Can someone explain how to keep silent in the face of hateful and hurtful remarks?

Question

and what would make it easier to speak up in these kinds of situations ?

Answer 1

I canna. There is no easy way. One has to know what one believes, and then respond honestly from that place. I suppose it gets easier the more one does it, from at least two perspectives: one, that anything gets easier the more you do it, and second, one develops a perspective that more and more there are ignorant and bigoted people out there who need to know there are caring, socially conscious and conscientious people unwilling to put up with hateful comments.

Answer 2

Is there a particular reason you have to stay and listen to it? I have a hard time listening to hateful things, so I walk away. If it is someone I don't want to be rude to (by walking away) and I know it is useless to confront them (which it usually is), I try and change the subject to something else. Another approach is to ask specific questions that make them think (since most hateful things are the result of stupidity).

Example: "Black men are pigs and do nothing but rob and kill people".
Response: (say it in a thoughtful 'I didn't know that, but it is an interesting idea' kind of way) "Really, my friend Joe is captain of the basketball team and I don't think he has ever held a gun or been mean to anyone. Do you think he is really black?"

I am white and had a good friend who was quite racist against whites. She would say stupid things that started with "Well white people..." I would look at her and ask "Do I really do that?" (asking a sincere question). She would look surprised and say "Of course not." She generally didn't repeat the same stupid racist comment, but she had a lot of them. It takes patience.

Answer 3

Are the remarks directed at you? The need to critcize and ridicule says more about the person doing it than it does about the person hearing it. Try and distance yourself from the words, and concentrate on what the words are saying about that person. It isn't easy to do at first, but try this: When they say something hateful to you, say, "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad to know this about you". Then smile and walk away. You are not accepting what they are saying about you to be true, rather, you have learned something about them that they have revealed to you.

Are the remarks directed against someone else? It's very easy to take the attitude "It's none of my business", when somebody else is suffering, but the person suffering doesn't deserve it any more than you do. A wise person said, "All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing". Courage is what it takes to speak up. So often, when one person is brave enough to speak up, others follow. So, take the opportunity to speak up when there are other people present, if you feel that you cannot do it alone. Or, find someone who will speak up, and stand with them when they do.

Answer 4

Ignore the words, look at the source. Where is it coming from? Such remarks tend to say more about the speaker than anyone else.

You respond by asking questions. "Why do you feel the need to attack me?" "What is really bothering you?" "Where is this coming from?" Eventually you'll find the true reason for the remarks....which usually have nothing to do with you.

....At least that's how I figure out why my wife's biting my head off at 6:30 in the morning over my apparent inability to put my dirty clothes in the right place. A lot of times she's just stressing about that day's demands.

Answer 5

I suppose it would be easier to keep quiet but to muster up the courage to speak up against a hateful & hurtful remark would make you feel so much better afterwards.

Answer 6

I agree totally with kiphyn b. I will add that if you listen, people will tell you exactly who they are. ( They will not per-say give you their life story.) We have telltale signs of who we are. The ones who do not like themselves, they do not like anyone else. the ones who are comfortable with who they are ie..like(love) themselves, they like most other people too. There is a benefit aside from the obvious when you like yourself, other people do too. So, in the TRUE reality of hurtful remarks, would it be easier knowing that the remarks are no more than a reflection(almost like a mirror) of the inner self feelings of the nay-sayer. Same is true also though of us happy people. The sun shines through in the way we speak and act towards others AND ourselves. God Bless.

Answer 7

Word's do hurt our feelings but cannot hurt who we are.
most people make remarks about someone because they themselves are not happy with their life or how their life is going.
I believe we have one mouth and two ears for a reason and that being so we can talk less and listen more.
saying a kind word to people who say hurtful and hateful things will bring more pleasure than you can ever imagine. remember keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Answer 8

What would be the use in even responding to someone who can only speak that way in order to feel superior to others. To respond would only invite more of the same close minded remarks.

Answer 9

Think of yourself covered in velcro and the things people say as being ping pong balls covered in velcro. You need to decide what you let stick and what you dodge. Dodge the crap and keep the good stuff!!! Things people say can only hurt you if you believe them to be true. People are mean and try to bring others down if they themselves have issues. Just know that someone saying something hurtful to you generally means that someone has said it to them or they feel that themselves.

Answer 10

I don't have any trouble speaking up in situations like that, but when I was younger I did, so I handled it by getting up and walking away. That says just as much as words.