt and pain, but learn from this. Don't give so much next time, till you know it's really worth it. You're very young, and you live and learn. Hope i helped.
2007-02-07 04:41:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take a while - especially as whilst there was always a risk that this could happen, the risk didn't seem real until it really did happen. I'd try to keep contact if you can manage to without prolonging your suffering. Don't rush into anything new - otherwise the danger exists that you will only use the failure of this relationship as the excuse for starting something new. Hope things get better for you!
2007-02-07 04:42:52 · answer #6 · answered by bovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the actuality of the concern is once you're actually not married to a guy and you're giving him all the reward of being married, you would be unable to count number on him while issues like this take place. Boyfriend/female chum relationships are actually not commitments under God. i'm sorry that your emotions are harm yet i'm not sorry which you found out how he somewhat is. you will possibly desire to take this as an illustration from God and do the marvelous element any further.
2016-09-28 13:27:37 · answer #7 · answered by bebber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to be hurt and upset, but be glad that he was honest with you. You're both young and at this stage in his life, he feels that he needs to focus on his career. Driving is a youth-driven sport, so if he has a shot, he needs to take it.
From my perspective, you have two options.
1.) "If you love someone, set them free." If it's true love, he'll come back to you.
2.) If you're that confident in the two of you, you can suggest that you'll travel with him and help him in his quest.
Good luck to you. Both options are difficult.
2007-02-07 04:53:29 · answer #8 · answered by Joe Bostonian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, he was honest with ya and really wouldnt have time to be what he needs to be to you. You gotta give him credit for persueing his dream and living the life he has always wanted. You knew it was a possibility, and now he has to do what he has to do. This doesnt necessarily mean that you will never meet up with him again though. Its very unselfish of you to let him do what he needs to do and be accepting of it. and thats what you gotta do. let him live it and if down the line, when his career is booming, perhaps he will give you a ring and want to rekindle.
in the meantime, live your life as well. date others and try to find happiness elsewhere.
Good luck hun.
2007-02-07 04:47:18 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seriously consider taking up drinking. Drown your sorrow best you can for a few months, and take up smoking. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, he seems to be very selfish to me. If I was you, I would call him and tell him as much, then hang up on him.
Make sure you call when your really loaded, that way he can see the error of his ways.
2007-02-07 04:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋