I have been married a long time. About 10 years ago my husbands drinking increased from social to blitzed on Fri & Sat. Now daily.
The last couple of years, with lots of pressure and disappointments in his life, his drinking has become as escape. A dangerous escape. He is not violent, but he is missing his life. I have to live the isolated life with him. I am trying to keep it together. I love him, but it is hard to be happy with what he has done with himself and our lives, with the alcohol.
I am going to try AlAnon, The web site was no real consolation to me, or even a direction that I see myself in. But, I am willing to try.
I don't want to just complain, I want some techniques to cope and maintain. I have no real power over him, but I can control how it effects me. A little help from people that have found what works for them would help.
Please no sarcasm, It toke a lot to just write this, so if you don't have empathy don't answer, go to another question.
Thanks
2007-02-06 20:39:43 · 9 answers · asked by Pat B 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You say you have to live an isolated life with him> This is the key phrase in your question. Pat, you only get one life don't spend it in
isolation due to your husband's problem. Think about what you would do if you were alone. I am NOT indicating that you leave him. I am encouraging you to live your life and let him live with his vices. There must be activities that you enjoy or dreams that you have for yourself. Do what you want to do, he probably isn't going to change and you don't want to grow old and have regrets that you missed out on life. You can't control what he does but you do have control over what you make your like to be.Life is too short to remain isolated from the world if you don't want to be.
2007-02-14 00:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pat there is little you can do until her reaches rock bottom. Despite him not being violent you are not really helping him by putting up with the isolation and drinking binges.
It would be in your interest to leave the environment and let things take a natural course. Whatever you suggest will be treated with denial and eventually abuse if it is pushed.
He knows he needs help, but will not take it due to the stubbornness of an alcoholic to admit he is a drunk.
regarding Alanon, Support for people who live or have lived with a drunk is good But it is a sort of rescuing the rescuer and in my opinion as a councilor and physician who has treated and worked with these people, not a lot of help. Not to say that you shouldn't attend, but don'rt place all your eggs in the basket.
You have to sometimes withdraw to make them see that what they have done is to drive people away and they need to feel loss and humiliation. This is often the catalyst that gets them on the road to seeking help. they even crash out a few times, but many will return. This is a ahrd road to walk and I empathise with you but you are going to have to make a decision for you very soon.
2007-02-06 20:56:15 · answer #2 · answered by Shelty K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't control something ... change how you think about it. That is one of the most important lessons one can learn."
I understand your situation.
Here are some questions you might want ask him and yourself.
to Him ... what is more important to you ... me? or alcohol? Reply to him ... "I feel your drinking is more important to you than I am'
to Him .... Please tell me how would you feel if you had to choose between me or alcohol.
Tell him how his drinking affects you ... the "When you drink I feel ______.
been there .... done that...
I understand how you feel isolated. The solution would be for you to build a life that you find enjoyable. Share your new experiences with your husband along with ... "I wish you WANTED to be there with me."
You could consider playing hard-ball. Let him make the choice ... you ... or his booze. The only thing about this would be for you to follow through.
Regardless of what you chose, I wish you well and peace of heart. Remember... his drinking is NOT your fault.
2007-02-13 12:47:56 · answer #3 · answered by Miss_Deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Pat, I to live with an alcoholic. It's my dad,i move in to take care of him,his health isn't good. I try to over look alot of things when he over does the drinking,but sometimes it get the better of me, and i either go outside for awhile or go out in the office,and answer questions on yahoo,like i am doing now, It helps me to relax,and not think of what is going on. If it works for me,maybe it will work for you. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-02-06 20:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/
http://www.aamolly.org.uk/drinkers.html
all these links will give you excellent advice and help.
The very first step in attacking any problem is to find out all you can about it. Information and helpful literature is available from many sources, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Mental Health Associations, and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence or Alcohol Concern. Your own GP will certainly be able to offer you advice and let you know what local help and facilities are available although don't be surprised is he is not able to discuss the particular patient. He will respect their privacy as he would respect yours. In all probability your local clergyman has special knowledge of alcoholism and its related problems and will be glad to give you the benefit of his/her counsel.
If you are seriously interested in being of help, it will be very useful for you to attend a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are probably several groups of this organization in your local area, or nearby; if you have a legitimate interest in an alcoholic problem you will be most welcome to attend regular "open" meetings. For information about time and place of such meetings ring the number in your local telephone directory. There are some excellent books on the subject available from your local library. "Alcoholics Anonymous", the AA Big Book written by the Founders of AA, and "Getting Better Inside Alcoholics Anonymous" by Nan Robertson are both essential reading.
2007-02-13 23:24:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly he has to hit bottom before he changes, if he changes, the real question here is do you go with him or do you bail and try to make a life yourself. I can't tell you what to do, but whatever you do he will blame you anyway. Its not you, remember that. You have started to find your way, good luck and press forward, its not an easy journey but it will be so sweet when you get there.
2007-02-14 11:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by lego 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a ex-drinker your partner has to realize he has a problem .painting a picture of all the things you all are missing entertainment,toys,family,the list goes on does help but the timing has to be right,try not to force him,treathen him cause all that does causes is anger .hopefully u can get to him before he hits rock bottom or before the health issues kick in.love is a very hard to break but real important to the recovery.i think timing has alot to do with it hopefuly you are patient enough.good luck.
2007-02-07 02:18:37 · answer #7 · answered by carlos t 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do something eles ride a bike, play video games, do something ,live a day like a kid, jion the 12 step to quit group. all in all don't go there just live with out beer.
2007-02-14 02:50:06 · answer #8 · answered by nathan v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to dryout, or your out,
2007-02-06 20:50:07 · answer #9 · answered by dorothy u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋