My step daughter had another bad boyfriend relationship and moved in again, along with her daughter. Grandpa and Grandma watch our grandchild who is 4 when her mother works, have been doing it for 2 years. Now that she has moved in she will make plans to go out with friends and tell us about a half an hour before she goes, assuming we will babysit. She does not help with any housework, has not offered to help by groceries, does not feed her child because she figures I will do it. She lays on the couch and our gradbaby says I am hungry and she just lays there. If I harp enough to help with the dishes after supper, she will wash just the ones that she and the grandbaby used. She will do wash and leave it in the dryer or washer, and I will take care of it cuz i need to use it, but if mine are in the dryer, she will just throw them on top and not fold them. I have tried to back off to make her do things but she wont I am at wits end, my hubby and i have both harped on her to no avail.
2007-02-07 02:09:54 · 17 answers · asked by vivib 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree with Jeb...make yourself less available. I know you love your grandbaby very much, but your stepdaughter is running all over you. Believe me, my older sister still does this to our parents, and she lives with them too and she's 30 years old, seven kids and still takes off when she wants and leave the kids with my parents. Its unfair and not to mention very rude, I even had to step in and confront her which lead to a huge fight (she did back off). But sometimes, you have to pull out the Tough Love card and tell her you mean business when you say she should consider Day Care because no one will be home if you decide to take up some long more useful activities.
If worst comes to worst, tell her to shape up or ship out, and keep the grandchild. She sounds un-fit and will probably leave your grandchild with someone else if she gets kicked out.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-07 02:33:25 · answer #1 · answered by Lucy_Goosy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should agree with your partner and have a serious talk the 3 of you.
And this, before all that anger fills you up, to burst in the worst moment. I know you don't want her to mess up things again and you have a crisis, eventually in front of the baby. Besides, you'll be pointed at as the "bad one".
Obviously, from her problems, she is not mature enough, she is quite irresponsible and....she still feels like the daughter in the parents' house. She has responsability issues and she won't behave as a grown up, not even think of consequences generally.
You should all sit and have a fair discussion, without accusing, just saying you need her participation, her help, your own leisure time and a certain order in YOUR own house. She must also understand that she will be an example for her child...
I refuse to think there is some secondary purpose in her behaviour (like not showing you respect....or make you guys buy a house for herself :-) ).
Good luck in all!
2007-02-07 02:20:50 · answer #2 · answered by laurette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know some of the responses you will get will be to "throw her out" but I understand, as a mother, that's not so easy to do. You don't want to just see your child and grandchild - step or not- out in the street. However, at the risk of losing your own marriage and your mind, if she doesn't come around and see the seriousness of her actions, you may not have any choice. Perhaps you and your husband can afford to help her get a small apartment, perhaps a furnished efficiency until she can get back on her feet. However, if she doesn't stop the non-sense then you have no choice but to ask her to find somewhere else to stay. Good luck.
2007-02-07 02:38:11 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rules and structure.....You didn't say how old she was but even not knowing ALL homes have to have ground rules or there is chaos
When she tells you 1/2 hour before she is going out assuming you will babysit...let her know you love her but NO! The more you let her NOT do chores, lay around or take advantage of you as far as the children ect..... the more she will
sit her down by herself not in front of the children and give her the ground rules if she can't follow them then you need to exercise tuff love...if not...she will never, never learn responsibility
2007-02-07 02:25:33 · answer #4 · answered by dreamingone39 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like depression to me being the root of the problem. I would not let my daugther go the dogs when she wanted to stay home and party for one year. I forced her to apply into college, now when I give a pep talk to her friends she will say listen to her.
I go through the same thing, when my girl wanted to go out with her friends I started making a fuss, noway am I giving it an any opportunity for her to be an alcoholic. It is time she started making alternate arrangements for her child.
I had to bite my tongue, speak calmly to her because when you speak negative words they make a negative impact. Put some prayer requests out for her, obviously she is also going through so pain but does not show it. Maybe it is time you suggested some Counselling sessions with the church in order to live at your house to better herself.
Give your step daugther credit for leaving an abusive bad relationship. So many things boy I can tell you, I wanted to give up on my daugther but I had to do what I needed to do. Put some prayer requests out for her step daugther, there is angel requests on the internet.
Carefully choose your words if you need to speak to her, as a step mother you are not to handle any discipline at all within the family. If you are not there for the child who will be there, I help with my grand daugther too - ask yourself this?? That child is very innocent.
As the parent, I told my daugther I will not babysit anymore for her party stuff during college. I know I had to do this thing too with my daugther, it is a difficult situation but prayer does magic.
2007-02-07 02:45:04 · answer #5 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop babysitting for one, make her find a babysitter that she has to pay for and I bet she won't go out so much. You may even rethink babysitting while she works, let her find daycare. It would give your granddaughter a chance to mingle with other kids. If she leaves laundry in the washer (on purpose knowing you will fold it for her) do what she does and throw it on top or throw it in a basket to keep it out of your way, but don't fold it. Don't enable her in anyway. Make yourself less available somehow. Join a club or you and your husband join a bowling league or something to make yourselves not so available. I"m all for helping a child, but when is she going to do it on her own if she isn't made to? Maybe set a deadline for her to be out on her own too. If she can't afford it, she needs to get another job so she can. Lots of women make it on their own with their kids, but they have to be willing to work. She is taking advantage of you big time.
2007-02-07 02:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're going to have to lay down the rules of the household, and if she can't abide by them then they will have to find another place to stay. It sounds like with your stepdaughter is taking clear advantage of the situation. If she's laying on the couch make her get up and do things around the house. I had a neice like this and after awhile she got tired of being made to ''clean up her own mess'' and called her dad to pick her up and proceeded to lay around his house too doing completely nothing.
2007-02-07 02:22:44 · answer #7 · answered by Monique 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your husband since he is her father and she might not listen to you since you are the step mother... make sure he is on the same page with you and you guys tell her enough is enough. She either shapes up or gets out, she is an adult with a child and it's time she thought about bettering herself to become a better parent. Good luck....it seems alot of people are in the same position as you are now days.
2007-02-07 02:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Had a similar problem with my own daughter. We told her at the end of the year to start looking for housing because at Tax time she was using her check to move. No excuses about lack of money and we had a major problem removed from our home.
2007-02-07 02:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i could take a seat and talk to your better half and clarify all the flaws that are happening. i will think of that if he seems at them one after the other he could think of it is so undesirable yet while he's provided with them as an entire he might desire to work out how undesirable it is. it may be confusing so which you will handle a sprint bit a determine function and self-discipline her yet it is probable one clarification why she thinks she would be able to flee with issues. additionally your better half might desire to stand up extra to his ex while it includes you. you're his new existence now and he or she needs to get on with hers. you look as though a fine looking female and that i understand you would be p**sed off i could be to. As for the gown element christ i've got self assurance sorry for you that your better half has such a loopy ex. I definitely have a daughter and me and her father are not to any extent further jointly yet i could opt to think of if he have been given a sparkling better half i could be able to settle for it. i'm hoping this works out for you. xx
2016-09-28 13:18:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋