My boyfriend of a year never confides in me or comes to me when he's got a problem.He's always been there for me whatever the time or place and I want to return the favour but he just never lets me in.My best friend's boyfriend confides in her all the time and she gets to be there for him while I don't.What am I doing wrong?He's been cheated on and betrayed time and time again by loved ones but I'm not like that and he should know it by now.I've never been unfaithful to him nor would I ever be.A few weeks back his dad was taken to hospital with a heart-attack and he didn't even call me.A friend at the hospital called me to let me know after the worst was over.What do I do?How can I show him that he can trust me?Could this just be a male pride thing?
2007-02-06 23:07:43 · 10 answers · asked by Jessie B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just continue doing your part. Sanity would prevail. Afterall everyone wants a shoulder to cry at. The solace and the comfort of your friendly warmth would definitely win over him. All the best!
2007-02-06 23:12:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already have your answer. You said he's been cheated on and betrayed time and time again by loved ones. This is not a male pride thing.
If a person experiences betrayal and cheating numerous times in their life, they soon build a wall and won't let anyone penetrate that wall. It's their security defense to being hurt emotionally again.
I have one of these and nothing short of a my death will ever bring mine down. I've tried counseling everything, but i just can't bring the wall down that i've built in the past 15 years.
What i've learned is that no matter how close a person gets to me i know i cannot totally trust them and won't even trust them past a certain point when it gets personal where the other person could really emotionally hurt me.
Your boyfriend has been hurt to many times by others that were very close to him, it's doubtful you'll ever see him open up to you to the extent you desire.
There is basically nothing you can do to change him, but just know this. It's not a male pride thing.
2007-02-07 07:19:52 · answer #2 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he has been cheated on before. This has happened to myself and it is really really hard to trust again, especially for a guy. It is embarassing a male pride thing, its hard for some guys to open up in the first place, and then to get betrayed is heart breaking.
I think if he's always there for you, then he is a loving caring guy, explain next time he's there for you, that you'd like to be there for him.
I know it can be hard to trust after a previous misplace of trust but there comes a time when he has to open up yo you, as the saying goes you should love like you've never been hurt!
2007-02-07 07:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by guttedfool 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys deal with stress or "trauma" differently. I am the same way. I would rather not let anyone know what I am going through then let people know. It is like putting up walls for protection or even self preservation. You feel like you are less likely to get hurt.
This is a hard thing to change as I know. I am trying to be better about this whole thing. It is being helped by the fact my girlfriend is encouraging me to do so. There is a big trust factor here. Let your boyfriend know that you do care about what he is going through and hopefully he will start to open up to you. Give him one reason to distrust you and he will run from you (emotionally) as fast as he can. Try not to nag about it though, that would be detrimental to tour relationship.
2007-02-07 07:22:04 · answer #4 · answered by Not older...better! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is exactly the same, so I encourage him not to bottle up his emotions as it could lead to HIM having a heart attack. It takes a year or so, just be patient.
2007-02-07 07:14:49 · answer #5 · answered by Wendy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could be just trully proud and doesn`t want you to know that he has weaknesses like everybody else.. maybe he feels that you will change your opinion on him if he will let you inside his mind.. try to tell him that this is important both for you and him separately and for you relation.. tell him that he has to trust you on this side of things..
from my experience, i tell you that a relationship doesn`t work only on one side.. confidence and trust are really important and if he doesn`t trust you.. you should think really hard if you want a guy who`s scared of sharing in your life.. who knows what he is hiding from you
2007-02-07 07:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by Dora 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its good to know u care ,many women dnt just say ok ,yes and as if u r speaking in a different valley and no echo to the voice except heard from u,try showing it and with time he will know u care
2007-02-07 07:14:29 · answer #7 · answered by reifguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no honey, it is not a male thing, it is a character thing. my husband is exactly like that and what i seem to do is always open subjects and show more emotion and communicate.. that is what you have to do, just push him to talk by being there and telling him that you care adn you feel isolated.. maybe he will open up and tell you
2007-02-07 07:22:31 · answer #8 · answered by gone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you comparing your boyfriend to other guys? First mistake. Second, maybe you should walk. Not that you will. Second mistake potential.
2007-02-07 07:11:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats probably just his personality, give him time he might learn to change his way
2007-02-07 07:12:44 · answer #10 · answered by f_jayce 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋