Hi i am 24 yrs old and just about to turn 25.My daughters bio- father was released from prison.His crime was committed while we were still in highschool he was driving home from a party drunk and hit someone killing them.He spent 5 yrs in prison for this but i wrote to him every once in a while and sent some photos of his daughter.When he was released he showed up on our door step with a stuffed animal for my daughter wanting to see her.Originally i introduced her to him as mommys friend and slowly let them get to know each other.He is paying some form of child support he visits on the weekends only to take her out for a special breakfast or lunch she knows now that he is her biological dad.It been to 2 yrs since he got out of prison and he works as a mechanic not making much but he treats his daughter well and loves her.Problem is my hubby of almost 2 yrs hates him and he is the subject of many of our fights?
2007-02-07 03:46:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am concerned of what the impact is on her when she see's us fight.I try not to fight with my husband in front of her but he will purposley start fights in front of her to limit what i can say back to him.He also has taken to saying bad things about my ex. to my daughter and will not allow her bio-father to enter our home.Any way to stop the fights?
2007-02-07 03:51:04 · update #1
Tell hubby to get over it, your daughter has a right to see her Dad and he has the right to see her, new hubby must have known you had a daughter when he married you, tell him you came as a packaged deal.And he can expect this until shes 18
2007-02-07 03:52:42 · answer #1 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whew! This is indeed a problem that is and can be detrimental to you and your daughter. The way you handled everything sounds like you were looking out for your daughter's best interest, and is commendable. I think you should try to get your husband to go with you to counseling and possibly all 3 of you go to family counseling. I could say to talk to him privately and explain to him that this is your childs father, but I am sure you have tried that already. If your husband resists going to counseling and refuses to stop his behavior, then it might be that you and him can't make it for your daughter's sake. She has every right to have a relationship with her dad, and your husband should be mature enough to realize this. I am sure that his actions are really prompted by insecurities on his part, because you and your ex share a child and a history. I am sure that he knew that you had a daughter when you met and that there was a dad somewhere. I hope that he can realize how damaging this is to your daughter as well as you and your relationship with him. No matter what, you have to keep your daughter's best interest as the upmost priority and if that means getting her into a peaceful home where she will not feel the guilt about her bio dad, then you may just have to do that. I am sure that is how she must feel when she hears the fights and know that they are because of her dad. After two years, this has to be stopped before the damage is too great on you all.
2007-02-07 03:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by tryin4freedom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that daddy paid for the crime he committed already- He lost years off his life,his daughter's life and probably you in the process.
At least now he's doing his best to be a part of his daughter's life. There are a lot of losers who would not even try.
Hubby is probably scared of his position in your life and your daughter's life. Try to reassure him. Daddy can pick up and drop off in the driveway to minimise your contact with him.
With reference to the fights. As you pointed out he does it on purpose. Showhim the possible effects of this
- your daughter will want to get awayfrom it all and run away
- If daddy decides to try for custody, the fact about the fights will negatively impact on you.
- It will affect her performance in school and other aspects of her life
If he cares enough, he will change.
My fiance's ex is finally allowing their 4-1/2 yr old to go out with us (after 2 long years of fights).
2007-02-07 04:33:17 · answer #3 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel bad for your ex husband, just because he was drunk, he had to spend 5 years in jail ,and the poor man cannot even say he is the father of his own child, since you have remarried it is only fair that he is allowed to meet his daugher regularly whether you present husband likes it or not.
2007-02-07 04:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by ramy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one but your daughter has every right to get to know her biological father. I think that your hubby is wrong in saying what he does to your daughter. You really need to sit down and talk to him and tell him that your daughter has every right to see her dad. Also it may be in your best interest to seek counseling for this issue. Good Luck!!!!
2007-02-07 03:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by mdoud01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A talk with the husband might be in order.Both your daughter and ex have a right to know each other.
2007-02-07 03:54:16 · answer #6 · answered by Desperado 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's more important to you? Staying in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect you or your child - or ensuring what is best for your child by allowing her to have a relationship with her father, and not exposing her to domestic unrest.
2007-02-07 04:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your new husband is jealous
reassure him that he is the one u love
and tell him to stop bad mouthing your daughter's dad
they both have the right to spent time with each other
I am proud of your ex for wanting to be in her life
2007-02-07 03:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋