depressed!!!?

Question

i am 21 years old and feel depressed virtually all the time. i really just hate myself, stemming mainly from (i think at least) the fact that i have never had a girlfriend, and that i have never even had a girl really interested in me. i feel extremely ugly, both inside and out, and just feel like i will never be able to attract a girl. i have smoked weed for the last couple of years (i began just after my father passed away) nearly every day to cope, and it has helped quite a bit. but i am sick of the side effects, and also being seen as a 'stoner'. i quit during this period for over a month, but felt worse by the end. i am too ashamed to seek out expensive psychologists, am very hesitant and wary of anti-depressant drugs, and just dont really want to live anymore. my confidence and self esteem seem to be forever falling, but i feel like my only way out is not an option due to my family. after 21 years with no interest from girls, you do start thinking what is wrong with yourself

i am short, red hair, obvious freckles, hairy (covering my whole back, shoulders and chest), have an ugly scar across my nose, dandruff, eczema. i feel like i almost have a disability. i dont want to live my life in this body, and feel like i am held so far back by my looks. i am heavily into music, and my dream was to be a songwriter in a band. but i know that i will never be able to make it due to how i look (this i have already been told by people in the industry).
if anyone can suggest a way to solve this way of thinking, it would be much appreciated

Answer 1

I agree, you need to see a pychologist, there is no shame in it. i thought the same thing, but after the first few sessions i opeed up and it fels great to be able to just talk to someone who is not biased. I recently got diagnosed BiPolarm and now can get the right help need, this is wat you need to do, see someone so you can get the right help!

Good Luck with everyhting.

Answer 2

Hang in there!! ~_~
I will say this though...if you're not happy with yourself it's hard for other people to be too. It's also hard for you to notice if someone is interested in you. You're to down on yourself or maybe wanting someone else to be interested in you that you fail to maybe notice the shy girl checking you out. Think about that.

Also, drug use is a turn off to some girls. I commend you for being able to quit for a month. Try it again, and you will feel worse but that's because you were using the drugs to keep that feeling away. Find something else to take an interest in.

Although little side note: We girls sometimes bring more problems than we take away. ~_^

I'm with you though on the "depression". I'm battling it myself right now, and I've got a guy, and 3 beautiful little girls. Depression comes from the inside, not the outside. Strange uh?

Answer 3

I know EXACTLY how you feel. But, you need to try to get passed the whole gf issue. Eventually it will come. But it's not the end of the world. If I were you, I'd talk to a doctor about anti-depressants. There are so many out there, that oone is bound to work. I was on Paxil at one time because I was doing to myself what you are doing. I didn't get laid til I was almost 22. I never had a gf in school and had no one even remotely interested. Just be yourself, and trust that someone will come along. It'll be when you least expect it. Godd Luck, Man!!!

Answer 4

You need some help if you feel depressed all the time.You said you hate yourself because of not having a girlfriend. I'm glad you weren't set on this being the root of your problem. Usually, it is not our outward circumstances, but the situation of our heart. You've had a major loss with your father passing away and your heart is sad and grieving for his absence. Having just lost my mother two weeks ago, I can identify. You said some other things that to me were significant:
1. You've been using weed to cope
2. You don't like the side effects
3. You don't like to known as "the stoner".
4. You are ashamed to seek help
5. You are wary of anti-depressant drugs
6. You feel trapped without a way out of your circumstances

My comments:
1. Drugs of whatever class can only dull our pain
2. All drugs have side effects and create further needs of coping
3. You are not happy that you may be known as a "stoner"
4. You are ashamed and fearful to seek help because of the possibility of being further shamed and hurt
5. You have been trusting in weed, but are non-trusting of antidepressants
6. Life for you is too painful and you have seemingly lost control of changing it; therefore, would wish not to live

Summary with Resolution:
1. Antidepressants are like using a crutch. When you have broken your leg, it is much easier to heal and cope with daily life if you use a crutch. Stress can create a need for such a crutch while you heal. If it is available by an authorized dispenser, make use of it.
2. Sit down and think of who and what you wish you could be. Make a list of qualities and virtues that you admire in others. Then write down large goals to achieve the above qualities. Break down your large goals into small pieces. What will I do today that will contribute to my reaching my ultimate goal tomorrow.
3. As you begin to take responsibility for your life, it will produce a surprising affect. You will begin to realize you are no longer a loser, but someone who can turn their life around. Your confidence and self esteem will be small seedlings that begin to grow. Every small step you take will water them. Speak positive words to your self! I'm a winner. I can beat the odds. I will take charge of my life.
4. Girls and boys alike are attracted to a winner and achiever. Such a person is surrounded by people who wish to identify with you.
5. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Marriage may not come until you are 40, but when it does, you will be ready. You will be healthy emotionally and stable ready to build a home and care for someone who will become your life-long partner.

Conclusion:
1. See a Psychiatrist and get started on an antidepressant
2. Cease smoking weed
3. Begin an exercise program
4. Go to church
5. Pray for God to come into your life
6. Eat properly
7. Sleep properly
8. Practice laughing

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

I can relate to you a lot. I'm 18 and I've struggled with depression and anxiety for quite a few years. I think therapy would be very beneficial for you...you should at least try it. I've been put on anti-depressants and I always refused to take them...I would rather overcome my problems by myself and not rely on drugs to get me by.

Now, I'll be honest with you....getting a girlfriend probably won't help. I thought getting a boyfriend would help me feel better about myself...but it didn't. I ended up feeling even worse, actually...I was worried and paranoid that he didn't like me and that he was cheating on me..etc. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Don't feel like that. You are good enough. You need to find happiness within yourself. I know it's hard, but confidence really is the key to attracting the opposite sex. After my first boyfriend broke up with me for being too insecure...I decided to change my outlook and stop feeling so negative. Yeah, I may not be pretty...but I'm a kind and caring person and that counts, right?

I started getting out more and acting confident...and it worked! (Not sounding cocky at all...being honest here...) In a short amount of time, I had about 10 guys who liked me. I never had any guy like me in high school except for the two I dated in high school. In fact, one guy who seemed like he would never even give me a second glance really liked me. He told me my confidence with him is what got him to notice me and he loved it. I'm telling you...confidence is key. I'm not pretty at all (black hair, fair skin, green eyes...no one likes that) and by acting confident, I was noticed and liked.

In my opinion, the only people I think are ugly are the people who are cruel to others. You seem like a very nice and sweet guy. I don't even need to see you.... you are wonderful on the inside and outside.

I do think you should stop smoking weed, however...you might get too dependent on that if you think it will make you feel better. You don't want to face the consequences of what could happen to you if you were too stoned. You are too good to be a stoner.

I'm very sorry about your father. Losing a parent is always difficult. Talking your feelings out will help tremendously. Things will get better. Again, I'm very sorry.

If you would like to talk more, just ask and I'll give you my email address. I hope I was able to help and I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself and be confident! Good luck! :)

Answer 6

First I want to say, not having that option because of your family sucks. Believe me, I feel the same way :-\.

And now, back to the answer - Sorry to hear that you're feeling depressed. One thing I can tell you is that girls are attracted to guys who have a sense of confidence, are secure with themselves, and can make ppl laugh.

I know that even back when I was fat and not so attractive, the days I faked having confidence and being secure with myself, even the goodlooking guys were interested in me. It was crazy - yes, I'm a girl, but it works both ways. By the way, I'm still fat, but at least I'm not ugly.

Pot does wonders doesn't it? I lost my brother on my 17th birthday and well, yeah.

So anyway, there are things you can do to work on treating your depression without professional help. We need to talk (nlywy23 on messenger or [e-mail]). I don't want to list teh 1000 things to try. And I need to know more about what you do with your day, work, education, etc.......................

Answer 7

It's all in your head my friend.Get some B complex vitamines and hit some health club,be active, meet new people.Just change your boring lifestyle,and surroundings.Stop inhaling weeds and get off drugs.Be tough on yourself a bit.You're young, you can do it !!! I know you can ! All the best to you, my friend ! Been there, done that !!

Answer 8

Concerning girls since feminism has diminished femininity it is really hard to find that girl next door type. Depression is not a self induced symptom it is a by product of our rotten society it is not your fault your father died and you should not blame yourself for his death. Sin is our greatest problem. Psychology does not help it dwells on the past. Jesus said he came to set the captives free from sin. Just believe. Jesus is not religion he is God who took all your rebelliousness and placed it on the cross and he said Father forgive them. Depressed!!!!??? Your sins are forgiven.

Answer 9

id say you dont sound that bad, all you need is a makeover. id say go get waxed and a haircut and some new clothes and also get somthing to clear the exsema ?? and then you should be good.

Answer 10

Counseling is available through your county social services. Please talk to a family member if nothing else. People care about you. You are not alone.