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Me and my son father have been separated for 5 years and are divorcing this year. My son is now having problems with behavior in school and I see some similarities and want to head them off before they become worst. What do I do?

2007-02-07 04:16:29 · 14 answers · asked by kitcat 6 in Family & Relationships Family

My son is 11. No, I'm not trying to get back at my ex....I could care less about him. I don't want my son to grow up to be miserable man. And Yes his father does have some good points but he hardly lets them show.

2007-02-07 04:27:29 · update #1

14 answers

that would only lead to resentment trust me i know my mother did the same to me as i got older i hated her i live with my dad now have a grate life and have not spoken to my mother in 6 years i am shore you don't wont that to happen to you

every child goes through bad stages especially in situations like this your sons problems could have some thing to do with it but ma by not he could be hanging around the wrong groupie of friends it would not be write to take his dad away you need to sit down with your son not in a stand over kind of way get down to his level and have a chat don't get angry or tell him no just have a chat and see if you to can come to a compromise

2007-02-12 17:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

No
The father will use this against you, and the rebellion may have nothing to do with you but the circumstances of feeling lost and alone, or maybe that he is the reason for the divorce.
You also should communicate your feelings to your son about this rather than us and ask him what he thinks to help you decide, you may force him to run away if you push him too much. But all kids rebel, when I was 16 years old I would not let my mother slap me because I was bigger and stronger than her and I did not want to be angry with her, but this made she crazy mad at me, yes I was also rebellious but I did not think I should be at home at 16, and I left the house at 17 pretty much never to return. So do not confuse his needs with the divorce, limiting visitations will only cause more problems if he does care to see his father and he is 14 years old or older.

2007-02-07 12:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by sirromo4u 4 · 1 0

Yes, you can limit the visits although that may cause some problems between you and your son's father. If your son's dad decides to make a "biggie" out of the changes, then present your case to a judge and get it in writing. Get a letter from the school in regards to your son's behavior, i am sure the judge will understand your concerns.

This all depends on your son's age. Good Luck !!!

2007-02-07 12:22:24 · answer #3 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1 0

Here it is the time that looks like you have to the mean one again! As mothers we try to do what is best for our little ones and it looks to them as if we are the crazy ones. I would call a family meeting, (you, dad, and him), to discuss this matter. Put it on the table! Ask your son what is bothering him (Little boys don't like to share their emotion cause it is for girls they think), get him to talk and express his self! No matter what it is, his anger, how he feel about this matter, what can you and dad do to make it easier on him. Explain to him that sometimes moms and dad go thru things and they find out that they can not be together. But it is not his fault that that you and dad not together anymore. Praise his positive qualities, his achievements, how proud you are that he is your son and that it is OK for him to come and talk to when he feels the need to! You don't have to stop letting him see his father just let dad know to enforce the same thing when he is there. Let him know he is loved by the both of you and this dessions is for the best! Tell him how important his education is important to him for a better future and with a negative behavior it can hinder his success. If he likes sports sit down and explain to him that to be the best it takes more than skills to get there his behavior plays a big roll in any and everything he sets out to do!

2007-02-13 18:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by nikki 1 · 1 0

I kinda of know what your going through my kids act just like their dad but were still together...But when they start acting like him I sit down with them and say do you like it when dad acts rude or is being grouchy and they say no. and I say then why are you acting like that then. I tell them I'm not talking bad about him but if you don't like the way he acts then don't do it yourselves. because i tell them nobody likes rude people. Then just talk to his father about the problems hes having in school. Ask him to go with you
the next time the teacher wants to discuss your sons grades etc..
so your husband doesn't feel your just picking on him and trying to turn your son against him. Even though your divorcing you still parents together, It's hard but you and your soon to be ex still need to stand together when it comes to your son, because if you don't your son is going to milk it for everything he can. And then that's when the real problems will begin. Remember getting
a divorce you sometimes forget your children are in the middle.
Also ask your soon to be ex if he has anything negative to say
about you to say it away from your son and you do the same.
Because if your son hears you or your ex say the things then
he might think its OK. Well good luck

2007-02-07 12:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by aragon 1 · 1 0

He's acting out because he doesn't understand what the two of you feel. The both of you should sit him down together and explain to him it's not his fault as most kids blame themselves for their parents seperation. Assure him that you both love him and will not accept the bad behavior. He deserves to know whats going on but is too little to ask for help. He's just a confused little boy who is hurting inside and the negative behavior gets the attention he's craving. To a child negative attention beats no attention any day. He deserves an explanation. Be nice when telling the ex your concerns and ask him to talk to your child with you together in your sons room where he feels most comfortable

2007-02-12 01:16:54 · answer #6 · answered by #1 saints fan 2 · 1 0

Well, i think please have a talk with yr son first before u deciding on cut off the visit. Im scared yr son will blame on you later on or hated u too.
Why not tell yr son what's yr feeling. Have a eye to eye contact and be a concern mother to him. Explain what u had been tru with his father and you totally dont want him to follow the step. Tell him its not that you hated him( the father) but the behavior and the attitude that made your life misserable. Just hope that he understand, why you dont want him to follow the father footstep. Kids or teenages nowadays there are more on explaination then just pressuring him. They usually will understand the situation if you give them good explaination why you have to make a drastic move. Maybe this time he wont understand but later on he will, without blaming on you.

2007-02-07 12:32:42 · answer #7 · answered by ironlady42 4 · 1 0

well , from what you said that only now then he have or gave problem to the school, try to find out from the teacher actually what kind of problem he is giving to the school and try to give out sometime to go to the school and see actually what he is acting around his friends.. but must not let him see you, after so many years , he might not have given any reaction to your marriage, but does not mean he does feel good deep inside him, i mean heart feeling. If u really love and still care for him , pls do give him a chance to explain himself and try to talk to him , but remember not to mention or scold him ..said that he look like the way his dad behaviour, you have to see a point , u will not know did your ex ever told him what had happen between both of u in a truth story, but now that is not important , the most important now is to save the hurt and pain wish your son is feeling now, all he have done might just wanted to get it out his pain and hurt inside and also to get attention from all of u.And also another best thing u have to do , (for your son ) sit down and talk to his dad before taliking to your kids. Both of you have to do good for your son , plan ...even when both of you have to go difference way, maybe once ot two week do bring your kids out together, make him feel that both of u still love him and is still good friend. Yes he knows both of you and dad is not staying together but now is a difference because the fact now both of u is going to have a divorce soon, so u must understand for a child he will feel , there will be no hope for both parents to be back again So you have to help him with your ex together. Talk to your kid as an adult , tell him how bad u feel to see him this way , how hurt u r , because you love him a lot . And do explain to him no matter how is between you and his dad you both still love him and is forever . Remember never never to complian how bad or how worst so both of u have to go difference , because he will not really understand , he will feel even worst and find that u hate the dad so much and always complain . Well hope u do make a good way to talk to him and keep your temper when u talk. wish u good luck.

2007-02-07 13:42:52 · answer #8 · answered by Love everyone with your heart 1 · 1 0

Almost every biological parent cares about his or her children. And your estranged husband probably cares about his son too.

Just because parents are not getting along well with each other doesn't mean that they should drag their children into their relationship problems.

Both you and your estranged husband have an interest in raising your son well. And I suggest that you explain to your estranged husband the problems your son is having at school and ask him for help. Ask him to stay involved in your son's life even after the divorce between the two of you.

It's your son who needs help. And asking the father to help his son is your duty as a mother too.

It's in your son's interests to have both parents involved in his life. And as his mother, guardian, and custodian it's your duty to act in his interests and not just in your own.

2007-02-07 12:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Well since you characterize his father as rude and rebellious, it's unlikely that you can see any of his better points. Limiting his visitation will only hurt yout son. So you have to decide what is more important to you...getting revenge on your ex or your sons emotional health?

2007-02-07 12:20:33 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 0 0

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