My parents having favoritism? How to deal with it? please help >_<?

Question

I'm the oldest child in the family and I'm in highschool. I'm studying in a foreign country right now, so i'm having a hard time coping up in a lot of things...at school and at home. Being the first child, I often feel as if I'm just being experimented by my own parents. they make me do things without even supporting me. They make me go to school without even supporting me. They dont even appreciate my achievements. we don't talk anything about school and when they come home from work, we don't even have a good communication. They only draw attention to themselves and to their favorite child. Sometimes I feel out of place and not a part of the family because the only one they think about is my sister. And she's also selfish. My parents didn't attend my graduation when I was in grade 6, but when my sister graduated in grade 6, we had a big party at home and they were very proud of her. and in our field trip, I walked to school that early with my baggage and when we came back they

they didn't even pick me up at school. But the next year, when It was my sisters turn, tried their best just to accompany her to school and pick her up. there are a lot of things that I thought was unfair. lots of it.. Now i'm graduating again but I never felt support and care from my parents. since I can remember, I never had my parents support.I grew to be independent and acomplished things alone. I also work for my own money. I admit I still have hatered because there was a lot of things that happened to me and I've been through a lot of things alone. My parents are also not there in the days I consider important.. i'ts really unfair, why do I always have to be the one to be blamed for everything that happens at home and to my siblings? I'm the only one at home thats being shouted and treated differently..

I tried speaking to my parents before but it ended to nothing because they got angry instead. just by telling my mom a comment or even for a little thing, she takes it seriously and the thing that hurts me is she doesn't wan't to admit her fault.. he shouted at me instead and told me, that I act as if she's my daughter. That im higher than her.. She also told me " ofcourse I'm busy at so I dont have time in pampering you!!!" at an angry voice. For a little comment, she also says, " who are you to tell me that?!!" So sometimes when I have problems, I suffer alone.
thanks a lot for replying and giving me advices. I really apreciate it..

Answer 1

That must feel so bad! I really feel for you. Maybe you should try talking to them about how you feel. I'm sure they love you, they just have a hard time expressing it. Keeo being the good person that you are, and rest assured that you matter a lot!

Answer 2

I'm the scapegoat in my family also. It is a burden a lot of the time. My 2 sisters had all of my parents attention growing up and I was left to fend for myself. I learned to do things on my own and to be proud of myself for doing them. It took a long time but eventually I also learned that the only opinion of me that mattered was my own.

Now that I am a grown woman and a mother of a beautiful little girl I am aware of everything she does. I feel so proud of her for everything. But I am the most proud when I step back and let her figure things out on her own. (and she always does)

Sometimes parents don't know how to show it. Maybe they give your sister attention because they know she needs it. Maybe they know that you'll be OK on your own.

You sound like a smart person keep doing what you're doing and keep being proud of all your accomplishments. The only opinion that matters is your own. If you are happy with yourself that's what counts.

p.s. you mentioned you were in a different country right now. Why don't you try writing your parents a letter telling them how you feel. Don't be accusing though, Tell them how proud you are of your accomplishments and how proud you know they must be. Let them know you would like to hear it a little more often. tell them that you love them and are glad they are your parents. that should start the positive words flowing.
Good Luck

Answer 3

I went through the same thing and still do to this day. I've learned to accept that my Mother will always be that way and trying to make her accept me only leads to disappointment. You should be extra proud of facing diversity and acceling against all odds. Next time tell her that she can be mad if she wants but this is how you feel. Your feelings are just as important as hers and you forgive her for treating you so differently. You have what my therapist explains as Ugly Duckling Syndrome. She'll never change but you can take control on the way you will accept her treating you. In the end when she's old and lonely you will be the one she'll count on because no matter how she's treated you in the past you've proven to her you'll always be there.

Answer 4

It's ok I didn't watch Kenshin yet and I told Battou that I would. I guess I have to watch it for him sonner or later. ^_~ 1). How did you start to like anime/manga? When did you start liking it? >>I got bored on the internet one day and Googled a random word and I found a picture of the naruto cast......that led to me watching Naruto then expanding my horizon to a bunch of different animes. 2). You go to an amusement park and you see Ikuto there (from Shugo Chara!), what do you do? >>Take a picture and sell it on eBay. 3). Name your top 2 favourite anime charries :] >>Major Amrstrong from FMA [w00t! no shirts!] >>Grimmjow from Bleach 4). What if those 2 charries got into a fight? What would you do? >>Die from the excitememt 5). Zero (Vampire Knight) bursts into your room and says: Here! Take this! *gives a cupcake to you*: What would you do/say? >>Throw it back at him and say that I don't eat random cupcakes. 6). What are your top 5 anime sites to watch anime from? >>Anime Season >>MegaVideo >>DailyMotion >>Those are really the main sites I get it from but once in awhile I'll use a new site. <:::::Bonus Question:::::> *sighs and gets ready to ask* Judging from my name...what is my gender? xD >>I thinnk you might be a girl from the way you type everything and what kind of questions you ask. But I could be wrong. I've seen soom pretty strange things here before.

Answer 5

life is not fair. parents tend to feel guilty about being perfect with the first child, so they push you to achieve. along comes #2 and this child seems less independent, so they baby her more. she sees it works, so she becomes more helpless. When you are 30 and successful in your career, your sister will be coming to you with her two children and she won't be able to pay the rent now her husband has left her. embrace that you are learning independence. it will serve you well in life. don't hold on to the small things. they will drag you down. celebrate your accomplishments with friends and teachers who can express their feelings. your parents are not perfect. they don't know what they are doing. no parents do. we are in the family where we need to learn the most. my parents were exactly like this.

once you change your attitude so that you can accept them as they are, have a talk. tell tehm "when you do ____, i feel neglected" or, " i know you are proud of me, but it is really important to me that you come to _____ and share this moment with me" and use neutral tones. perhaps your parents are too busy and stressed to realize it and your approach can be changed. it will serve you well today to learn how to manage difficult people because life is filled with difficult people.

Answer 6

Lady friend, you are not alone in this. I am where I am today because of the same situation you are in. But it worked in my favour. I am highly independent. Left home at 17, worked part time and paid my tuition at university. Now Im an economist and no onw can claim the glory except for God. It must be very difficult I know, but be strong. I gurrantee things wont change. If you talk to them they will deny it. Build yourself through it!!!

Answer 7

I don't know your parents so I am not able to tell whether or not they have a favorite.
What I can tell you is that this is your life, YOU need to live it!
your achievements at school are not for your parents, they are for YOU.
YOUR ability to earn an income is directly related to your achievements or failures.
If you excel at school / University, then you have a better chance at earning a higher salary than your parents - combined.

Answer 8

Hey, take it easy. Could it be that your parents have so much confidence in you and how you have been very maturedly coping with issues? They could be very proud of you how you have been showing independence and not giving them much trouble. Your Mom could be upset when you querry whether they love you. Your younger sister is more dependent and therefore she needs more care. It is like you wll manure a weak tree to make it grow while the strong one has deep roots already. Dont worry, yours is the lot of first-borns. I am convinced that your parents love you so and are very rpoud of you. It must ache their hearts if you dont see it and that you are petty jealous of your sister--who they expect you should want to love and take care of too.

I didnt have very good communications with my Dad and thought that he loved my siblings more than me. But when he died, he left his estate in my care and all my siblings-older and youger-respect me for it. Cheer up

Answer 9

hi,
I'm so sorry that you feel that way, and in some parts you are right you are the one that they experimented on. kids don't come with instructions and most of the time with the first one they do a lot of thing wrong. i know that i did and because my son and i are so close he has had the courage to tell me about the things i have done with his sister and brother that i did or didn't do with him, maybe you should sit them down and tell them how you feel. look on the bright side you have learn to be independent how to take care of yourself mentally,with money, and physically. and she you sister is learning haw to depend on them.

Answer 10

I understand you but I think you should just give chance to your little sister because "maybe" when you are the only one before your little sister comes out from your mother, your parents spend time with you and they gave what you want. And now, when your little sister was born, they will also do that to her, even though my explanation is quite unclear, just remember what i have said.