i have a 6 yo daughter ..who's being abusive towards my mother (grandma) when I'm at work?

Question

My mother told me that my daughter does not respect her ..hits her ..throw chairs at her...and slippers at and her..and say bad words...i don't understand i never heard her cursing ..and she act normal when i am around and she knows better than to even put a hand on my mother...she act's totally different when i'm around..please help ...i went back to work and i know she still miss me ..but this?..being bad to grandma ..my moms?.....why she act's like that when i'm not around...this really hurt my feeling .....i took my daughter to the side and told her ..how sad i feel that she is treating my mother like that. ..and i firmly told her don't ever do that to grandma ..but grandma...never tells me what she does...and defends her and tries to get in ..in the way i parenthood my child..please help ..what would you do if that was your child treating your mother bad?

Answer 1

to tell you the truth i think your daughter misses you when you go to work and that is why she is abusive. Your daughter probably is taking her anger and sadness out on your mother. You should hire a nanny, because being abusive to an old woman, that's just wrong. You should try to spend some more time with your daughter and let her know how you feel. Tell her that grandma is very special and if she loves you, then tell her to do you a favor and be respectful to your mom.

Answer 2

Sounds like you need to set your child straight. I find it hard to believe, as a mother of a five year old, that she is allowed to behave this way. I would simple pick her up, set her on her bed, and have her sit there for 10-15 minutes to think about the purpose of her behavior. Taking away things she enjoys, such as TV or outside time, would help her understand that there are results from actions.

If all else fails, a good spanking will let her know you aren't joking around. I've had to issue a few myself. Your mother needs to put her foot down, no more letting her get over everyone.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Answer 3

You know, I'm not someone who isn't nice to children; and nobody could treat children with more respect and care than I do; but if my six-year-old did that I wouldn't be saying, "how said I feel" or that it "hurts my feelings".

I would get the kid by the two shoulders, stare at her right in her eyes, and say (in a calm but really firm and really solid voice - not yelling though), "If you EVER, EVER, DARE to talk back, swear, or hit Grandma EVER, EVER, again I am going to make an appointment for you to see a doctor to find out what is making you be such a nasty, nasty, little girl; and you will get NOTHING from me - not even the use of my television - until you cut the crap."

Is there any chance you hit your daughter, and your mother doesn't want to tell you what she does because she doesn't want the child hit? If, by any chance, you or someone else who is around your daughter show temper and swear there's a chance she's too intimidated to act up in front of you but going to copy the behavior of whoever may do that when she has the chance and is with her grandmother, who she knows won't hit her or do anything.

Her behavior is not at all a good sign. Its not like she's doing some little bit of acting up. She is being aggressive and hostile, and maybe setting up an appointment with a family counselor could get to the root of it. Some kids will take a little advantage of grandmothers and try to stay up later or eat more cookies than their mother wants them too, but your daughter's behavior is serious, as I'm sure you know.

One thing, though: If you come across to a child like your feelings are hurt and you kind act helpless it won't do any good. What they respond to is your asserting yourself as a parent and coming across with a "knock it off or else" attitude. I'm not saying to hit her or otherwise physically punish her, but there are ways to punish a child like taking something away from them or not allowing television or not buying them anything (not even a candy bar) until they shape up.

Answer 4

Your mother disciplined you, right? Y isn't she applying those same principles to your daughter?

U can only teach your child right from wrong, but sometimes it takes consistent re-enforcements such as that which would come from your spouse and the grandparents.

Sit down with grams and have a discussion on your expectations of discipline. Encourage her to be consistent. Sometimes our encouragement helps grandparents overcome their fears about over-stepping their boundaries. . . Have a conversation about how you discipline at home, what you expect her to do in your absence, etc. Become a Discipline Cheerleading Coach. . .Certainly, you have come to realize that a mother is a Mom, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Cheerleader, Wife/girlfriend, Employee/er. . . A Discipline Cheerleading Coach is just one more hat for the SuperMom's to put on. . .

SMILE! I wish you and grams well in getting "Miss Much 2 Young to be cut'n up like this" in check.

Answer 5

I don't want to hurt you by saying ( which may be true to some extent) that there might have been some bitterness between your mom and your daughter in past, maybe your mother said something or when you are away at work, she is strict or adamant on any issue which she( your mom) did not tell you, this might have aroused your daughter's anger towards her grandmother.......what you can do is ask very politely your mom if anything your daughter does which annoys her, if she admits, try to talk that with your daughter. Its sometime difficult to make old people understand. You need to be very tactful.

Answer 6

Call your Pediatrician and ask them.
If it's only Grandma, then that's one thing - but does she act out the same way with kids at the playground or when there are cousins at Grandma's house too?

How about school? What do her teachers say?

Teachers and Pediatricians have vast experience and can answer you very specifically - and even support you on a day to day basis.

Find ways to talk to her at her level...like this game:
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/stories/flash.php?contentId=9526256

Have her talk about her friends who also have mothers that work - what does she think they are nice to their grandmothers/babysitters? Shouldn't she be like her friends?

You are right to be concerned - a 6 year old should understand that disrespecting her Grandmother will have consequences.

Answer 7

I have a 7 year old who is an angel. I never had to spank her because (besides her being a daddys girl) I will firmly say her name to call her. If that doesn't work say it firmer. She has to gain the notion in her head that she might lose your love if she continues what she is doing (although realistically we know the truth). I hate doing it, but then again, never had to spank. I even believe in spankings.

Also Granny, since your daugthter is with her more often then most grandparents are, she has probrably had more opportunity to spoil her then most. This is a problem and you may want to ask your mother to help raise your child as if your daughter is you. Make her think about what she did as your mother to raise you up the right way.

Answer 8

DEAR RULES TO SET DOWN ASAP IT IS THE TIME OF THE BAD MOTHER THE NEW SHERIFFS IN TOWN MOM THAT MEANS YOU OK (1) FOR BAD WORDS WASH HER MOUTH OUT WITH DAWN DISH WASHING SOAP PUT HER ON HER KNEES IN THE CONNER NOSE TO THE WALL YOU SET TIME LIMIT BUT DO NOT TELL HER OK. TIME OUT YOUR ROOM DOOR OPEN NO TV VIDEO GAMES AND NO TOYS LAST IS A GOOD OLE FASHION SPANKING WHERE SHE HAS TO SIT ON A PILLOW FOR ABOUT A WEEK MAKE HER UNDER STAND YOU MOTHER HER AUNT YOU AND ALL FAMILY MEMBERS ARE IN CHARGE OF HER SHE DOES NOT HAVE A SAY IN ALL OF THIS SHE IS THE CHILD AND NOT THE GROWN UP GET IT STRAIGHT ARE MOMMY'S GOING TO GET REALLY MAD OK TAKE CARE

Answer 9

I hate to tell you this, but can't Grandma stand up for herself?

Answer 10

I would find another caregiver personally. It's not fair to your mom.