Why is it rude to talk about money?

Question

Particularly when you ask someone the price of an object that they have, you admire it, maybe you want one of your own or you wonder what something like that is worth. I'm not talking about gifts, here.

Then there is the issue of income or net worth. I can understand not making it everyday conversation at work and setting up a competition among co-workers.

I just wonder if being less secretive about money and budgeting in terms of lifestyle wouldn't help us to understand as a society what people can afford and how they make it happen...and help with our tendency to try to keep up with the Jones'.

As long as you don't judge someone based on their money situation, or brag about your finances...an open discussion between friends, etc should be acceptable.

Agree or disagree? Can you help me understand?

Just to clarify, I am not obsessed with money, just curious sometimes, wondering what it takes to be able to do certain things. I know I could accomplish my wants and needs different ways by giving up one thing to get another on the same budget...but still it is nice to be able to see what a lifestyle is worth, you know?

Honestly, if you knew me personally, you would know that I don't give a damn about money...I've never made what my skills are worth (won't tell you how much because apparently it is rude.) It just seems to be a big cultural secret that's all and I wondered what is the big deal.

Your answers are all very much unique and appreciated, keep em coming! Just please don't judge me for asking the question. NOT obsessed with money.

Answer 1

my parents have alotta money. people eventually found out because of my lifestyle, not from bragging, and now i deal with having to sort out who is a genuine friend and who wants to keep up with the jones' (which is utterly repulsive in my opinion). i could have kept things low-key, i.e. not drive a certain car, etc., but then i decided i wasn't going to live a lie either and should not alter my existence for other people's ignorance and sometimes jealousy. the reality is for those who think they know my net worth, i'm labelled and judged accordingly. offhand remarks become common...such as: you don't have to work, you can just have fun...wtf...i wish i had a dad like yours...etc. and thats why its unacceptable; because in my case it has led to a sneer or a bunch of Judas' eventually showing their true nature. (not most people, but enough to become disheartened)

regarding asking the price of objects, its bad manners. i told my good friend the price of something once thinking it was a good-natured solitary event like you initially described and now all i hear is how much was your house...how much are you going to get paid... I'm really hurt by how this friendship has evolved and you can only come up with so many witty ways to diffuse the invasive questions.

if you need help budgeting then ask your friend that rather than putting him or her on the spot.

and now i'm going to preach a little bit...be happy, content with your current state, the one you're in right now while reading this. reach for the stars and try to discover your potential, but not through finances, rather by searching for purpose and meaning. take it from someone who's been very rich and very poor.

Answer 2

I'm comfortable financially but I wasn't always. I don't see the big deal because when I had nothing I always felt positive. If someone had it better extremely or slightly I was excited for them. I just love people and life poor middle rich lets all just enjoy our damn selves!

Answer 3

For your first question, they may feel like if they were to tell you the price, they may think of themselves as "bragging" and don't want to. As for income-especially being discussed at work-even upon occasion? No way! I had one job where I did payroll-all information was personal and confidential. The only ones I spoke with about it-my mgr. and the other boss who signed the paychecks. It also helps on jobs that are similar to not discuss your income, one may make a little more than the other in a same, or near same position, length of tme with the company, etc. Plus, my father taught me as a child, what the income was of the family--was no one's business!As for terms of lifestyle-with the cost of everything these days, people probably don't want to discuss their income, or any other part of their budget-simply because maybe they are just barely making it-yes, some to keep up with the jones's, and others, just cause they need to stretch every dollar that comes in-and they may be too embarrassed to tell anyone. I agree, no one should judge another based on their money situation, whether good, bad, really good, or really bad. Good questions for a good conversation too! Take care.

Answer 4

Wow - what a fantastic, thought-provoking question!! As a general rule, I stay away from discussing my finances with anyone other than my husband.

I think that the reason that people are so uncomfortable with discussing money is self-consciousness.

For example, if I bought a sweater and someone asked me how much I paid for it, and I answer honestly one of two things is going to happen: one, the asker will think I spent too much money and begin to form that opinion that either I must make a lot of money or I'm trying too hard to keep up and question my ability to manage money. Two, if the asker thinks I spent too LITTLE money, I'm cheap, frugal, etc. It's a double-edged sword.

As for income, it should never EVER EVER be discussed at work. I remember in college, a co-worker at my job blurted out how much she was making. I'd been there longer than her and was making less. I complained (and got more money), but I felt seriously undervalued as an employee as a result of it, and it took a while to get the chip off my shoulder.

And I guess that self-consciousness is the reason one should be careful discussing income with friends as well. You never know who will become resentful of your income, or jealous of what you make, or critical of how you spend your money.

I agree that they shouldn't, but money does weird things to people!!

Answer 5

Disagree. It's rude, period, full stop. You seem rather obsessed with money. One doesn't need to know or discuss everything. It's tacky besides.You are in a home, not a shop. What does it matter what someone makes or what an item costs? Enjoy their company and admire the object on it's own, not for it's sales value.

And it is not just judged as rude in Europe - I am American and was brought up with decent manners. I am always amazed when people start discussing money outside of a business context. It is just bad form.

Answer 6

You're right on the money (pardon the pun). It is in poor taste to discuss one's own finances or other people's especially when it comes to salaries and the size of bank accounts. It sounds like your relative is very insecure and that's why she wants everyone to know how much money she has. It's okay to say, I'm watching my budget, that restaurant is a little too expensive, I'm trying to save money, etc. as long as that doesn't go overboard or become obsessive.

Answer 7

When people are more or less equal in their income and purchasing power, then talking about money is not a problem for anyone.

But when there is inequality and one can afford to buy things that others cannot, then talking about money can start all kinds of jealousies and hard feelings.

Money gives people power and social status. And no one likes to be reminded that he or she has less power and less social status.

Answer 8

Because most people do judge others by the amount of things they can buy and their expense. It's also rude to ask people what kind of job they do, but we do that constantly here in america. If you did that in europe you would be looked down on for presuming to ask someone what they did for a living.

Answer 9

I agree with your logic, but most people feel they *will* be judged based on money or what they've purchased, therefore don't want their income put up to be judged.

Answer 10

well i agree..
but that in situation you and your friends share same opinion, understanding..
may be the problem is most of us are insecure and unsatisfied.. so when you talk about money.. the blame isn't yours.. but down deep inside them, arise a deep emotion of unsatisfaction, want more, not enough.. but we should unattach from material-oriented thinking.. so it should be okay to talk money..