so...my parents don't like my boyfriend. they don't hate him. he's just not who they pictured me with (there has been a clash over lifestyle and religion)
well, he's proposed to me and we plan to get married in '08. but i dont know how to break this to my partents.
any tips on how to tell the parents that this guy they don't really like is going to be a perminant fixture in my life?
2007-02-06 16:40:43 · 18 answers · asked by butchkans 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
okay, all the answers seemed to ask this. i am "of age" so don't worry about that.
i am on the young side but i am in college and out of the house and on my own.
2007-02-06 16:54:02 · update #1
You need to see your relationship as you two. Not as a foursome.
Did your Mother's parents accept everything about your Father.
You need to be respectful, but straight forward with them so they respect your heart and decision.
I have a 19 year old daughter who is with someone I am not too happy about. She brought him to meet us and we respect her for that and I also respect her decision, because each of us is responsible for our own actions.
We as parents should not decide the heart of our children.
We give advice and should respect how our children use it.
There is a book of great knowledge that can always help you.
I hope my suggestion does not offend you.
Please read below:
Matthew 19:3-6
3 And Pharisees came up to him, intent on tempting him and saying: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on every sort of ground?” 4 In reply he said: “Did YOU not read that he who created them from [the] beginning made them male and female 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’? 6 So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart.”
2007-02-06 17:01:01 · answer #1 · answered by chaz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are, but I'm guessing in hs. You don't have to marry to be a committed couple, and your parents are probably right, which just means to will like him more.... kinds are that way, and parents are that way.... But do some things to make sure you have a pretty nice life.... these gems of wisdom from my mom.
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry --- and who you like at 16 isn't the same as who you'll like at 26.
2. Don't have any children out of marriage. And when you marry, wait until your relationship is solid.... babies are demanding, and divisive, not bonding in a marriage... make sure yours can stand the trauma of a third person in your relationship... vomit, s(h)it in the bed, screaming for no reason for days on end will test any couple. Have no more children than you yourself can support alone --- you may have to.
3. Get an education...even if you are still in college and are married, get that education...... marriage is not a lifelong meal ticket. And be sure you qualify for a job that pays well. You will work sometime during your life, maybe for decades --- get paid for it. Let someone else be the ribbon clerks....
4.Have a stash of cash no one knows about, even if you think you will never need it..... you will
(And my message to you is don't get pregnant, absolutely and positively, don't get pregnant very soon, or to trap him... your marriage won't last 5 years.)
Did all of these things. Got to retire at 48!!! got to travel with my great husband all over the world.... and still traveling, helping, volunteering, yadayadadyaday......
Thank you mom---- I love you for caring enough to write this down for me when you and I had this talk.... I will always love you for that.....
2007-02-07 00:57:13 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask them out for dinner (the four of you) and while you are in the restaurant, tell them you have become engaged. Then sit back and watch the fireworks or whatever else might happen. Whatever you do, if they get upset, stay cool and calm and fight back the urge to fight with them. If you have to, tell them you are sorry they feel the way they do and you would hope they would try to make an effort to get to know your fiancee before the wedding and maybe change their opinion. Whatever you do, don't keep it from them. They will perceive that as being childish (which it is) and just give them more ammunition to tell you that you don't know what you are doing.
2007-02-07 03:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by truthseeker221 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be straight forward. The more you act like you engagement is a problem you have to keep secret the worse things will be. I would get together with them for dinner and make the announcement as a couple. Tell them how happy you are. Few parents will denounce your boyfriend once he becomes your fiance- especially if he is there for the announcement. Congrats and good luck!
2007-02-07 00:47:03 · answer #4 · answered by J D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation, where my parents don't like my partner. Though we aren't engaged yet, we are committed to spending the rest of our lives together. I confronted my parents about their behavior, since they had been especially rude and insulting toward him. They decided to be more tolerating toward my boyfriend.
What I'm trying to say is, though your parents may not like your partner, there is nothing they can really do to stop you guys from being together. It's not their place to say that you can't marry him. They will just have to adjust to the idea. I would suggest coming clean with your parents about it, instead of keeping it a secret. With your parents, and your boyfriend too, try to come up with ways for all of you to have a more functional and fulfilling relationship. Though he may have a different lifestyle and religion, he and your parents will learn, over time, to overcome these differences.
2007-02-07 00:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by lunesca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you should do it together, but to make a better impression maybe he should do it the old fashion way and ask your parents for your hand and their blessing, it shows respect for them and their opinion and could win them over. And if they say no, (which I doubt, since parents don't want to alienate their child and future grandchildren) well it's your life and so long as your of age it's your business. It's not like the two of you will be living with them.
2007-02-07 00:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's your life not your parents so it may be ahrd for them to take but they are just going to have to live with it. Parents are all alike they just want the best for there child and happiness if they see you are happy and he can provide a good life for you then they will accept him period. Religion is huge so make sure you don't rock the boat to much remember marriage can end but parents are for life.
2007-02-07 00:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have three sisters and no brothers. My mom hated all of our boyfriends, even the ones that are now our husbands. We just expected her to behave that way. Just tell your mom that you really believe that he can be a good husband to you and youre willing to marry him because you love him so much. Eventually your parents will respect him when they see how well he treats you and how he takes care of you. Thats what it took for my mom to respect my man.
2007-02-07 01:00:02 · answer #8 · answered by Princess Rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An engagement should be nothing you have to "break to them". I'm sure that seeing their daughter happy is what they care about most. No guy is going to ever be good enough for their baby girl. So if you assure them that you are happy, this is what you wanted, and that he treats you well, they will be happy for you. Good luck!
2007-02-07 00:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by blhenne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No guy is ever good enough for their baby girl. Be honest with them tell them you love him and they will have to really get to know him as you have. And that they raised you right and you know what you are doing.You only have a year to plan so start talking to them.
2007-02-07 01:38:12 · answer #10 · answered by DESTINY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋