My bf is a very busy man and travels alot. Hes always very serious and aggressive at work and thats how he is with me, so cold. But when I do get to see the other side of him, I love that. We had good moments together. He did say he's serious abt me. However, he rarely calls and hates it when I 'bother' him whether he is in the office, outside or overseas. When I voice out my concerns he said im being unreasonable, demanding and childish . I dont want to have negative thoughts but I cant read his mind, what he wants and cant get use to this cold treatment. Im a very affectionate person but hes actions make me feel less important at times and this would eventually drive me away. I do love and want to be with him. Maybe its his nature and maybe he has other ways of showing affection which is so hard to tell. How do I break this 'big piece of ice' without giving wrong signals and damage the relationship further.
2007-02-06 16:12:07 · 5 answers · asked by Sheri 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I try to stay postive, but seriously your guy is a creep. I'm sorry but he is. I have come across people like that. They think they can tread on people at work and in other arenas and then suddenly put a new face on and be a nice guy at a family bash or whatever.
What his behaviour does is starve you of those good moments so that when they come you are addicted in wait for the next installment.
What an a s s telling you not to bother him. My dads a busy man and he tells the secretary to make it a priority if I call. Family is family. And then calling you those names when you voice your concerns. Unbelievable, He is just plain thick.
A foundation of a good relationship is communication.
Plus you are affectionate.
If you were my sister, first I would plug him one, and then I would say run, run run.....
However you want advice on how to try and make it work. So here it is. Every person has a way that they can be convinced. No one in my family except my sister knows how to deal with me and she can get anything she wants.
Maybe its by trying new tactics (but if you don't already have that with him its not good).
I have a feeling that being really nice will be interpreted by the neanderthal as weakness and he will tell you to grow up. But maybe you can appeal to his kind side.
Maybe if you show him you are hurting it will appeal to his compassion.
Maybe if you are ruthless and take no s h i t he will get a scare about losing you and come around.
Everyone has a different button or two.
I personally would be ruthless and give him ultimatums. Right now he has the "hand", you need to get it back. Make him quiver at the knees.
Good luck I hope it works out either way, but don't be afraid to leave because that may be the answer
2007-02-06 16:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by Oz Billy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. He doesn't want to involve you in certain aspects of his life (ie work)
2. He is "cold" and doesn't give you the affection that you want or need.
3. He rarely calls.
4. He acts as if you are bothering him when you call.
5. He devalues you concerns and says that you are being unreasonable, childish, etc.
These are al HUGE red flags. It is obvious that there is a big communication problem and that he is emotionally unable to give you what you need. Don't let him make you feel bad for having feelings! If he truly cared he would listen and want to get to the bottom of things. It sounds like he keeps everyone at an icy distance and has been so successful at it that he has made a career out of it. Now you just have to decide if these are things you can live with because it is unlikely that he will change.
2007-02-07 00:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he's just too busy that after he's gone to work, he's tired, i guess ,men love women who treat them well, who takes care of them, they hate naggers, but i think if the man really loves you ,then you dont have to worry, he will make sure he'll give time for you always
2007-02-07 00:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by khatz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men tend to be task oriented (hunter), women tend to be communication oriented (talker).
He does not appreciate your need to talk, and you are not impressed when he uses his problem solving skills to "solve" relationship issues.
Signals? Pah! He probably wouldn't recognise them.
Give him opportunities to SHOW you his love. Non verbal communication.
2007-02-07 00:20:53 · answer #4 · answered by Alan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people are simply the way they are if you can live with him the way he is fine if you cant its time to get out of it.
2007-02-07 00:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Robert C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋