What would you do if you sat next to someone and they got up and sat next to someone else, embarrassing you?

Question

This happened to me back during my school years a lot. I would walk into the lunch room, where you sometimes feel like all eyes are on you. Well, one table was always fully taken up with all of the cool kids. I would sit down at the table with the semi-cool kids which wasn't as packed. Anyway, sometimes when I sat down next to a kid. He'd be there for awhile and we even exchanged a couple of poltie words. However, a couple seconds later, he would get up and go sit next to someone else. A lot of people would see it to and I felt kind of embarrassed. No one was sitting by me, and I didn't really know how to react. Anyway, after that experience, I never went to lunch again and that was in the 7th grade. I am 22 years old now, but I feel kinda bad for my self. I should have had a more enjoyable lunch hour. Instead I spent my lunches at the library, pretending to read books. Now this behavior isn't bullying or anything, but I didn't know how to handle that subtle hurtfulness at school.

lol! I am bringing it up now, because it sometimes happens to me in the workplace. I mean, not all the time. I am not like a complete weirdo. I am just a normal, good-looking guy wondering how to react to this type of rude behavior. I remember it bothered me as a youngster and I want to know how to react. LOL! I shower a lot so it wasn't my deoderant. No one has really told me how to respond to this other than pulling out a book and start reading but that sounds kinda geeky. Give me something good, somebody. By the way, I am not on crack. I am normal and smart and there are jerks like this. How do would u guys react is my question?

ShaMayMay, it has turned me into an antisocial person.

WOW Lori S. Your answer was deep and enlightening. Thank you!

Answer 1

They just realized there wasn't much for the two of you to talk about and saw someone else with whom they did have something to talk about, so they moved. It wasn't about YOU, it was about seeing another friend to go sit by when they weren't really sitting by a friend at the time. Or it wasn't because they didn't like YOU, but that they did see someone else they were better friends with.

I never took it personally that I wasn't friends with EVERYONE. Sometimes you just end up sitting by yourself.

Answer 2

OK, I have no intention of insulting you in any way, but there are at least two reasons that I have seen this happen myself. The first one is body odor. Some people simply have a very strong body odor that is offensive, even though they themselves do not notice it. The second is bad breath. A very dear friend of mine has diabetes, and tends to have very bad breath, combined with the unfortunate habit of leaning in close to people when she speaks. Because we were friends, sometimes I would just offer her a mint, saying, "Here Pam, you need this", but never with ridicule, just as a statement of fact.

I don't know you, so I can't say if either of those apply to you, but there are other reasons, too. If you are honest about your own self, I'm sure that you could probably come up with at least one reason, even if it's kind of petty, that some kids could use as an excuse not to sit with you. We all could. When I was in seventh grade, I did not fit in anywhere, even though there wasn't anything that I got picked on for. I wasn't overweight, or considered ugly, or stupid, or any of the usual things. But, the only people I related to were the teachers. I remember sitting alone, as usual, in the cafeteria, and this guy came and sat right across from me. He was pretty popular, so I was nervous, but happy. We made small talk for a few minutes, and then he just got up and left without saying a word. I watched him go over to a table of his friends, and everybody was laughing. And then I watched some guy hand him some money. He had sat with me on a bet. I was so embarassed, I just ran out of there and hid in the bathroom. I just couldn't figure it out.

Years later, I happened to run into that same guy, now middle-aged, and balding, missing teeth, and rather seedy looking. I asked him why I was treated like that. He said that everyone thought I was scary and weird, because I debated the teachers, hung out with adults, and didn't act like the other girls. (I didn't giggle, gossip, or talk about movies, boys and make-up.) So, I was just unfortunate enough to be a little more mature.

Don't sweat it. Believe it or not, the misfits of today are the stars of tomorrow. Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, Einstein, Beethoven, Mozart, Stephen King. Hang in there, because your day will come, and this hurt that you feel now will propel you to greatness.

Answer 3

Think about it like this. The social contract is really way over most people's heads. They are not emotionally / spiritually / or intellectually developed enough to comprehend either its subtleties or its importance. Whatever social contract that humanity and civilizations have ever managed to have were held together truly only by a few individuals, like yourself, who have a clue that it even exists. Most everyone else follows the rules and some kind of overlords and live in superstitious fear of hell in an afterlife if they don't "get along" minimally. They, quite pathetically, if you think about it, do not rise above the most basal concrete necessities of human socialization. The "subtle hurtfulness" that you describe is beyond their character. You must get above feeling hurt by such people. It is good to hold the belief that we are all created equal and that we are all capable of rising to honor and decency and compassion. But, the fact is, MANY people are way behind in the learning curve. Do not let them demoralize you any more than you would let depressed patients, as a counselor, demoralize you. Their failing to be socially sophisticated may make you "lonely" for better company. But, it is a grave and unwise mistake to let people with weak character affect your own Self.

Answer 4

yeah i would deffinitely be embarrassed if that happened to me. That kid was probably just a jerk. Why didn't you sit with your friends...or try to make some friends...or (im not trying to sound mean and stuff sorry if i come off like it) sit with the other kids who don't really have many friends...i think thats what the kid do at my school...(im a high school junior). Anyways, im pretty sure that kid was probably just a jerk because if some random kid sat next to me at lunch i would stay where i was at and talk to him and just make a new friend...and if he was kind of annoying or taking up someone elses spot i would probably direct him to some other kids that would welcome him to their table. Im sorry you spent your lunches this way...why are you asking about this when you are 22 yrs old though... has this been bothering you all this time?

Answer 5

well, you were 12 or 13 years old, give yourself a break. It sucks...no one teaches us how to 'be'.

Talking about the cool kids and the semi cool kids...wow, jr hi and high school was rough - shoot, growing up is a b*#
I think your emotions run very deep, you are hurt easily-or were hurt easily. But by being hurt that time, it made you 'become' someone else...'the one who went to the library'. I became the one who went from table to table to table...Im still like that.

Do you still like (dont know if you did or not) to do lunch alone-are you a quiet person? do you like to spend time by yourself? or are you more social now? just wondering....because Im social all day and when I go home, I just like to be quiet and keep to myself. I like to go out, but...Id rather stay in. Funny...

Answer 6

I have it happen to me in spite of ethnicity (men with newspapers on trains are the worst). that is called snobbery (both that or you scent, yet probable no longer...). i stumble on it demanding,... probable comes from the completed "do not interfere on my personal area body of recommendations" and no that isn't any longer some thing you should get over; you're not to any extent further the single being impolite. that is their situation they should be those to get over it. whats up if you're as a lot as some thing confrontational flow and sit down next to them a 2d time and ask them why they moved away (a lot less confrontational may be to apply a sociology survey excuse). trust me they'll be extra embarassed then you truly.

Answer 7

First of all, you are 22 years old lol!!!

I mean you should be focusing on GOING FORWARD, not regretting things BEHIND you. Im sure we all had our fair share of shyt in school. Not every one was popular or cool and some people didnt give two shyts about that stuff. Its quite possible that you suffered low self esteem for that back then for you to even be talkin about this now. If you keep contemplating on this nonsense you wont get far in life thats for damn sure. Im sure some of them are not contemplating on this nonsense.

Forget those "cool" kids because for all you know some of them might be somewhere smoking crack right about now and for your sake I hope it aint you.

Answer 8

It may not be considered "bullying but it does seems to have caused some lasting effects on your confidence. What they did wasn't cruel just hurtful. You need to get past that hurt...what would I do if it was me? I don't know actually. Not that it never happened to me, cuz it had when I was in HS. I was angry at first, but then learned that it wasn't anything I did just they'd rather be with their friends.

Answer 9

That's pretty rude.
Usually you would excuse yourself and say oh there's so and so I need to talk to him.

It happened to me (fortunately only once) and I laughed it off (and yes others laughed also, making the person that moved more unconfortable then I felt)
All I did was raise my arms and pretend to smell my armpits then shrugged my shoulders like nothing was wrong.