When I met my boyfriend 3 years ago I knew he had kids but he didn't have full custody of them until a year and 1/2 ago. He's 30 and I'm 23. It's been hard for me to deal with the kids around. I like them but I feel jealous of them. I've watched them before, picked them up and have taken them out but he doesn't presure me to do any of it. It's hard to explain and I think it's bad that I want to break up with him because he has kids. I understand he has different priorites then I do now and things will never be the same. I'm not ready to take on the responsibilties of helping him raise his kids. There's still a ton of things I want to do and I wish he could do them with me but he can't. Is it bad that I want to break up with him because he has kids? Please don't be mean when you answer. I love him and like his kids but it's just getting to confusing and hard to deal with all of it.
2007-02-06 18:53:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sweetie, it is certainly not bad that you are not comfortable with this relationship. You are honest with yourself. It is far better to admit to not being able to handle something than to do it anyway and become mean and resentful.
You are not a bad person for wanting to date a person who does not have children. You cannot change things and I admire the fact that you realize that he has to do the right thing for his children, and that they do have to be a priority. You are a very mature woman.
Good luck.
2007-02-06 18:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being mean. You are being realistic. A seven year age difference isn't huge but it can seem so, especially when you throw children into the mix. His priorities should be his kids. Yours don't have to be. If you want to break up with him you should do so as soon as possible. You have already been a part of his kid's lives for over a year. Explain to him that you are not ready for parenthood. It is unfair to him and his kids for you to stick around if you resent them. He shouldn't have to choose between you and his kids.
2007-02-06 19:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember one thing. His kids are more important to him than you. And it is suppose to be that way. When men are with women who have kids, it is the children that come first to the woman, not her man, as many women make that mistake and as a result, her kids turn into problems, and often have serious issues upon entering adolescence and even into adulthood. You got with him under those circumstances and if you don't want to be with him anymore, then break the news to him (even though it will break his heart) and get yourself out. Your wasting his time. Put yourself in his shoes and see about what you would do... I commend him and respect him. You should too.
2007-02-06 19:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by cpinkfloyd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not bad acutally at least you realize this. it would be worse to him and those children to have a mother who doesn't want to be there for them 100% and neither your boyfriend or his kids deserve that they deserve a mother to be hands on and loves the kids just as much as she loves her man she's with. after all they are a product of him.
So its good you realize this. and not be selfish for your own needs to just have him and then the kids will feel neglected. so your actually doing them a service by backing off. Its too bad things didn't work out. and im sure you care for him but if your not ready to love all in this then you can't move forward it wouldn't be fair for him and his children and you won't be happy and it would ruin more than just one person life. but hurt a whole family.
So you have to go with how you feel.
2007-02-06 21:59:47 · answer #4 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a woman's life. Do consider carefully. If you think you can't deal with the kids, don't force yourself. If, I say if, one day in the future you happen to ill-treat them, people will say that you are a horrible stepmother.
However you should not give up your relationship with him just because he has kids. Do give yourself some time to consider as well as your boyfriend. Remember to be fully prepared when you marry.
Good luck.
2007-02-06 19:01:12 · answer #5 · answered by WoShiLamer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nope.. its not bad that you think like that.. some people were cut out for kids and others werent (I would be the latter case)
personally I have no interest in kids.. and wont even date anyone with kids.. i dont hate kids.. hardly i just have no place in my way of life for rasing them.. If others do thats Cool with me.. its just NOT for me...
2007-02-06 19:02:51 · answer #6 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to break it off with him now and let the children start to heal from your disappearance and their father's sadness than to let it go any longer and just make metters worse and more complicated for them when you do decide to leave. You are the one who is judging yourself. If you need to go, then go. But don't drag it out and make those kids go through any more than they have to, or their Dad.
2007-02-06 19:00:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read you letter again and again--see the answer??? Get on with all the stuff you want to do with YOUR life--being a mom is not figuring into the mix and you will not ever feel any different no matter how much time you spend with him----
2007-02-06 19:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not bad to feel that way. It's hard, but not bad. You guys are in different places in your lives. He made choices about marraige and kids in the past, you didn't. When your relationship started the kids weren't in it the way they are now.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be ok, just be honest and compassionate with yourself and with him.
2007-02-06 18:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
truth is if you cannot deal with it now, it's not going to get any better....you probably shouldn't have dated him since you knew he had kids, but hey, you are young and you do deserve to live your life however you please....just make sure you break up with him sweetly and do it sooner rather than later...remember, his kids are getting attached to you...don't hang on to something you can't give your whole heart to, they all deserve better...
2007-02-06 19:16:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋