Dealing with nosey co-worker?

Question

Yesterday I had to leave the office briefly for a doctors appointment. When I was getting ready to leave, one of my co-workers asked where I was going. (it was lunch time-and I scheduled it over my lunch as to no be off during regular work time). I simply stated I had an appointment. She asked me if I was getting my hair done, I said no, I just have an appointment. And as I was leaving, she made a big fuss in front of another employee that it must be a BIG secret not to tell where I was going. I was so mad that I re-opened the door and told her that if she MUST know, I had a doctors appointment. Then I left. When I returned, she came into my office and asked me what was wrong with me. I told her I'm ok. Then she said, I shouldnt keep secrets from her that she is entitled to know because she cares about me as a friend. I just blew her off and said ok, whatever. Today, at lunch, she proceeded to ask me again about my appointment. I told her I didnt want to talk about it.

She said she did, in which I then advised her it was my personal business and that I didnt want to discuss it. Was I wrong to reply this way ( I was a bit harsh)...How would you have handled this?

Answer 1

Your Co-worker WAS out of line, I"m sorry she was so evasive in your privacy. Even if you just has a visit to the dentist it's none of her business. On the other hand she may have been concerned if she was a friend, but making a scene was Uncalled for. I think it might be time to be more profession and less friendly with her since she has issues with boundaries. You might discuss with her that Your boss is aware of where you are going and and while you've been friends in the past you've realized it best from now on not to mix business with pleasure. But you appreciate her concern but you'll let her know if it will affect her or not. If it gets out of line, have a chat with your boss. These sites might be helpful & fun.

http://www.west2k.com/wpdocs/qarchive.htm

http://www.business-marketing.com/store/article-diffcowkr.html

Best of luck!!

Answer 2

i had a similar problem with a neighbour. i was on my way home from work one day and she had sent me a text message but i didnt reply. she rings me 5 mins later asking where i am. i told her i was on the train. she asked where i was going. i said home. she asked where i had been! i tried to change the subject and talk about something else, but she repeatedly asked me where i had been. i eventually told her i had been at work. then she asked why i was not catching the same train i usually caught, and kept asking really nosey questions. when i asked her why she wanted to know, she says she was just curious. she asked when i thought i would be home, and i told her. 5 mins after that time, she rings me again. where are you? i called your house and you werent there?

at this point i was so angry i exploded. i said, who do you think you are? your not my mother and your not my husband so you have no right to demand info about what i do and when. i then hung up on.

as far as i am concerned, the only people that can ask these sort of questions are your parents and your partner. everyone else should not butt into your business, unless you want to tell them.

Answer 3

You have the right to keep your appointment with the doctors secret. Your co-worker has stepped beyond the limit of caring to being busy body. Tell her that.

Answer 4

If i were you i would simply tell her nicely but be very sincere about what i mean. And let her know that this is a personal issue which does not involve you and i would appreciate it if you would quit asking me if and when i am ready to tell you what is going then i will i do not mean to be rude because i am not trying to come off like that but what i do outside of work is my business.

Answer 5

It's your business. If you had wanted to talk about it you would have. She's just being too nosey, in my opinion. If the same situation came up between even my best friend, I would not have pressed her for more info if she didn't want to give it. I respect other people's privacy, and I expect them to do the same for me. Let her know that you are a very private person, and that you don't wish to share your personal business.

Answer 6

First of all, I would have nicely explained that it embarrassed me when, in front of others, she said something about my appointment being a "big secret". Secondly, I would explain that it's nothing personal, and you appreciate her interest and you're sure she is just being thoughtful....but you are the kind of person who likes to keep your personal life personal, and you'd appreciate it if she wouldn't ask questions like that in the future.

Answer 7

This woman obviously has boundary issues. Explain (in the nicest way possible) that there are some things that you don't wish to share. Ask her "You can respect that, can't you?" and if she proceeds to ask questions, contact a supervisor or your HR. It seems she doesn't have any tact and she is harassing you. You are in a professional atmosphere, and some people don't always get that. Good luck with her.

Answer 8

I would respectfully ask her to respect my privacy. True friends respect each other and have patience with each other. I would remind her that if she wants to be friends that she would need to earn my trust and not have an attitude of entitlement. She has already lost your trust by discussing your private business with other employees.

She is also in violation of HIPAA laws.

Answer 9

She seems like a caring person, a tad bit annoying though. I would try to explain to her that I find it intrusive to keep asking personal questions, but she may get offended because she does seem to care about you.

Answer 10

i would have told her it's none of her f'ing business what i do or where i go on my time off. i have a secret life of my own which you have no part of - jeallous?
when she asks what's wrong i'd tell her, " the doctor told me i work with nosey women who are jeallous of me. any idea who THAT could be? "