What would you do?

Question

I take a neighbours daughter to meet the school bus each morning as a favour. When the little girl came to me this morning (she's 7 by the way), she was quite upset as her parents had a big argument which resulted in a window getting smashed. She told me her mum then took it out on her, at this point the bus arrived and she couldn't elaborate any further. Her mum and dad argue and don't have a good relationship, although to my knowledge it hasn't been violent before.

I am at a loss over what to do. Shall I tell her mum how upset she was ? I don't want to interfere because no good will come of it, but would never forgive myself if the violence escalated.

I am on good terms with the girls grandmother, shall I confide in her instead?

Thanks for your help in advance.

Answer 1

don't tell the mum what the kid said, just ask if everything is ok because you noticed the kid was a little upset in the morning and leave it there.

talking to the grandmother is an option as long as you can trust her to not drop you in it with the parents.

Answer 2

Everyone has a row now and again, even the best of us. Sadly, when it happens, it can upset the kids but I wouldn't read too much into it until you you have further evidence. If you are positive that the child is in danger though then seek help from the authorities or the police. For the time being, talk to the neighbough and tell her what you you know. People like to keep that sort of thing quiet so if she knows that you know about their arguing and that it's affecting the child, that should be enough to calm things down.

Answer 3

You don't want to go to the mum or the grandmother, because if you go to the Mum, she may take it out on the girl & if you go to the Grandmother, it very well will get back to the Mum, causing the girl trouble at home. Don't talk to the little girl about it, let her come to you and be there to listen to her. There may quite possible be a lot more going on in the home then you realize. She confided in you, that means she trusts you, she didn't go to her Grandma, she came to you. If she confides in you more and it's worse, you need to look out for the childs best intrest and at some point you may end up having to contact authorities.

Answer 4

When she says her mum took it out on her, does that simply mean she was shouting at her or does it mean she turned violent? Obviously it's not fair for parents to take out their problems on children, but there is a difference. I would let the child know that if she needs to talk to someone that you are there for her. I think you cannot make such an important decision on such little information.

Talk to the child and see if she's ok and if anything else has happened. See if you can get her to elaborate on what happened on that occasion. When armed with more information you should be able to make a better informed decision as to who to involve (incidentally if you find out more information I would advise you do talk to the grandmother, but it may be wise to do it on neutral ground, such as a cafe or a park, rather than in her home).

It's good to know that you care enough to want to do the right thing.

Answer 5

You can't take what the kid said as the gospel truth.

If you are concerned then talk to the parents - it's a much better idea than gossiping behind their backs with the grandmother.

Be prepared for the parents to tell you to mind your own business if you don't get it right.

If you really want to help them, then why don't you offer to look after the kid one night while they go out for a meal or something.

Answer 6

If I were you, I would very carefully collect information from the grandmother, but without telling her what happened. And then you will see. Also, continue talking to the girl and ask her whether these arguments often become violent. Hope it will be okay.

Answer 7

Thats a tough one...you don't want to bring trouble to the little darling...but you cant ignore the situation. The grandmother sounds like a good solution. God bless you for caring too many people would turn a deaf ear.

Answer 8

I once overheard my bro-in-law talking bad to his small son and I told my mother instead of saying anything to him.

BAD MOVE. It got back to him thru my sister via my mother and he has banned me from his house (too long a story for this).

ANyway, skip the grandmother and go to the source if it really bothers you. Don't be accusing, but be diplomatic, like the first answerer says.

You don't want to put the parents on the defensive--you want them to talk to you, and also to listen.

Answer 9

maybe it would be better to talk to her mom and not to the grandmother for a start ...dont go looking for her but wait for the right moment and tell her how upset her daughter was

Answer 10

I would talk to the mom first cause chances are she doesnt know how much this is upsetting her daughter and she probably does not relize she is taking it out on her child.