My boyfriend of 8 months has a best friend, who is a female, of about 10 years. Due to financial struggles, he and I are currently living together and we dont have many issues except that he talks to his friend very frequently on the phone. They talk about every other day sometimes twice in the same day, from about 30 minutes to an hour. I have told him that I dont have a problem with him having females friends but I feel uncomfortable with them talking so frequently and asked if they could tone it down and talk when I am not around. He accuses me of not wanting him to have any female friends and that I want 100% of his attention. He also says that he cant help when she calls and that she calls when I am around because of her schedule and the 3 hour time difference. I just want to know if I am being unreasonable with my requests.
2007-02-07 04:03:38 · 17 answers · asked by eBaneZa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are not married to him so let it go. Stop trying to tell him who he can talk to and for how long. You sound like a controlling freak. If he was spending the same amount of time with a guy friend you wouldn't have the same problem so give it a rest.
How would you like it if he was telling you who and how long you could talk on the phone, Stop being controlling and grow up!
2007-02-07 06:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Lonely Bàstard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I don't think you are being unreasonable. It is in a woman's DNA to be jealous of other women talking to or being around our man. Period. There is nothing you can do about it. However, I think you should be happy that he is having these conversations around you, rather than hiding them behind your back. Think about the fact that if he were interested in being more than friends with her, he's had 10 years to make that happen. If he's openly living with you, for whatever reasons, and she knows about it, then chances are they are JUST FRIENDS. I seriously don't get the "he's into her" vibes from what you've described. Yes, it may make you a tad uncomfortable, but you can't ask him to give up his friend of 10 years for a relationship of only 8 months. If she becomes a greater problem, if he's spending more time talking to her and less time with you, then I would definitely rethink my position. But for now, ask him to tone it down again, but don't ask him to talk to her when you aren't around. I think that is creating a situation where there is none and you might do the very thing you are trying to avoid...push him to her. Good luck.
2007-02-07 04:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all she has more history with him than you so trying to come between them is a lost cause and if he really wanted to put you first having a 100% of his attention should not be a problem that should clue you in right there not saying that guys can't have females as best friends but it started out as a girl he wanted for more and something went wrong along the way and he settle for being her friend. If the relationship between the two of them is making you unhappy and he is not willing to compromise the I think you should start to look for happiness elsewhere
2007-02-07 04:17:28 · answer #3 · answered by toosexy4thisshit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like my mom says:
"Blood is thicker than water. Cause water can slip right through and you not even notice it!"
You should be concerned. Anyone attatched to someone of the opposite sex that's not a realative, is an issue. Will always be. And no, it's not jealousy if you are concerned, it's just plain common sense!
You are so not unreasonable in your requests, he is in calling you on it! Give it another try and explain the issue to him clearly.
Hope this helped, and all goes well!
2007-02-07 04:08:26 · answer #4 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the girlfriend, not her. I have seen friends in this case, girl with guy close friend. When she got into a serious relationship, her close relationship with her male friend changed. They are still close but just relaxed more now.
Sorry to say but the importance should be more on you than his phone conversations with his friend.
They will always be friends and probably always in each others life which is great, however, toning it down is not too much to ask.
He needs to step up to the change of being in a serious committed relationship. (I bet she's single). Wait till she starts living with someone than see.
You and your requests sound reasonable.
All the best.
2007-02-07 04:12:30 · answer #5 · answered by katy k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should be understanding. I also have a boyfriend of 4 months, and he doesnt have very many male friends. His BEST friend is female and he talkes to her and about her, all the time. I have talked to him about this, and he told me that she is his friend and nothing more. He also made me feel so special because he told me that he loved me and no one else. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and try to put it into his eyes, u never know. he may do the same thing.
2007-02-07 04:08:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not like that either. I could understand if she was having a problem and then maybe they would talk for a couple of days in a row. i think that is a little weird. For him being mad about it, well that don't seem right too. You don't sound like you where being mean about it or anything. He should have some consideration for you and so should she. Thats just weird. sorry
2007-02-07 04:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by rain9439 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. Sounds a little suspicious to me. I have male friends and my husband has female friends, but we don't talk to them every single day. I probably see my best guy friend about once or twice a year.
2007-02-07 04:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the big deal with "talking"?
If they are actually having a meaningful conversation what do you care how long it last? And what are you doing timing him?
They have been friends for 10 YEARS.......you need to chill a little.
2007-02-07 04:09:38 · answer #9 · answered by RedEye 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No...you've defintely detected a problem. Consider whether he is trying to include you in this friendship, whether he places her needs above yours, whether they have a sexual history, and your own tolerance for his friendships with members of the opposite sex. It doesn't sound like he's being secretive about the friendship and that's a good sign. However, you may want to talk with him about what he expects you to accept. I dated a guy that had a friend like that, I never met her, she was included in his birth family's gatherings, and I knew he would never put me above her.
2007-02-07 04:10:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋