What would you do if your sister- in -law?

Question

OK, about a month or so ago, I told my mother-in-law how I felt about her favoring my husbands children over mine. His mother brought it up to my husband and he told her that he felt the same way. She later apologized. My problem is that now my husbands sister oviously is angry at me. We had my daughters birthday party this last weekend. My mother-in-law was ok, kind of distant. But, my sister-in-law would not talk to me. She just turned her head when I spoke to her in my own house. I find this VERY rude. Well, our daughter (both of ours) birthday is the first of March. I told my husband I did not want to have a birthday party because I did not want his sister to come to my house again and be so rude. HE said that our baby is turning 2 and he wants to have a party. So, now what? What should I do? Should my husband talk to his sister? Talk to his mother? I even thought about having a party and just not inviting his sister. She would know about it, because his mother would tell her.

His mother would also get angry if we would not invite his sister, and would probably cause some trouble in the family. This last time is the first time my husband had stood up to his mother, so this is tuff.

Answer 1

Boy, this sounds familiar. Married 17 years and I have two teenage boys. I had the same problem with my in-laws, especially both of my sister in-laws. I still have a little problem with one of them. Have the birthday party. Don't deny your child her party. Phone your sister in-law and invite her to the party. Now, if during the time in your house she tries to ignore you, just say something like,"Here in my house is maturity and we talk to eachother because it is my daughter's party. You dear sister, you want to display immaturity, do it on your own time, it would be greatly appreciated." In other words embarrass her. I have done this more so to one of my sister in-laws. Of course she then went or phoned her brother to complain and when my husband told me what happened I just told him, that I had no choice because he didn't bother to say anything so I took care of it myself. Just make sure you don't get into an argument with your husband about it. We had alot of arguments when our boys were younger because he didn't or was too scared to take care of things himself. Even to this day even my mother in-law isn't to keen about me. But, you know what, I don't give a hoot. My house, my kids and my husband. Talk things over with your husband before the party to work it out together. It's his family he should set his side straight! Remember, do not get angry and scream at her. Just calmly and maturely state your case. Be short and sweet and smart. After all you don't want to be the one to cause a scene at your own daughter's party.

Answer 2

When you have children.......his, hers, ours.....it is always hard.
In an ideal world your mother in law would treat all of the children the same, but I can guarantee you that you are not alone. I have seen this happen in my own family and have heard about it countless times. Now what to do about it??? Be the bigger person here. Your little girl is getting ready to turn two. That's a great accomplishment for you and your husband and a reason for a celebration. Go ahead and plan your party.....invite everyone you want to and include your sister in law as well. Don't let her know she gets to you and makes you upset. Just be as nice to her as you can be. Make her feel bad. Maybe even get some digs in by having your sister in law hold your two year old on her birthday so that you can take pictures of your birthday girl and her aunt. I know it might sound like it would be hard to do but if you do this and just put on your smiley face, you will avoid all kinds of problems in the future and deep down you'll know that you're the bigger person.

Answer 3

Don't be hard on yourself for talking to your mother-in-law and don't be hard on your in-laws for their response to you.

As much guts as it took for you to say what you had to, they're having a difficult time adjusting to their new demands. It's hard to be told the truth. They'll be uncomfortable with themselves as well as with you for a while.

That means, that while they're adjusting and doing all of this stuff that makes you mad, don't punish them by excluding them from family events. They should be invited and they should decide for themselves if they want to be go to the party. You should never deny your husbands family which is YOUR family too to take part in family events like birthday parties.

Don't make a mountain out of mole hill when all that is needed is time to have everyone simmer down. It would be important for the children to have their family around them for their parties. Don't think about yourself at this point, it's important for the kids.

Don't make any more problems. Let the pot simmer, in a couple of weeks everyone will have time to cool off and think more clearly...then you should talk to the sister and your mother-in-law again if there was something that you said that bothered them.

But have this party, don't deny your kids or your husband the fun of that.

Answer 4

I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree with you but if your husband wants to have the party, then have it. Just put your grudge aside just for your child's party, don't set a bad example for the kids. The reason I say this is because it could get worse if you choose to escalate it further with your sister-in-law or the mother-in-law. Just talk to your husband about this and explain this plan and if anything causes a problem, you're not to blame because his mother seems to understand why should his sister have a problem in something that doesn't concern her and if you want you can tell your mother-in-law the same thing.

Answer 5

Sounds like you are guessing that they are mad about this \ how about you just ask? Is there a problem? Then, I suggest you do whatever is best for your little girl. She should have a party. It's up to you to make sure she is safe and happy and if people are treating you or her badly, thats not safe. I have maintained that my inlaws have a right to be grandparents even though they don't like me. I do my part to give them some time with the gkids and try to respect them by inviting them.....but I also make it clear that if they would like to see the kids more they can any time.....they never do. People show us who they are all the time....we just dont believe it. A few years back they took the other grandkids to the show, while my kids were there visiting and didn't offer to take my kids with them ( i would have paid for their tickets)...when I asked they said they were not family (they have the same last name)....that was the last time I extended any special invitations to them...they know when the birthdays are and when its christmas and easter.....and they never bother....i think my kids are just better off....

Answer 6

I think you should go to your sister in law's house & talk to her face to face. Be up front & honest about how you feel, but don't get into an argument. You should go there hoping to clear things up & discuss what you did to make her act so rude towards you? You should still invite her to the party. There's nothing more worse then "not including" other family members because of something that may just be a misunderstanding. You don't know that though, that's why it's best you talk to her yourself & in person.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

I'm glad to hear your husband stood up to his mother for you but family , strife always finds it's way in an feelings always get hurt somewhere down the line, sounds like you've done what you can for now, it's more important that your children are protected from feeling less loved or unwanted than your adult sister in law to be blue at you, when she was rude to you in your own house ,so what if she doesn't talk to you,that much less stress if she never opens her mouth again,.let spoiled little babies , cry themselves a river.have your party with or with out them, but tell them they can only come if they behave , it's a shame but some adults insist on acting like children so you got to treat them as such.

Answer 8

I think that if you don't have a bday party your husband will be upset and you personally will regret it down the road. If you don't invite your sister-in-law, then you will 'prove' to her that whatever she is thinking is correct. You don't want to add fuel to the fire. I'm glad that your mother-in-law apologized, so she at least tried to make things right, but she obviously said some bad things about you to the sister-in-law. You need to be very very kind and friendly to both of them. I think that since your mother-in-law seems to have tried to mend fences, and since your sister-in-law did come to your house even though she was mad at you, probably this will blow over if nothing happens to fan the flames.

Answer 9

Have the party, your daughter will only be 2 once. Invite her and be nice. If she is still rude, then ignore her and let it go. There is no need in both of you acting immature. You should be the better person.

Answer 10

Hi dont you just hate it when other people have to get into the disagreement ,it happens alot in my family i am always the bad one ,i would get your husband to have a word with her if it dont change her attitude i would not invite her ,tough but so what ?its your babys birthday why have her spoil it for you all and if the old bag dont like it tough ,i am sorry but if someone ignored me in MY house then i would tell them to leave nicely ,but get your husband to have a word first you dont have to be nasty that dont get you nowhere just be firm they think they can push you around dont let them good luck xxxxx