When a soldier is deployed to war (or even on a humanitarian aid project), who do you think has a harder time? The soldier or the ones left on the homefront?
(Disclaimer: This is not to demean anyone's suffering. I know that there are hardships on every member of a military family, especially during deployments. I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts were.)
2007-02-06 10:18:55 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I am a spouse of a soldier who is currently in Iraq.
It all depends on what the soldier's job is. If he sits at a desk all day and is not engaged in combat, in some ways, it is harder on the spouse, because she sits at home all day taking care of the kids, etc, missing her husband.
Now, if the man is Infantry, I think it is harder on the soldier. But it is extremely hard on the wife as well. My husband is Infantry and there are times when I don't hear from him, so I am constantly looking out my window to see if anyone is coming to tell me he is dead. I have constant knots in my stomach when I know he is patrolling. All I do is worry and stress out. But I still know he is in danger but then again, I know he is a well-trained smart man who is going to stop at nothing to come home to me.
He once told me he likes patrolling because it gives him such an adrenaline rush.
But it depends on what the soldier is doing to give a good answer to your question. Not all soldiers that go to Iraq are engaged in combat! And the soldiers that are, they definitely don't have an easy time! The best way to cope is find a good way to relieve stress.
You know like someone said...I constantly have a fear of not knowing. I always want to know if he is okay. I want to make sure he is okay, but I cannot. He knows if he is okay or not but sometimes I just don't know!
Haven't you seen those stickers..."Army wife...the toughest job in the Army!" (Or Navy, or Marine, etc, etc)!!!
But when it comes down to it, from my personal experience, my husband just wants to know that I am okay. His tank has been hit by bombs countless times, he has seen death, blood and guts, but he acknowledges it as a fact of war and brushes it off. I tell him that all he has to worry about is coming home safe and I will take care of everything else. He is such a good man!
2007-02-06 10:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by His Angel 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's a totally different experience for both. The soldier has to worry about dying or being horribly maimed while at the same time worrying aboout his/her buddies and the family they left behind. The spouse on the other hand has to worry about dealing with all the things at home, be mom AND dad to the kids, keep up a strong front for the soldier, the kids, and everyone else....all that while worrying that they'll either have to deal with a death or serious injury of their spouse.
I know while my husband was deployed he often told me I had it worse because if he got killed it would be over for him but I'd have to go on without him. Some days I agreed with him but most days I didn't. All in all I'd have to say that things can be pretty awful for both.
I have to add something to the posters that said they'd take the comforts of home ...when your spouse is in a situation that they could die and you have time on your hands to think about that...well the comforts of home aren't exactly comforts.
To flygirl...while I agree with you that leogirl is off the mark you really don't have to be so nasty. And you say that it's the soldiers that are the ones serving their country...while that is obvious you need to remember that the spouses are giving up alot as well and shouldn't be put down for being the ones to stay home taking care of things while our spouses are gone.
2007-02-06 20:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by . 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to go with the Soldier. But I don't think the difference is necessarily huge. Though technology has made it easier on the spouse to a certain extent. Now the soldier can call home, or send e-mails on a daily basis. It's not as stressful, in my outside opinion, when you know they were okay yesterday. It's not like going a week or two with no contact, then the letter you get is still a week behind. A lot can happen in two weeks.
2007-02-06 18:36:18 · answer #3 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been raised in a military family during Viet Nam..it is equal. You would not believe the stress it causes. Even when you have your friends and family around nobody knows what the wife is going through. There is a very high rate of divorce with military families and it isn't so much miss trust but the not knowing.
2007-02-06 18:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by Mary Lou 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Both have very hard times, but I would say the soldier, because he is faced with so many life altering threats. My hubby is Special forces and he is mentally scared for life from his deployment. Me on the other hand, really didn't experience anything traumatic. I just worried a lot about him. We do deal with alot while our husbands are away, but I would NEVER compare it to what they deal with over there...
2007-02-06 18:31:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
soldier, consider this, although you miss you significant other, and may have bad ideas about what is going on. The soldier has the same ideas of you back home, further the dangers are far greater for the soldier than the spouse.
2007-02-06 18:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everytime a US naval vessel puts to sea, it's a deployment. Nobody seems to care about that, when we are at peace. But, on to the topic!
I'd have to say they have it equally bad. The differences are in the arenas of how the stress affects them, and in which areas of concern.
2007-02-06 18:29:26 · answer #7 · answered by sjsosullivan 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I believe they have it equally hard, just in different ways. The man is risking his life, leaving his home, going to a foreign country among strangers and people who hate the U.S. The woman feels all the load is on her with no physical, emotional or financial resources. Then there is an adjustment for both when he returns.
2007-02-06 18:26:58 · answer #8 · answered by beez 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
the servicemember definitely. I get to sleep in my comfy bed. I get to eat whatever and whenever I want. i can have pizza delivered. I am not getting shot at. I can surf the 'net all day long if I wanna. I can go to bed at a reasonable hour. I can sleep late.
Compared to my husband, I have it way easy.
2007-02-06 22:16:36 · answer #9 · answered by Mrsjvb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now I'd say my husband does. We don't have kids or any real hard things to get done while he's gone like a morgtage or huge bills, but I'm sure if we did, I'd say my side would.
2007-02-06 18:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋