Why does she do this?

Question

My mom always has to make comments to me when we're alone about hubby probably cheating...and our child being biracial,saying to me not to show up to hubby's job with him.To her,EVERYTHING from soup to nuts in our relationship links back to him being white and me being black!She knows NOTHING about biracial relationships and makes comments based on sensationalized movies she's seen.We're not in the 60's!I feel like most of the time she's jealous and makes rude comments to harrass me! Why does she do this?How can it be handled other than staying away from her and keeping our children away??

She also tries to coax my hubby into makiing racial statements..and then runs back to family and tells them he said it on his own..IE:trying to convince him it's o.k. to all me and my family "*****" because he's apart of the family.He was smart enough to dodge that bullet!She would've had a field day telling family he called us all n* ggers! Makes jokes about him being white,about our skin tones being different.His family does not treat me this way..the members that ARE bigots never make comments to our face(which is how it's suppoed to go).I'm sure if they did,it would be a WHOLE other story! Whenever I've tried to talk to her she blows me off.

Answer 1

tell her how her comments make you feel !

she is your mother; she should love you no matter what.

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Answer 2

Unfortunately, this is the attitude that your mother grew up with, feeling that interracial relationships are not acceptable, and it is unlikely that this will ever change. Interracial marriages only became legal in the United States in 1967, so when your mother was born, any type of mixed-race relationship, especially between blacks and whites, was looked upon with contempt. This is the gap between her generation and yours, since between her childhood and yours there has been a great change of societal opinion of interracial relationships.

Your mother may be really strong on black pride and feel that you've turned your back on the black community by marrying a white person. She tells you he's cheating on you to make you feel guilty for marrying outside of your race. She also might think that he really is cheating on you because he's white and thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. But she's not right about any of this and you need to tell her that.

Tell her that she cannot assume that he would cheat on you just because he's white, because racial generalizations are often false for many people, and you know your husband better than she does and he isn't that kind of character. And marrying a white person doesn't mean you've forgotten your black identity or that you no longer care about black people in general. You need to inform her that when you decided to marry your husband, you chose him based on his intelligence, kindness and respect towards you, his strong personality and character, not his race.

Answer 3

First off, you should confront your mother. Let her know how those comments of her's make you feel. I would also tell her that no matter what color your child is, he/she is still her grandchild, that if she cannot accept that fact or the fact that your husband is white, then maybe you should not be around her. It is important to a child to have a relationship with their grandparents, but you don't want your child being around someone who does not accept him/her for who they are. Your mother, if she truely loved you, should accept the decisions you have made in your life. If she doesn't, she should keep these comments to herself. I am sure she is aware of how they are affecting you. Maybe this is her way of trying to get you to end the marriage. Are you the only child? Maybe she still wants you to herself.

Answer 4

Do not allow her to talk about your husband! Whenever she says anything derogatory about you, your husband or children tell her you will not listen to her talk ugly and walk out of the room. If she continues then you need to leave or ask her to leave. It's going to be hard, but you teach people how to treat you. If you continue to walk away she'll get the message that you won't tolerate her talking bad about you or your family. This is your mother so it's your job to handle it. If she tries to get your husband to say something offensive then immediately tell her that conversation is over and change the subject. If you don't protect your family, who will? Be strong. Good Luck!

Answer 5

you say: mom you know i love you and your grandkids love you and accept you even though youre a white biggot? so ease up on the racists remarks in front of me and my family or we'll exclude you from our life. k? thanks, ma, i appreciate your maturity and open mind and heart. peace

Answer 6

your mom sounds like she has some serious race issues