Ok Me and my partner have been together 4 years and starting to talk of getting married....Every time he says anything of marrige to his mum she becomes all clingy and miraculasly ill!!!She is 60 in all fairness and is always alright till we talk about getting married.She also keeps doing things for him that i have been doing for him for the last two years, like taking his washing out of the basket washing and ironing it and just leaving mine.Also she started recently getting up super early to make his breakfast.Its driving me nutty!!!!!
He is her only son and i can understand it but its pulling me to pieces and he can not see what she is doing!!!!
Also she does not speakk english as they are portuguese
I am 20 and he is 24
Any advise on what to do will be highly appreciated
Thank you
2007-02-06 22:18:37 · 13 answers · asked by Candiece D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
G'day Candiece,
Maybe you should learn portuguese to start with but don't tell the boyfriend or the mother, then you can really understand what is being said between your boyfriend and his mother. Hey, I'm paranoid about lot's of things, hahaha.
Is your boyfriend's father still around and able bodied? You mention that she is doing the things you have been doing and that she gets up to make his breakfast?
Have you considered you and boyfriend living in your own place for a while? I bet that discussion would make dear old mum just as ill. See, she is worried that if her little boy gets married then he will move away and there will be no-one to take care of her, or even worse, she will feel un-needed.
That is probably what drives her to do these things, fear of being alone and fear of being not needed. You may have to start helping her out around the house and dropping hints that you and boyfriend will always be around to be with her.
But that comes back to learning her language so you can talk to her.
Good Luck. Rod
2007-02-06 22:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To the person who said 20 is too young. I got married at 19. Still married, that was after 5 years of dating. Not all 20 year olds are immature. I had a place of my own and 2 jobs.
2007-02-07 06:53:56 · answer #2 · answered by J*A*K*C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its crazy , but normal the in-laws are just upset about losing his baby boy. Sounds like you live there with this big happy family. Thats the main problem right there, living with the whole family under one roof will only make problems. Just try to not get it upseting you, hey if she wants to make him breakfeast earlier than fine, but it wont happen forever, she thinks that if she is doing all of this for him that he will stay, there forever. So just talk to your man about it, and tell him that you want to get a house together or a apartment together. Let him know that things will be different but better with yous, that hes going to have to leave his parents at some point. It will help your relationship to move out for sure.
2007-02-07 06:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me! I married an only son in November. The Mom was cranky and wanted to help out alot before the wedding. I was cranky too. He calls her everyday. Things got a whole lot better AFTER the wedding and has been that way ever since. Your new mother-in-law is doing all this stuff, probably because she feels in a sense that she's losing him. Don't worry about anything. Best of luck and Congrats to both of you!!!:)
2007-02-07 06:24:16 · answer #4 · answered by j b 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need your own place. Forget the wedding and start talking about moving out. She'll get worse but unless and until your bf is ready to move out of home, you don't have a hope of a happy marriage. Get together with your bf and agree on a time line, whether its two weeks or two years. Make plans and do whatever you need to do to make it happen. If he doesn't commit to the idea of moving then I think you should think about moving on alone, unless you are prepared to spend the rest of your life living with his mum.
2007-02-07 09:04:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a momma's boy - have fun w that. He will not see anything wrong w what she is doing and will get angry w you for suggesting she is doing something wrong. You are both very young to be taking this step and that may be playing a role in what she is doing. The first thing you need to do is move out of her house and start "weaning" him off her and vice versa.
2007-02-07 07:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the perennial problem of mothers and sons (especially only sons!) that you as a potential wife/daughter-in-law will have to over-look. She feels threatened by her son's feelings for you and is afraid she will 'lose' him to you. Don't compete for his affection. Remember that she is a little old lady who loves the same man you do and allow this shared love to bring you closer rather than push you away.
2007-02-07 06:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by suziewong 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what you do.
If you both want to get married, go and do it privately, just you two, the officiant, and whoever you want as a witness for each of you.
After its official, and you have a house/apartment and everything set up, let her know.
Stop letting her run your life... try to make him see what she is doing.
2007-02-07 11:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK you have yourself a real mommas boy! You have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. He needs to step up to the plate and tell his mother to back off. If he cannot do this for you now it will only get worse. I would have second thoughts on marrying him if it were me.
2007-02-07 06:23:16 · answer #9 · answered by pamomof4 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is a mama's boy, and if you marry him, you're in for a rough ride. Mama will always intervene.
Walk away from this guy.
2007-02-07 07:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by ne11 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋