how can i get help for my daughters anger problem?

Question

my daughter is 10 and she gets out of control over silly things like not getting her own way. she wrecks her bedroom ,she cut her curtains cos she was grounded. she used to run out of the house when she got into trouble for her anger. she can be loving,generous and kind and so helpful,then one thing goes wrong or someone says something and she changes into a wild person where should i go to get her help?

Answer 1

U should take her to a child psychologist---seems like this is more than the normal outbursts of a 10 year old----am wondering if there has been any traumatic events in her life? dont wait on this! good luck

Answer 2

Go chat to your GP, go on your own and explain the situation, they may require you and your daughter to both return together. They can suggest something that may be of help, Childrens Services (its a team of consultants where I am, all Doctors) where they look at how your daughter is doing at school as well as her behaviour at home and can offer support in differant behaviour techniques. Have the school noticed the behaviour change? Talk to the school senco if your not sure.
It could be a multitude of things, one suggestion is below. Anything from problems at sch, hormones, struggling at school.

Boundaries need to be firmly in place no matter what the childs age, sometimes if the behaviour is negative and they are getting any kind of attention for it, it becomes a circle of attention seeking. Oppositional defiant behaviour is the term used.

Check out this link for more info
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~ebdstudy/disord1/oppose.htm

The GP will give you a referral, Just dont forget underneath all your daughters stress and frustration, as believe me Frustration is pretty much the key word, she is going to need you, you may not always like her for how she kicks off and I imagine you are getting anxious yourself, but remember you describe her with some positive words, most likely the GP will help. Good Luck.

Answer 3

The first thing to do is analyze how the adults in your household manage their anger very, very thoroughly. This isn't to be critical; it's just that almost everyone pays attention to their behavior least when they're upset. Notice every detail, tone of voice change, word choice and the lot.

The second thing is to react consistently and to impose consequences for her behavior. Not punishments exactly, but consequences. Ruined items will not be replaced, conversations held in an unacceptable tone of voice will not gain results, and disrespect will lose her the privilege of inclusion in discussions. It will take time, and it will be exhausting, but there just don't seem to be many quick fixes in parenting.

I don't advocate bringing in professionals until a parent has tried every rational best idea they can find, because children frequently look at it as a parent giving up control to an outsider, and it will undermine your own authority. Don't seek counseling unless your pediatrician recommends it. Until then, model the behavior you want her to emulate as consistently as you can possibly manage and consistently impose consequences. Also, check out the local public library, read some suggestions from professionals and decide for yourself what fits in with your beliefs and parenting philosophy.

Answer 4

Thank you for asking this question as I have an 8 year old daughter with the same problems. She also can be the most loving devoted daughter in the world but snap just like that and I have a monster with a raised voice, screaming and telling me what an aweful mother I am and how much she hates me

Answer 5

My ten year old son is or I should say was, the same way. It used to be worse when he was younger, little by little he is getting better at managing his anger. He reminds me of that poem or saying that goes something like:

"a little girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead, when she was good, she was really good, but when she was bad she was horrid"

Remember that something silly to us, may be dead serious to them. It helps if I remind myself to stay calm, and I have to watch for any tiny sign that he may be getting angry and then I have to interfer with time alone with him...talking him down sort to speak. As he's gotten older, he's more able to discuss why he gets so angry, and most of the time it is out of frustration with his siblings. Once I spend some quiet time talking with just him, he calms down. I try to understand where his anger is coming from, and tell him "I know that you are very angry right now, but lets talk about it." Even if he says he doesn't want, I do it anyway. I usually try to hold him, or give loving pats or back rubs until he calms down. He usually is disappointed that he wasn't able to control his temper, so I don't want to make it worse by saying negative things. Most of the time this has worked, I've seen pretty dramatic changes in the last year or so. He used to be able to demolish a room in a matter of seconds, whereas, now he is more apt to go to his room yelling and slamming the door. I still go up to him, and I believe he knows I will, and this is comforting to him. Hope this helps...best of wishes.

Answer 6

Sounds like the punsihment isn't working. And it sounds like she has some very strong emotions that she cannot express and so acts out. When did this start or has it always been this way? It feels like there might be a communication gap somewhere and that she needs to get some help learning how to deal with powerful emotions rather than getting taken over by them. I would find her a counselor or someone that is compassionate and willing to help her channel those emotions and express and communicate rather than label and medicate.

Answer 7

Something is troubling her.You have to get to the root of the problem.How about having a special day where the two of you do something that she likes & then sit her down after that & have a serious talk about whats going on in her head.Her likes,,dislikes,,is anyone bothering her in anyway at school or outside of school?

Answer 8

In your city or county there should be a Health or Human Services Department. They have people there that can Identify what is going on with her. If there is a Mental health services go there, the "Mental" might scare you but when my brother took my young niece, he took her to a great woman that worked at a Mental health services building.........Yellow Pages......Family Doctor........
I think that you would get better info from your family doctor and I think that your doctor will have to refer you to someone that provides services like that.

Answer 9

Oh wow, are you sure that's not my daughter you're talking about?
Mine did all that and more and now I have a 14-year old who's out of control.
We've been trying since she was a little one to help, but we're not sure what to do.
Just keep trying, and get professional help. Talk to her paediatrician first, without her present, and he/she will be able to direct you hopefully.

I can't really give much advice, but if you need to talk, e-mail me.

Answer 10

Call the childrens aide society, they love parents who want to help their children, there is probably an anger management program for her and you both will feel better that you did all you can. Take care Heather