less spankings and groundings = more disobedience?

Question

growing the more i am noticing kids are being disrespectful and less willing to co-operate with others...to me it seems the punishments such as "spanking" and legit "groundings" are dissappearing. i do not have kid, but i am 20 and i notice that others kids around my age and younger are back talking parents, eye rolling, and other things of that nature...and yet parents do nothing to let them know they will not tolerate it. i have had my moments with being "bad", but i am also respectful to my parents and will not back talk them. i do not think "time outs" or "go to you rooms" work, because kids have all their stuff in their rooms. many parents don't want to see their kids cry, so they will let them get what they want, no questions asked. many kids do not take the time to understand things such as respect or hard work...does anyone else think that kids need to be put in their place?

spoil the rod...spoil the child

also consider that many "old timers" were spanked as kids show alot more respect than kids now...

Answer 1

Couldn't have said it better myself. Yes I grew up with spankings too, I never really put to much thought weather they were it was the right or wrong way to bring up children. At about the same age as you, when I was attending college, I too noticed a large amount of legal adults acting like children. In one of my health classes they asked for a show of hands of who was spanked as children. I kid you not, all, I mean ALL of the druggie, punk, immature people in the class kept their hands down. In that room I was a rare breed, but thankfully my parents had the mind to teach me respect. As a young child, you need tools such as spanking to teach respect. I called my parents later that day and thanked them for not being afraid of doing the tough stuff, when bringing us up.

Love your children, set boundaries, and ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES. I am right there with you. Remember what your seeing now, it will help you become a better parent.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I completely agree. I don't think it is necessarily the grounding and spanking. I just think it is lack of parents teaching there kids about respect. Like you said they give them what they want so they dont' cry. How are they going ot know in the real work what hard work is. I have a 2 year old right now, and he is already learning manners, being polite and such because I don't want him to disrespect anyone no matter age. He loves to help me with whatever I am doing, so he helps unload the dishwasher, of course i am right there but I think just the fact of being there and helpful is a big step in the right direction for when he gets older. Parents really need to start to teach there kids about respect and it starts with the parent being respectful to the kid in return. It goes both ways!!!

Answer 3

This all comes down to the parents. Kids all have role models, and they are usually their parents. Have you noticed that more adults are more immature, age wise and behavior. They go out, get drunk, smoke, swear constantly, etc. etc. If parents aren't involved in their kids lives, their children won't care about anything. They slack off and believe they can do anything they want and not get in trouble because their parents do. Although spankings and groundings can help kids build on their obedience and character, they still need to learn from parents and everyone around them. Kids are showing less respect every day.

I know you may not have wanted a spiritual reading, but if you read the book of Revelations in the Bible, it talks about how everything in the world will keep getting worse...and I guess that's what's happening now. Nothing is like what it used to be.

Answer 4

I think your equation over-simplifies the matter. I think children today are allowed to be children for a lot longer -- heck, I'm nearly 30 and feel no need to grow up. It's likely a side effect of this whole "you're only as old as you feel" sort of attitude. So, you have parents that are supposed to be raising children but bombarded with messages that they're supposed to be children.

Anyway, I mean to say that kids do not have real responsibility growing up as much -- give them something to do and they will learn respect. Teach them to be adults and realize you're the parent, right?

Kids don't know any better -- but, they QUICKLY learn what the boundaries are. Establish those boundaries, give the kids something constructive to do, set an example by being constructive yourself and everyone's tired by the end of the day.

Easy peasy. Problem solved. Next question. (oh, wait now I'm oversimplifying!!) :P

Answer 5

I could not agree with you more that children have lost respect. But you have to understand that society has taken over how we raise our children. You are not allowed to spank your child without getting a phone call or a visit from social services, you are not allowed to do what our parents had done with us. Now you have to watch what you do, watch what you say....yet everything is all your fault as the parent if your kid does not grow up within the "good" rules of society. I am not saying to abuse your kid, but when you can't put the fear of god in them...then how the hell are you going to get through to them at a time when they believe they know all. I vow to not have anymore children only because I do fear what will happen in another 10 years. right now just in our town we have 13 year old girls getting pregnant, screaming & stealing from their parents. We have 13 year old boys abusing their parents and other authority figures...it is just sad.

Answer 6

children follow example if the parents are dysfunctional in anyway or are mixing with dysfunctional adults then the children will foollow suit a lot of kids misbehave also because they get punished wether they misbehave or not, i have an 8 yr old and a 3 yr old im an aunty to seven kids from 5 to 0 i am the families babysitter as im the only one who doesnt work and i find that common sense, accompanied with attention and keeping the kids occupied is great fun also they have no time to misbehave, they quabble amongst themselves but then so does everyone, ive never raised my hands to these kids i just have to be stern with them and explain why what they are doing is wrong, most i get back "im sorry mam/aunty" also their parents have always said when the kids spend the day with me they are happier they always eat their supper withouyt being asked over and over also they go to bed no questions asked and sleep soundly right through, ive also never raised my voice to them, i think a lot of parents could do with the groundings and beatings you talk of to get them to show good example to their kids, also if my kids do get in with a bad crowd when they are older i wouldnt see a clip under the ear would do them any harm at all, but my method is working so far so good

Answer 7

Spanking and grounding can only help when it is required. Love and respect is the most potent tool. Kids love the time we spend talking to them and teaching them. Bedtime talk is one of the best. No distraction, honest and loving talk is the thing they'll always remember. It's the last thing they do before they sleep. Looking, smelling, hearing and touching helps. I still remember when my mum spent ONE time with me when I was a 7 yr old! I do spank my kids when I have tried many ways of teaching them. But at the end of the day, I'll have to talk to them again about it.

Answer 8

I think your parents have done a Really Good job with You, going by your post. Intelligent and Respectful.
And I totally Agree with you. I was taught the 'Old fashioned way', with the Hand. I now have children of my own. I Respect my elders and Still don't Curse in front of my Parents, In my Thirties!
With my Children, I see the way their friends Act and Talk to some of their Parents and it's Sad, YES, I also think it is due to Lack of or Type of Punishment.
But what I find is that, If I was to Smack my child it hurts for 5 Minutes, If I Take away some or ALL of their Privileges, It HURTS for a WEEK!(and they have more time to think about what they have done!)

Answer 9

I do spank when they need it. However my children say....... You know mommy that doesnt really hurt. lol Once my son asked do you want me to cry? Oh well.. The point isnt to hurt them its to train them. I have spanked my 15 yr old son a total of about 6 times, and my daughter 2 times.

For the most part asll i have to do is give them the moms evil eye. I will not allow my children to be mouthy with me or any adult for that matter.

I know where my kids are at all time, I do not let them run the streets. Infact my son came to me son came to me after he spent the night at his best friends house and said Thanks momma, I said for what?

He said for teaching me how im supposed to act like. He said his friend had told his mom to FU** off. He said he told his friend that he would never speak to me that way or he would be in so much trouble he wouldnt get out of the corner. LOL

After we got home I called his mom to make sure he behaved himself. She said he is a darling child an is welcome anytime. He is a cadet in the ROTC airforce training and is planning on joining the airforce after colege. So im guessing I didnt do so bad.

I am not as hard on them as i was raised. My parents were very strict and they spanked for everything. I use it as the last resort. They know if they get a spanking what they did was really bad.

Let me define a spanking- I put them ove my knee and thru their close i give 2 swats with my hand.

Answer 10

It is not nearly as simple as 'spanking' or 'grounding'. It is a SYSTEMIC problem and there are lots of causes...but not spanking is not one of them.

one big problem is the incredible focus on academics in schools at a very young age. IMO, kids should be taught FIRST how to sit without hitting each other, how to be safe, responsible, and give respect to others.

The media is another problem. Kids do not see people on TV being friendly or kind or respectful. They see people being aggressive, violent, and just plain mean.

There is not a shred of evidence to support that spanking keeps kids 'in line'...what it DOES do, is make the child afraid around 'the punisher' (the one who hits) and makes them unable to control themselves when the punisher is not around. Kids need to learn internal control and not be motivated by external punishment.