Adopting my cousins baby?

Question

I just found out that my cousin had an affair and got the girl pregnant.
His wife and him are trying to work things out together. The girl has called my cousin and told him he could have full custody if he wanted it , but if he didn't she was going to adopt the baby out. She has already given up two other children. My cousin's wife has decided that she can't handle the baby.

I have been asked if I would consider adopting the baby myself. I live in Alabama and everyone else involved lives in Texas. I am still in the thinking stage with all of this, but wanted to get some opinions. Also, I wanted to see if anyone knew where I would have to start, if I adopt in Alabama or Texas. And anything else I might need to consider.
Thanks

I am mature enough in my opinion. I am 29 and for the past 9 years have been helping to raise my 2 step-children. I am considering financial issues, but I am not letting that rule my decision.

Answer 1

I would first consider if you are mature enough and/or at a point in your life to devote yourself to a baby. Babies are a lot of responsibility and are very expensive. Seriously think about it.

Answer 2

Charlie, since you're asking, I would first ask if you were considering adoption before this was presented. I just want to make sure you don't feel the need to be the hero or the one to pick up the pieces, as it were. That would make this quite difficult for all involved down the road. Also making it difficult down the road, the amount of palpable awkwardness this will create for the child's self esteem and the family. I know you realize the overall dynamic of the situation here (the betrayed wife, the shamed husband, the child that will know the exact circumstances of his/her birth and that his father could not raise him because his wife is reminded of the circumstances of his/her conception) but I will say this: My husband and I have considered adoption for over 5 years. Friends have known this. A young couple, members of our church with many family members from both sides at the church, became pregnant. It was mentioned that we should adopt the child. We decided against it for the reason that ours would not be the best home for this particular child. We are close with the family and the church. The child would grow up under a judged eye "That's the baby that so and so had and"... XYZ. The child would grow up with a community of people telling us how to raise him/her because they feel a biological 'right' to give input. I personally felt that would interfere with healthy child rearing, identity conflicts and confusion. I could be wrong on every single level. I just want the best possible fit for both baby and parents. With issues of adoption that may surround the child as s/he grows up, I didn't want to add to it the 'stink eye' from people that saw him/her as a reminder of shame. But, follow your own heart and what you know is right for your situation and your life. Each one is completely different. Good luck with everything - we wish you all well and are glad to know your cousins are working things out!

Answer 3

I commend you for your open heart. You will have to hire an adoption attorney "in Texas". Begin by calling or searching on the internet. There are also adoption support groups where you can gather some information.

Keep in mind that unless your cousins wife comes to terms with your plan, it may negatively effect that baby at family reunions, holidays, gatherings, where you all are together. Hopefully not, as the child does not deserve to suffer from your cousins lack of respect for his wife, and poor decision. The child will also one day question "the placement" and you will have to be prepared for this as well. I would highly advise that you begin doing some research, as you are going to be taking on a huge responsibility (not only raising a child, but your cousins crap as well)....In any case, again, I think it is a great thing you are doing in giving the baby a chance at a better life, and also, keeping the baby "in it's birth family". I wish you luck!

Answer 4

It would be be in the best interest of the child t be adopted by someone who could love it unconditionally. Children of adoption need extra love and time even when adopted as babies because society looks at them not as the blessings they are but as cast offs it is cruel I know but it is true. The benefit of you adopting is the child would have 1/2 of it's parentage line caring for it the hurdle is the child would also remind the family of the affair. If you and your partner are willing to take on all the challenges - go for it! As to the whole cross state thing check with an attorney who specializes in interstate adoption to assure the smoothest transfer and be sure of the cooling off period too - if she signs a paper that relinquishes her parental rights in some states she has up to a year to change her mind. Get and attorney and maybe consult a family therapist too. My heart goes out to you for considering such a kind and generous gift to this child. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Of course it is up to you. I know you are just doing what you think is right but I've known of family adoption not working before. Because the kid will eventually know who the father is. And this can destroy your cousins relationship with his wife, because she doesn't want the kid in her life. I don't think its that she can't handle it. The kid will still be a big part of there lives whether they want it or not, if the kid stays in the family . But know I don't know your family maybe it can work. But it's your decision, and I wish you the best on this.

Answer 6

Yes, you should adopt the baby. You shouldn't let the baby get adopted by nobody else. If you feel that you want to adopt this child then you do what's best. At least the baby would be in a family she knows.

Answer 7

First off i just want to say that i think u r a wonderful person to even consider this. just the fact that u r thinking about it shows that u r VERY mature. personally i think that if u r willing to do it then u should start looking into it now. get a lawyer. that is first and foremost. they can then direct u into the direction u will need to take to get the ball rolling. congrats on doing such a wonderful thing. reading ur story makes me believe that there r still genuinely good people on this earth.

Answer 8

The main thing this child will need is love, if you can give it love(which im sure you can) there shouldnt be much holding you back. Just picture yourself giving so much love to alittle baby that will always give it back to you. even if its not your biological child when you look into their eyes you will feel a deep connection like never before.

Answer 9

i would only adopt if you want the responsiblity of a child..you need to consider in your financial situation..because a child takes alot of money.it would be easier to have her sign the baby to you instead of going threw the courts and good luck if you do get the child

Answer 10

i've got completed precisely the comparable ingredient, different than for it became into my companions nephew. Social amenities continually attempt to place toddlers in the kin to toughen their identification. Adoption is hard interior of kin and your community authority will in all probability prefer to bypass down the particular Guardianship Order highway, this makes you the youngster's parental guardian, this eliminates ninety 9% parental rights from bio mom and you may undertake as quickly as the youngster has lived with you for 3 years, it relatively is for Social amenities peace of innovations as some families think of that they might nonetheless enable the youngster see bio mom and this obtrusive contradicts maximum care orders and places the youngster in threat. simply by fact the youngster might have been uncovered to drugs in the womb you will maximum in all probability could deal not on time progression, behavioural issues, sight and listening to loss, hip displacement, innovations harm and so on.. Our son is two and nonetheless won't be able to stroll and has worn glasses from the age of 6months. we are fortunate some toddlers tormented via drug use will by no potential walk, will by no potential see, will by no potential communicate, will beer hear. That why social amenities will verify you to interior of an inch of your life a your no longer adopting a classic healthful kit deal of exhilaration. you would be taking good care of a baby that would cry for all time, bounce on the slightest noise (mine does), won't carry close specific products simply by texture and so on.. it relatively is puzzling and gruelling, that's no longer a walk in the park or something you may undertake gently. i don't be attentive to how some distance you're down the line of turning right into a foster carer yet social amenities won't place baby with you in basic terms on account which you're kin you will could be assessed lower back besides, simply by kin link. additionally undecided in case you have approached social amenities on the grounds this is rather significant to offer baby care. this might dissatisfied you yet whilst the persons who're looking after the unborn youngster's siblings prefer to handle that youngster too, social amenities will in all probability place there. stable success, i be attentive to precisely the form you experience. in case you choose from now on suggestion i'm chuffed that can assist you and we are able to replace emails.