I am a really nice but also really shy person i am described as cute looking or pretty i am in good shape and have a decent body 5 ft 6 110 pounds.But i attract possesive, controling,often have a macho personality and manupulative type of guys and i dont understand why?I always try to see the best in people not mean to people and am friendly so whats wrong with me?Is it possible i am too nice?
2007-02-06 11:02:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No i dont like these types of guys but nice guys never ask me out?why?I am only a college student?
2007-02-06 11:03:30 · update #1
YES! It is absolutely possible to be too nice. On a purely psychological level, you are sending out signals (that you are unconcious of) that attract the opposite of what you want. Controlling and possisive personalities often pick up on people with your type of personality. You have to start to fight for what you want, like the nice guys. I am in no way suggesting to change who you are or be a meaner person, but being more assertive will not hurt you.
hope that helped.
2007-02-06 11:08:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely there is such a thing. The reason i know, is because i claimed to be the same and started asking my guy friends. They confirmed that this actually did exist.
They said that women need to be nice but not push overs.
I asked how to know the difference. They said, dont always give in to your man. Buck on him occasionally and let him know that you arent gonna just eat anything he shoves at ya.
I still havent mastered it, apparently it takes time.
But, I feel like i should be able to be giving and caring and loving and my significant other be thankful that he has such a kind woman. This isnt the truth. Men are of a different species i think.
So, i guess we may never know the exact way to behave with most men, the only thing really we can do in order to be who we honestly are, is to hope and pray that we eventually find a man who will appreciate us for who we are.
Best of luck.....i hear they are few and far between but dont lose faith.
2007-02-06 11:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's possible to be "too nice" if it shows up as unassertiveness or trying too hard to please or not being truthful about what you think or want. Try to be less pliable and accommodating; you won't be such a magnet for macho jerks.
On the other hand, I've seen this question often in advice columns and it usually comes from guys, who complain that women don't like nice guys like them. Often, though, they sound whine-y and self-centered -- the problem isn't that they're too nice, it's that they're too self-involved. If that seems to fit even a little (hard as it may be to face), then maybe you need to stop focusing so much on "what's wrong with me?" and start focusing outward on other people and the world around you. Nice guys will find you more readily if you aren't so worried they won't.
2007-02-06 11:20:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes. You are too nice. Be commanding of what you are seeking in a guy, but don't be intimidating. Know what you are looking for and immediately dump the guy when you find that he doesn't have it. Don't let him hang around if he's a jerk. Get rid of him quick. As a guy I can tell you....the more you let us hang around, the more we think you are into whatever it is we are doing at the time.
Also, if you are pretty, it is possible nice guys are intimidated by you. YOU should initiate the first move. Chivalry is over-rated anyway, and it would totally boost the guys confidence if you asked him out.
2007-02-06 11:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there darlin'!
Most men like to take an "Alpha" position in the relationship. The trick is to seek out guys that are willing to share their Alphaness with you.
Example: my husband always drives the car and i'm always the passenger which i am happy to concede to him. But than he tried to automatically "take over" driving my shopping cart! I put my foot down and made it clear it was my turn to drive. He gets the car and the shopping cart is mine and we're both happy now!
To answer your question... yes you're too nice! You're letting them get away with being pricks.
My suggestion is to stop focusing on finding the best in people. Instead reverse it. If you figure out the worst of people than you can decide whether or not you're willing to live with it before you get too far into the relationship.
If you can live with the "bad" bits than the good just gets better.
2007-02-06 11:15:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's a difference between too nice, and being passive. I have a friend who has the same exact problem as you. She' pretty and sweet, and guys just cant resist her. But she's so passive, and always takes the blame for the guys controlling-ness and mistakes, etc. So, what you need to do, to avoid these guys is to try not to be shy. Talk up the nice guys, and then you'll eventually know enough good nice guys. :) Hope I helped.
2007-02-06 11:13:52 · answer #6 · answered by ranchgirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no such thing as being too nice. Alot of the time you end up attracting the same kind of guys as it has something to do with the way in which you percieve yourself.
2007-02-06 11:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by jimmychick78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you don't seem like your too nice, that is a good quality to have. these guys that you have described may see that as a sign of weakness, and think that they can control you. maybe you should try to find a guy that is nice to you all the time, not just when they feel like it. you should be equal in a relationship, not controlled. hope this helped
2007-02-06 11:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by italiana 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes.
A lot of people attract controlling people when they are too nice because they feel as if they can over rule you and "mold" you into what they want. Just be careful and work on your assertiveness skills. Be confident and you should be able to attract some better people in your life.
2007-02-06 11:03:49 · answer #9 · answered by Trish J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if your a bombshell then you the guys your looking for are probably to shy to ask ya out orr they dont think they can get you becasue you keep going out with macho guys ahah. it takes a while to find a nice guy but keep looking..and no only when your at football games lol..ohh and if you want somehting in the middle soccer players are the way to go..there not posessive or cocky or macho but they are in shape n all the soccer players i know are nice guys. hope this helped a bit
2007-02-06 11:08:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋