What age is it safe to take a child to a funeral?

Question

My daughters father complained that I took her to my grandmothers funeral. He didn't say anything about not wanting her to go until after it was done and over with. I talked to him before we went and while I was at the funeral home. He makes no since to me. Please let me know if he does to you. Our daughter is 4 and she didn't even go near the body. They had a separate room that all the kids stayied in during the cerimony. He won't listen to me on that though. At what age would you take a child to a funeral and what age is it safe to teach a child about death?

My children have lost pets any we have told them and my son's father is passed on so my son knows about death it's just my daughters father wants to keep her in the dark about everything.

Her father did not even offer to watch her so I could go and again (GM) she was in another room

Answer 1

I believe that if you just teach children that death is a natural part of life and something they are always aware of, they well have less fear and trouble accepting it. After all, there is no reason to fear the inevitable. (Think about the serenity prayer.)

If you like, the book "Freddie the Leaf" by Leo Buscaglia is an exceptionally book for talking about death with children.

I think the impirtant part is to just be honest with them, if you have an idea of heaven, share that with them, if not maybe just talk about the idea of peace and silence.

Answer 2

My grandma died when I was 6 and my sister was 4. Our cousins were 2 and 4. We all went to the funeral. At the time, the three of them didn't understand what was going on in any way, and I had the chicken pox and was just itchy like nothing else so didn't really care to know what was happening.

I think that you can bring your kids to a funeral when you are prepared to explain to them about death. Most kids can grasp a vague sense of death probably around age 4 or so. If they had pets die, as you say, and they understood that, they should understand their grandmother's death in some sense.

Answer 3

My mother took me to a funeral at age 4 . It was for my great uncle. She let me look at him and everything. My brothers and sisters and I grew up on a farm, so we learned about death very early.
I think I really understood it at about age 6 or so.

I wouldn't have a problem taking my 3 year old to a funeral, if the need arose.

Answer 4

Since your child was in a separate room I don't feel there was any harm done. That being said, I think children under the age of twelve have no business at funerals.
One should only provide a child with answers about death when asked and just enough information to satisfy them.

Why expose them to the ugly, harsh realities of life when they will be exposed to them sooner than later.
I would never take my child to a funeral unless they were at least twelve years old and wanted to go.

My best friend had to go to her mother's funeral and visit her gravesite on a regular basis and even today she has bad dreams about it....she's 53 years old.

To subject a little child to certain realities in life that are even difficult for adults to understand is unforgivable! One example is the case of Susan Smith who drowned her two children in a lake. Women were literally taking their own children down to the lake and pointing out to them what had happened, explaining the murder, weeping, etc.
As far as I'm concerned that is child abuse, taking those little innocent minds and filling them up with horrible images and words, it's no wonder the children of today are so insecure.

In the words of Groucho Marx, "Funerals are Grotesque."

Answer 5

When my step mom died in June, their 3 year old son was there through out the whole thing, from the funeral home the night of the viewing to the graveside service the next day. He even touched her body.

I think when there's a death, if the child is old enough to understand, even a little, then it's okay to teach them about it. I think the innocence of childhood and the blind faith that children posess helps them deal with it better. Through the whole ordeal, my brother kept telling people his mommy was sleeping and wouldn't wake up until judgement day. That's what the religion of the adults around him had taught him, and it comforted him that she would wake up some day.

Answer 6

I think that if the child understands what death is, then it's ok to take them at any age. The first funeral I went to was when I was three. I didn't freak out about seeing a dead person. Some people shelter their kids too much, death is a natural part of life.

Answer 7

There is no set age. My niece was two when she went to her paternal grandmother's funeral, and she saw the body. In my opinion death should be taught right alongside sex...and started as soon as they begin asking questions about it. There is nothing horrible about death. It is a fact that we ALL are going to die and it shouldn't be "scary". I think your daughter's father's problem is that HE has a fear of death...which he'd better get over because he isn't going to live forever. Humanity already lost that one back in the Garden of Eden...

Answer 8

My son was age 4 when his sister died in 1990 from cancer.
He went to the funeral.
Matter of fact he was in the hospital room only minutes of her passing.

This was very hard on him. He was young. And dealing with the death of his sister was hard. He does not suffer any ill effects by being at the funeral.

My son is almost 21 and recently got a tattoo of praying hands with his sisters name under it.

I dont think you was wrong for taking your daughter to the funeral.

Answer 9

well, any age would be ok and i think that at the age of 4 the child wouldnt understand what was going on half of the time. So it's ok. It really depend on the parents but i think it's ok at the age of 4. Even if they are a bit older they wouldnt understand much about life and death. So until they can fully understand they could decide if they wanna go to the next one or not. well, good luck

Answer 10

It's "safe" at any age. Sometimes it's best to have them go to a funeral when they are younger, of someone they don't know well. For example, when my son was five, his grandmother died and we didn't want him to the funeral, but he came to the dinner. We didn't want him to remember her in a negative way, and he hadn't seen her when she got really sick either. So, his memories of her are very positive. Of course, we talked to him about death and what happens. Kids are naturally curious, so it's better to talk to them than to have them imagine things.