My parents were married for almost 18 years and I found out that my dad had been cheating for 5 years before they turned 17 years married. It was really hard to understand, but I tried not to say anything. Later on I found that she was only 7 years older than me! is it right for me to hate on her? should I pretend i dont care???
2007-02-07 04:35:18 · 36 answers · asked by Bbita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Is she hot? If so, you should definitely pretend your cool with it while biding your time until you get a chance to "tap it". You can always hate on her later. But for now use this scenario to milk your dad for money or goodies through guilt or blackmail.
Your in an ideal situation to gain much, just as long as it is handled properly. Use this situation as a primer for what is to come in life... bad situations that can be turned in your favor!
2007-02-07 04:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by user name 5 · 2⤊ 7⤋
I'm sure this has been very difficult for you. My parents were divorced after 25 yrs of marriage and my Dad had been cheating, too. I actually think they both were. Anyway, my Mom's first boyfriend after the divorce was only 3 yrs older than me. At first, I was mortified and ashamed of her. Then I went out to dinner with them and talked to the guy and got to know him some. I eventually gave my Mom my blessings because all I really wanted was for her to be happy. Well, it didn't last but for about a year and then I was left to help her pick up the pieces. What I'm trying to say is that maybe you should talk to your Dad about how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Then maybe try to get to know her a little before deciding that you hate her. You may find that she's a good person. Going through a divorce with your parents is very difficult and i think you should do whatever makes you comfortable and don't push yourself to do anything until you are ready. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you.
2007-02-07 05:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad did this to my mom. A month before my wedding he confessed to cheating with a woman whose 19 years younger than him. My parents were married 30 years.
I have 2 sisters and we all look at it different. My younger sister refuses to talk to him and there relationship is ruined. My older sister called the lady up and told her off, I just told my dad he is still my dad no matter what but I don't approve.
Unfortunately even grown ups act like idiots. Out of respect for my mom, I will never be her friend. But I have seen her a few times b/c I don't want to lose my father. The thing is, to hate her is pointless, it's your dad who was married to your mom and had obligations and promises, not her. What does she care? It's HIM who cheated.
You can tell him how you feel about it, it's good to get feelings out in the open, but don't expect him to make his life choices based on what you want.
2007-02-07 05:12:10 · answer #3 · answered by nymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a lot of tough stuff going on here. Cheating dad and then super young girlfriend. The hating feeling is totally normal. But are you really hating her or your dad and she's a manifestation of that? Look, your feelings of hate may be because 1) you're feeling protective of your mom, 2) it sounds like you just found all this out and to know YOUR dad did what he did after all these years of marriage. I know I'd be pretty hateful and pissed feeling myself. But hate is a lot of energy so hate the girlfriend all you want for now but do try to be the bigger/more mature person than your father and play polite. You don't have to respect the girl and/or dad but I know your momma didn't raise you to act anything but classy. You're not pretending, you're not caring because I'm sure your dad is fully aware, he just chose to do what he wanted to do. But that isn't a reflection on you.
2007-02-07 04:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by Michaela 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow! I'm not sure if there is much that you can do in this situation??? Short from cutting yourself off completely from your dad. Keep in mind though that although you may feel like hating the girlfriend... your dad is EQUALLY responsible for his actions.. it's not like she forced him to cheat. The age thing however.. you have EVERY right to be a little upset about that.
2007-02-07 04:51:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as she's not 16 years younger than you I wouldn't worry.
It is bad for your mom and I'm sure that there are mixed feelings but at the end of the day he is still your dad. They may have stayed together for the sake of the kids (not always a good thing but it's better than not growing up without a parent as long as it was discreet).
The important thing is not to judge and be supportive to your mom as well. One day you might make a mistake and hopefully no one will judge your actions.
Who knows, it usually takes 2 to tango but some men (and even women) cheat or look for something they think they are missing.
2007-02-07 04:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can hate her. You can feel anything you want. But remember, its still technically the business of your parents. Don't hate your father for cheating or your mother for being blind to it. Whatever caused them to drift to that point is their business. Don't pretend you don't care. Then you will bottle up all those feelings. Talk to your dad if you want to, tell him how much the age difference disturbed you, find out if he plans to enter a real relationship with this woman. Our lives take different directions. You can hate her as much as you want now, but try and keep an open mind if the relationship dynamics with your parents start to change. If they divorce, you might expect both mom and date to date new people. Just encourage them to date within their age group; not yours.
2007-02-07 04:44:43 · answer #7 · answered by karebear 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i'm not sparkling on the reason you're concerned, except you're embarrassed to be considered inclusive of her. if it quite is the case, attempt now to not allow her outfits and her movements complication you. ultimately she may embarrass herself and advance up! obviously you're mature sufficient to not reproduction her, and also you may also help your little sister stay clear of being inspired by technique of her. possibly your dad is beginning to word that she's too immature for him. Her lack of adulthood is extra significant than the version of their a lengthy time period. Why do you want to assist her? If he is going to split inclusive of her, they'll flow their separate procedures and also you isn't round her any extra.
2016-11-25 23:46:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may never understand why he chose her and are hurt by what he has done to your family, you have to move on. I would let your father know how you feel about it (if it will help ease your mind and heart), but after your talk forget about it and move on. You will never change his mind or how he feels about this relationship. There is no use dwelling on this when there is nothing you can do. Move on and try to maintain a relationship with him, he still is your father no matter what path he has chosen.
2007-02-07 04:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really hard for anybody to deal with, espcecially if your mom doesn't know about it, because it puts you in the middle.
It is perfectly understandable for you to hate her, and even him, but it won't help you much. Your father will only be upset with you for the way you are treating her.
You don't have to like her, but you should treat her with respect, so that your father doesn't have any reason to be upset with you.
2007-02-07 04:39:53 · answer #10 · answered by Myglassesarealwaysclean 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's never wrong to feel what you feel, and pretending not to care will harm yourself because it affects your ability to be honest.
Make your feelings known to your dad, but do it when you are calm about it. I doubt it will change anything but it will get the weight off your back.
2007-02-07 04:41:54 · answer #11 · answered by Dharma Nature 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋