why does my mother seem to take pride in her problems?

Question

she's got multiple personality disorder, as well as a host of related issues, she goes out of her way to waste her money, I think because she prefers to be poor and feel like people should pity her! why does she do this, and how should I deal with it?

Answer 1

Some people are self-pitying and attention seeking type. Read Games People Play by Dr.Eric Berne for a good undestanding of good strokes, bad strokes and the social games that people play.

Answer 2

My mother was the same way. I also have many friends that glory in their problems and the dirty things others have done to them (I try to limit my contact with them).

Mother was addicted to many pills and would sometimes go psychotic. We never knew which came first, the chicken or the egg. But what I finally figured out was this: Mother wasn't happy unless she was miserable. And she was in sheer heaven if she could make others around her miserable too.

I finally withdrew from her games. I quit trying to make her happy (she didn't want happiness), quit trying to make her proud (my being a Nobel Prize winner would have brought a round of criticism), I quit believing the family gossip designed to create fights. I just let everything she said roll off my back. It was really HARD.

But my life got better and I think if you accept that you cannot make her happy, your life will get better too. Each of us are in our own galaxies and generally don't want people interfering. If she gets miserable enough, she'll seek help. If she is enjoying her misery, all you can do is adapt in a healthy manner - for you. Good Luck to you...

Answer 3

I was sorry to hear that your mom has DID. I have a friend with the same problem. One thing to remember is that your mom suffered horrific abuse over a long period of time. In all likelyhood, she will probably never behave or relate normally. One thing you can do is ask her mental health professional for the name of a family therapist. This person should have experience with DID. Good luck!

Answer 4

It just sounds like she's got a lot of bad habits that are associated with her issues. She may realize that she needs to change, but that's always easier said than done, no matter what your issues are. Also, I don't see how this necessarily indicates that she takes pride in her problems.

Answer 5

Your mother feels comfortable at that socioeconomic level. If she were a little richer people may be less inclined to pity her.
There's nothing you can do to change her except merely suggest she open a savings account and put money away for a vacation, car, etc.

Answer 6

some people would rather get negative attention then none at all.