Updated! 22 yr old son living with us, has a job, wont help out financialy,cuz he says his money is his money?

Question

Last post:

We asked him to give us $50 a week to help out with expenses, cuz we really need the help right now badly, but he threw a fit and said his money is his money and that he was keeping it! He says he's in the right and that he doesn't have to give us anything! The boy has no bills what so ever, he blows his money on himself. Ooops, no wait! He has one bill...(Car Insurance), Insurance is in his name, but his grandmother pays this for him cuz she likes spoiling him! He makes $270 a week after taxes, thats almost a $1100 a month, money that he just blows! Who's right and what should we do?

New post:

He now says that if he pays us the $50 a week that he should have the same rights as any other tenant who would rent an apartment....meaning that he can bring friends to the house when ever he wants, having girls stay over night, late night phone calls, etc, etc! He says he has that right! Please give us your thoughts and suggestions on this as we are at our wits end.

Answer 1

YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT!
He is a spoilt brat who needs a sharp wake up call. if he wants RIGHTS LIKE A PROPER TENANT them let him become a tenant - in SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE. hell be paying a hell of a lot more on rent, bills, food etc.
Stop letting him bully you, you are the parents and he is sounding like a spoon fed brat.

Answer 2

Well I'm going to tell you what my mom told me when i was 18 get out your an adult now but that might not work for you
so here's some other advice..

Treat like him a tenant
He's 22 Now right you should make him pay more rent.. then that at least 400 if not i would say make him leave let him learn the hard way what it's like to be an adult

ok second charge him bills like light and stuff just flat rate him..
if you still are willing to accept the 50 in rent..

and put rules on the place even apartments have ground rules.. since no he isin't on his own yet he is still under your roof and you have that right if he dosent accept it kick him out

make him go live with grandma then..


honestly he needs to grow it seems like and learn to live life on his own now he's plenty old now and should be able to take care of himself now

and ok by the way i am only 23 so i am not just saying this because i am old and bitter...

It seems like the kid needs to learn some discipline and responsibility it's good that he has a job which he should at his age but still it's not being out there on your own yet and you know honestly if he doesn't respect your house he needs to move out at that age anyways

ok good luck...

Answer 3

His money is his own, but YOUR home is YOUR home. This kid is a parasite! At 22 he should be paying for his rent and food. He should also be contributing to the utilities.
I'm speaking from experience here: By allowing him to live there, rent free, you're allowing him to be a dependent child. The longer he stays, the longer his trek to adulthood will be. If his grandmother is helping him financially, she's allowing him to be dependent. He's 22 and he's an adult. If he's making $270 a week, he has enough to move out and support himself. It won't be pretty but he has to learn that it's time to get off of mommy's teats. Give him a month or two to save some money and then show him the door.
Our job as parents, it to make sure our kids are INDEPENDENT citizens able to function in this society. He needs a push out of the nest!

Answer 4

This is so easy...kick his spoiled azz out!! Are you serious?? He's 22yrs old and is living off his parents! He's a scrub, lazy spoiled brat. My mom does the same for my brother who will be 25 this month but he doesn't even have a job. I'm 3yrs younger than my brother and live an hour and half away from home. Have been taking care of my own since i was 19.
He's taking advantage because you let him, make excuses for him too i bet, my mom does.
Give a certain day that he has to start paying rent and if he doesn't tell him he has to be out by that certain day.
If he wants late phone calls he should pay for his own phone line. If he wants to have people over and staying the night he should have his own place. Don't let him run over you. Stop treating him like a little boy. If you don't teach him now he'll never learn and always depend on everyone else. I feel sorry for his future wife!!

Answer 5

Give him options:

Split all the cost of living including food, and he can have tenants rights.

Pay 50 a week, and shut up (the light bulb thing was funny, but right on)

Move out, he will find that 1100 take home a month just does not quite get there, and still have too much fun

Move to a dorm room and go to college so he can make more than 1100 per month

Tell him that if his money is his money, then your money is your money, and that he needs to start reimbursing you for all the air jordans, the clothes, the braces etc.

Sack up, realize it is your house, he is a big boy, put your foot down.

Answer 6

I moved out when I was 18 because I wanted me independence and freedom. So if he thinks he's entitled to that because he pays $50 a week, then tell him to think again.
I'm now a parent and realize how much it takes to run your own household. Your son needs to learn responsibility. It is still your house and him helping out is the right thing to do.
If he expects to have friends over amytime and girls overnight, then tell him it's time to move out. There's no reason why you would need to put up with his demands. Who's paying for the mortgage, utilities, groceries? He isn't! The least he can do is pay something toward the utilites he uses and food he eats. As parents, you did you part of supporting him until he was 18 now it's his turn to help or get out! Don't enable his irresponisble and ungrateful attitude.

Answer 7

so give him his rights as a tenant renting a room only. by renting a room only he has no kitchen rights,no laundry room no right to your food etc. he will need his own phone. write a contract as to what is accepted such as overnight guests not being allowed (common rules when a person rents a room) if he wants full rights to the house he must share all bills equally divided among the number of persons in the house including gas electric water garbage cable phone etc. that is sure to come up more than 50 a week. if he is not interested in either option he needs to find another place to live. remind him that for 50.00 a week is just for him and if anyone were to stay over then 50.00 would have to be charged to that person as well. why should his friends get a freebie?

Answer 8

I have a solution for that. Take how many adults live in your household 18 and up, then write down the amount of each of the bills, then devide each bill by the number of adults living in your home. ie: rent 800 a month devided by 3 people living in home equals aprox. 267 a month and do it with each bill, show him and tell him as a tenant he has to pay a part of each bill or tell him to find a place of his own and pay all of the bills himself. I was thrown out of my home when i was 16 and I have always payed my part! Don't let your child run you over.. I am new to parenting, but that is what my Mom did when I moved back in at 18!

Answer 9

Time for an ultimatum.
If you want to rent and have the same right as a tenant than you will split all bills equally. This means you and your husband pay 2/3 of all bills and your son pays 1/3 of all bills and he can purchase his own groceries. Then he can come and go as he pleases and have over whom he chooses. If this arrangement will work for none of you then it is beyond time that he get his own place. Eviction time.
It is very harsh sounding but I think it will benefit you all in the long run. He needs to grow up and realize the "hardships" of the real world in order to appreciate you and respect you. Right now you are enabling him and allowing him to be a spoiled brat. Enough is enough.

Answer 10

If he wants that much freedom, he needs to move out. If not, draw up a contract since he wants to be treated like a "tenant" and have him sign it. If he refuses, do what every other landlord would do. Out he goes!! Sorry, pal!! You have raised him his whole life and paid for everything and this is how he repays/respects you? I don't think so!! I know you never told him as a child that it was "your money" and you shouldn't have to spend any on him. It is your house, you make the rules. Stop letting him run over you. Put your foot down. Trust me, he won't hate you. He may be mad and not speak to you for a while, but if he truly loves you and isn't just an overgrown brat, he will come around and see what a fool he looked like. If not, let him be.

Answer 11

I would ask him where he thinks he can live for $200 a month with everything included...that would allow him all the privileges he wants. When he can come up with an answer, tell him to go. If he is just another "tenant" he is being given a huge discount because he is your son....tell him if he wants to be a full fledged tenant then go and find an apartment, until then he still has to abide by your house rules. If he starts bringing friends home, embarrass him in front of them. If he talks on the phone late at night...pick up the extension, and tell him it is too late for calls. If he brings a girl home, walk in on them, or knock on the door and say something to he effect..."Hello...young lady, I would suggest you leave my house to avoid any further incident." The more you make his life uncomfortable the more apt he will be to leave.