We have two kids and at the moment I'm not working formally (because I honestly wouldn't earn enough to justify the childcare). However, I've found that since I'm at home, everyone else assumes that I'm available to take care of their kids. In an emergency situation, I'd be happy to help out but this is just the regular ' Oh Miriam can go and pick them up/take care of them when they're sick/take them to their ball games' kind of scenario. Quite frankly I'm tired of it and am starting to refuse unless I'm convinced it's an emergency, one-off situation. I do like kids but it's just getting ridiculous. I've been surprised by the rude reactions my refusals are getting. Have you faced this situation and how do you handle it diplomatically?
2007-02-06 13:08:35 · 13 answers · asked by Miriam R 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You have every right to refuse. You can't let people walk all over you. This is probably why I try to be aloof when around other parents, (except for a few I am comfortable with). I don't want anyone to mistake me for a work-horse or a personal taxi service.
Just because you are home doesn't mean you have nothing to do. If others have a problem with that, then it's there problem and they have no right to make it yours.
2007-02-06 13:20:26 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer V 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't handle it diplomatically. If someone gets offended, then that someone is not a friend of yours, they just use you (how seventh grade does that sound? LOL!)
I'm a sahm and I definitely get phone calls. i know if that if school is canceled due to a holiday or weather or some such, then i'll get phone calls. I just don't answer the phone. We have an answering machine, and I can call the people I want to talk to back. After a while, they stop calling.
If you are physically in their presence and they say "OH Miriam can go get them" I would be quick to say that you are not available because your child has (Drs appt, field trip, special time with mom, etc)
Now, if you like sometimes to have someone else pick up YOUR kids, then ask those people to set up a system. If they miss their turn more than twice, then don't do it anymore. you can honestly say that you were being taken advantage of. it is nice sometimes to have someone else pick up the kids!
2007-02-07 06:22:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its OK to say No, you have your own responsibilities to focus on and staying at home with your own kids is not easy let alone looking after other peoples children. Try saying "I would love to help you out, but unfortunately I cannot today" you don't need to have a reason your polite No should be enough after you say no a few times they should get the message. Your children should come first and im sure you have your work cut out for you already. Yes I have has situations where i have felt obliged to do something I don't really want to or have time to do I just say "thanks for asking but No" or "I'd love to but I cannot today, sorry" If they react negatively they will get over it and if it becomes a problem stand your ground. You have the right to control your day and judge for yourself what you can or cannot handle.
2007-02-06 14:35:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did it in the past, then of course there put out when you say no... Once you continue to say No, they will get used to it and find someone else to use... There is nothing more rude than a person being put out, by you saying No... It's your right, and just keep telling yourself that... You may also tell them if they would like to make it a regular thing, that it will cost 25 dollars a day, the same as a home day care..
2007-02-06 13:20:24 · answer #4 · answered by Tina 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand. I am a stay at home Mom too, and I get this from my friend. She'll call me last minute and ask if I can watch her son, or if I plan to watch him, she'll call at the last minute and say she doesn't need me. (after I stayed home with my kids so we could be there for her own) Many working Moms are under the impression stay at home Moms just sit on their butts all day and put their kids in front of the television set all day. We don't have anything better to do with our time. We stay home for OUR kids, not our friends. Honestly, I would start to charge your friends for the "emergency" babysitting jobs you do. Charge $8/hour. See how many call you.
2007-02-06 13:43:29 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes i have, it is an aweful place to be, but remember they have put you there, and if they cannot except no, thats too bad for them, imagine if the situation was reversed i know i would never ask a stay at home mom for the favors they have asked me for, i would never put someone in that uncomfortable situation, unless like you say it's an emergency, but the problem is if you do just one thing it snowballs, you have to nip it or it's a monster
2007-02-06 15:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by melissa s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i totally understand. i have had the same thing happen. i just stopped answering the phone for a while. it hurt me that i was so EXPECTED to just do it
then i just started telling everyone that i could not take care of their sick kids because that wasnt fair to my family. i can get my little ones sick on purpose. and if they can sign the kids up for a sport or whatever. they then know what is then expected. so the PARENTS need to be taking them to the games/ events. i had to get tough. it was hard. and when it came down to it i had to do what was best for my kids. they need my attention and time. if i am always running around i cant give them what they need. i jst had to choose between other peoples kids and mine. mine win every time.
just stand your ground and remember it is what is best for you and your family.
2007-02-06 15:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by EMMAS' CUTE_NESS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
their behavior is inexcusable. Tell them that you are not available to them as a free day care center. If they want you to do favors like this, you should at least have them offer you a swap or exchange like they will have to sit for your kids on an agreed-upon time to make up for this inconvenience to you.
2007-02-06 13:38:00 · answer #8 · answered by kristin c 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you are not there at their disposal. It is not your responsibility to take care of other people's children. Helping out is great, but they are using you to their advantage and I just would not let them. Let them get rude. It is inconsiderate of them. Good luck.
2007-02-06 15:02:57 · answer #9 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
say ur busy taking care of MY kids
and taking care of MY house
and cooking and cleaning and have no time for it all
tell em to take care of their own kids
tell em to pay u
$5 for just to watch em
$8 if they r sick
2007-02-06 14:03:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋