Should I leave my girlfried for my possible true love?

Question

I am a recovering Alcaholic that has been sober for two years; all my life I have always settled for the first woman that came along or had sex with me
I have been dating a women for three years that has stood by me in my life. the problem is that I dont think I realy love her and she has two children of her own and i would like to have some of my own. I resently met a beautiful christian Italian women that lives in my area and wants to meet me. its possible we could be aperfect match. should I meet her and see what she is like? I am 38 years old and and now out of the fog of drugs and alcohol want to make the best of the rest of my life and not settle anymore. an I being selfish or am I thinking straight. one more thing I am divorsed from a women I had two children with she was abusive so I left her. she is angery about that so we are having a costudy battle over my two boys that I see every two weeks I just finaly got legal costody,with pending visatation. I feel robed of my child

Answer 1

You don't owe the GF of 3 years anything other than respect. Talk to her before you take action with #2 and don't flaunt #2 in front of her. That way it's cut clean and no one loses face.

I don't know if she expects you to propose but 3 years is long enough to spend with someone prior to marriage. Either commit or cut now.

You might find the grass isn't greener on the other side and who knows, you might find #1 is the one. It's easier to reconnect if you don't burn bridges.

Answer 2

Are you a dude?

You were a selfish alcoholic,

Three year girlfriend -- she ought to know you are not committed by now and dump you. If you are this serious thinking about someone else you are selfish by using this one until you make up your mind.

You have two boys.

Opinion

(1) Leave your girlfriend -- you are not serious and that is wrong

(2) Your boys need a MAN for a father -- learn to be one

(3) Don't date for 2-years and concentrate on being a role-model MAN for your boys instead of the drunk you were. That is not much to ask of you for what you have denied them.

(4) If you wait for two years you get the added bonus of accomplishing what you indicated was your number one problem: settle for the person that says yes to sex. In two years you'll probably have to turn it down once or twice and that will also help you become a MAN (because you have a long way to go)

Answer 3

You haven't even met the woman, and you're already contemplating the possibility of her being a "perfect" match? Buddy, you've got it all backwards. First off - there's no such thing as a "perfect" match; you ALWAYS give up some things to gain others. Any relationship will be a give-and-take. If you're looking for perfection, you will never find it, and will always be disappointed. Second - if you're only staying with your g/f because you haven't found anything better - you're a selfish liar, and are being tremendously unfair to her. She's been there for you throughout these years, and it's not worth anything to you? You can't even show her basic respect by setting her free to find someone who WILL appreciate her and WILL want to be with her? This is so low. You're trying to line things up for yourself with some other woman, and then dump the one who's given the last three years of her life to you. Nice, very nice.

You need to be honest with your g/f, and tell her you don't want to be with her anymore. Don't waste her time. Go your own way, and look for that "perfect" relationship that doesn't exist, it's your choice - but don't string your g/f along when she could be looking for a guy who would be there for her.

Answer 4

If you're not happy in the relationship that you're in, then you need to have a serious talk with her BEFORE you start meeting other people. Meeting this other lady first would not be fair to the current lady in your life b/c she has apparently been there for you in your time of need.
Respect that and just be honest with her. If you have to end the relationship b/c your not happy, or are not in love with her anymore, then do it. If you don't you'll both be miserable in the long run. It takes two to make a relationship work.

Just dont go sneaking around. NO one deserves that.

Answer 5

I think that your girlfriend is a wonderful woman for being there for you when you needed someone the most. However, you can't help feeling what you feel, and you shouldn't apoligize for your feelings, so I think you should explore the possibilities of a relationship with the new woman. Clearly, you don't love your girlfriend, because if you did, you would not be even considering being with another woman, so it's only fair to you and your girlfriend that you part ways so that both of you can be happy. You should not stay with her just because she is a good woman and has helped you, because you will always have a nagging thought at the back of your mind of "what if," and you definitely don't want to spend your life with one person while thinking about what could've been with someone else. You don't owe it to your girlfriend to stay with her just because she has helped you. Clearly you are grateful for all that she has done, and I think that you two should just remain friends. Don't feel pity for her and stay with her just because of that, it wouldn't be fair to either of you. The issue is not with the new woman, it's with you, because any other woman who fits your taste could come along and you will feel compelled to pursue her. Even if you pursue this new woman and it doesn't work out, don't run back to your girlfriend either...just accept that your heart wasn't completely with your girlfriend and continue searching for your one true love. I say leave your girlfriend on good terms, pursue the woman that's on your mind, find one whom you will truly love and won't have doubts about, and let your girlfriend then meet someone who really loves her. Ultimately, both of you will be happier people, because by staying with her you would be cheating the both of you out of true love and happiness.

Answer 6

Don't break up with your girlfriend just yet. She stood by your side through the tough times, that's a good woman there but yeah, if you don't love her then you should meet the new lady. Who knows, ya'll could hit it off and then have more dates.She will be by your side even more and if she doesn't have kids, that would be perfect since you want more of your own. She could want kids too. So yeah, meet the new woman and see where it goes from there. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You need to forget about having more children and you must sit down with your g/f and tell her the truth about how you feel. It sounds like she helped you get healthy and now you pay her back by sneaking around. You are now going into a real mid-life crisis situation and need to put the brakes on your activities and old way of thinking. You need a complete makeover of your personality. Focus on your children and learning to get along with your ex. Calling your ex abusive makes you look bad. You're an addict!!! Make peace with her for the sake of your children. Do the right thing.

Answer 8

Get your priorities in order! Take a risk, leave your current girlfriend and pursue the italian women if you so choose. Even if things don't work out with the 'italian woman' you will have taken steps to relinquish the relationship that is not working out. Your longstanding girlfriend deserves your honesty and the chance to find the right man for her. It's not selfish to go after what you want--you owe that to yourself. Make changes that are necessary for you to focus on yourself and your chn. Good Luck

Answer 9

I would SAY NO. You dont even know that other girl. You're doing exactly what you said you do: go for the first person that talks to you. Well, GET OVER IT. What if it was the other way around: that your current woman was your true love?? She's the one who stood by you and your DRUG/ALCOHOL problems for THREE YEARS. Can you NOT see this???? That's really hard to support. Turn the favor around and realize that this woman LOVES YOU. Are you really that blind?? I mean, REALLY?!?!?!

Answer 10

No amount of time makes a relationship more than it is. If you have been seeing this women for 3 yrs and can say I don't think I really love her , then you don't. Not in a life long commitment way. Don't waste her time or yours , to be honest she deserves better than what you have to offer since its not your whole self, so there must be someone else out there for you that you can give that too.