I've been seeing someone for 8 months now who I've spent almost everyday w/. I have a 6yo who he knew about from day 1. He doesn't have any children so its a new situation for him. Everything has been fine (so I thought). He just now tells me he's not ready for the whole family thing & he doesn't think it would be fair to keep coming around knowing he's not ready for it. In the same breath he's also telling me that he doesn't want to stop talking to me (but he has) & that Im his ideal woman, who he could see himself w/..."forever". How does this make sense? I understand-but I don't.
2007-02-06 13:54:16 · 30 answers · asked by Kelly929 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to let everyone know I am 28 & he is 29. He's not a child, but I do still understand how he may not be ready. Oh & yes my child definately comes FIRST.
2007-02-06 14:23:36 · update #1
**Okay-sorry I'm only editing this for "Random Friend" since I can't respond any other way: I appreciate your "honesty" but please don't think because Ive had a child that I'm some fat chick that no one could possibly want. I'm not. I do workout, I'm 5'7 and 130 pounds. I'm attractive. I can understand a man w/no children not wanting to date a woman who does have children but if a man w/out does date a woman w/it definatetly does not make him a "loser". I'm sorry you feel that way. And my child is not a mistake. Things may not have turned out like I wanted them to, but never a mistake. Thank you for the comment though.**
2007-02-06 14:41:04 · update #2
basically he is trying to tell you that if you didn't have a child, that you would be his perfect match.. bottom line, you do have a child, and sadly, he can't seem to accept it.. he probably shouldn't have dated you in the first place if he never wanted to date a woman with a child.. they again, could be he didn't really know how he felt until he actually gave it a try.. anyway, i'm 33 and never had a serious relationship, so the idea of dating a woman with a child seems very scary, but as i age, i find myself attracted to women who are at that stage in life where they are getting divorced and have kids.. bottom line, there are many guys out there that will be comfortable with this.. sadly, not this guy.
anyway, keep your head high and keep being the greatest mom in the world! and another man will eventually come into your life when you least expect it! all the best, and good luck..
2007-02-06 14:01:37 · answer #1 · answered by Jeff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scared of settling down and welcoming a new life with not only a wonderful girlfriend, but an 8 month old. If he changed his mind about being with you because of your child, then you don't deserve that. He doesn't deserve you or your child. Women with children always have this problem because guys don't want to take on another responsibility. Women are enough! No offense to the ones of us that are decent. Word of advice, if he can't respect the fact that you have a child, why waste time with him? Your child comes first and he knows that. Most men want the world to revolve around them and have all of your devoted attention. He can't have that with a child. He probably has someone else who he is talking to. In your case, a man that gets into a relationship with you needs to understand that you're not alone. It means respecting your child as you as well. He knew you had a child but look what he did. He's not worth it. Look to the better side of things. Your child. Good luck!
2007-02-06 14:04:34 · answer #2 · answered by ~M*a*N*d*Y~ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh...I see what he means. He's a jerk! He wants to have his cake and eat it too!
He wants to date you and have all the benefits of it, without having to see your son or act like a parent at all. He doesn't want to get married. The family man thing shouldn't be an issue since he knew about it from day one!
This is my advice: If you're ever in a relationship where the next step (marriage, moving in together, becoming exclusive, whatever) is either impossible or undesirable, get out right then and there. The relationship isn't going to go anywhere anyway, so you're just wasting time.
There are lots and lots of men out there that would be not only willing, but happy to be with you and be a father for your son. Just get back on the horse and keep looking for one.
2007-02-06 14:05:31 · answer #3 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you know the answer, he really likes you, but knows he is not ready for a family,(at least he has the guts to kind of admit it). You have a child, for right now, all other relationships come 2nd,(not all ways fun being a mom) He wants a relationship where he comes first, and it just can't be that way with you. It does make since, you may be good together, but you are at different stages in your life, I give him credit for at least being honest, and I'm sorry you got hurt, but it's better to end it before your child got attached to him too.
2007-02-06 14:04:54 · answer #4 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, the interest of your child should come first. If this guy is blowing you off because he's "not ready" to deal with you having a kid then he's not worth the trouble. It seems like he's talking all this game to you about you, but doesn't want to adjust to the fact that you have a kid. And like you've said, it's been 8 months which is more than enough to time for him to know whether or not he's willing to give it a shot.
I know it sounds harsh, but I say let him go. If he really wants to be with you AND your kid then he'll grow up and come to you when he's ready. I have friends who are single mothers/fathers and the first thing they let whomever they're dating know is that they come as a package deal. Be firm on this whenever you meet someone and it'll cut back on having to deal with the guys that want to bail when they get past the "awww your kid is cute" stage.
2007-02-06 14:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by sweetie_tdp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine there is extra to this, extra Cashman stuff certain his trouble-free is low yet he has as many HR's as Arod and his hits are well timed and sport replacing. His is a crew participant and and tremendous catcher. i imagine some thing got here about interior the place of work even as Girardi had a gathering with him. He would not care even as he bats see you later as he bats. he's been taking section in a lengthy time period he isn't any prima donna no human being is extremely hitting on the Yanks so i imagine there is an undercurrent coming from the front place of work Batting trouble-free isn't some thing even as the hits are sport replacing he's a change hitter and 0 for twenty-four hitting from one side that is dropping his trouble-free. He hs lately received many video games for this crew and my wager is a few thing we do not learn about yet got here about. we received't seem to the media, they lie, so we ought to piece together the snippets we hear. i wish it blows over and they win tomorrow.with Jorge
2016-11-25 21:26:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is much easier to tell you what I think you should do when I can see things so clearly from an uninvolved stand point. Your highest obligation is to your child. Nothing but your child's best interests are worth thinking about. The boyfriend has already stated he is not ready for the family thing. Accept, cut it off, and be grateful that you know now and not at the expense of your child's delicate development. At this point it is not HIS decision to leave, it is YOURS to let it go. You don't need to understand it. It won't help a thing.
2007-02-06 14:14:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think he may be just scared right now. I wouldn't let my imagination run off. He's right. It's not fair for him to keep coming around when he doesn't know how he feels about the situation. It's really not fair to your baby. You know, kids do become attached. Give the guy some time. It's better he does this now instead of when you're married. With that said, you should be focused on your baby more than a man right now.
2007-02-06 14:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by mojojo66 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I want to tell you this honestly... you might dislike my answer but its ok ... Guys dont want to take care of your mistakes... he may have liked you from the beginning and he only liked your kid to get to you. but now your not worth his wild. Hes tryin to tell you nicely that he doesnt want to be with you. I know you might love your child but no other real man is going to really like to take care of your child. The only kind of guy that would want to be with you is one that has his own child... or an older man... or a loser who cant do any better. A successful man would be able to find a young attractive woman and not a woman with luggage... My advice to you is to find a man with his own children. Also workout alot, to make yourself slim and fit. This is your best chance!
- Student of Tom Leykis ;)
2007-02-06 14:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by Random Friend 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the guy is scared to take on a responsibility of having a family and he said that you're his ideal women to make you feel better. You might want to give the guy some space and if he doesn't make the effort to see you and that you come with a (beautiful :) ) child," then that's his loss.
2007-02-06 14:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋