I have 2 Questions?

Question

I recently placed my son up for adoption in January and he was only 6 days old.He is going to a good home and family but I miss him soo much. I try to do other activities but I cant help but think that another woman will be calling my son hers and my son will be calling her mommy. I couldn't raise him because I am not ready to be a parent yet. I wanted my baby to have a better life and my family that is better off finacially. Also I wanted my baby to know what its like growing up with a father figure. His birth father didn't want to be a part of his life so that's another reason. My first question is: Did I make the right choice? Even if I couldn't afford to raise him should I just kept him so I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life wondering about him. What they are doing at every moment

My seconds question for adoptees: Do you hate or despise your birth parents for giving you up and hate them that they gave you up?

I know this is my seconds time asking this. I had typos in the last one.

Wow you guys are really making me feel better. Note: I'm being sarcastic.

But I also have to think about what if he doesn't want to have a reunion and thinks I didn't love him because I put him up for adoption.

And another thing I wasn't really thinking about the effects. The only thing I was thinking about what I was going to do with this baby growing inside my belly. During the fifth month I was pregnant I thought about open adoption and I met this wonderful family who could raise him. So excuse me for not thinking correctly.

When I was saying the thing about you guys are really making me feel better i was talking to Nicole and the first person who answered. Thanks to everybody else.

Answer 1

sweeetty, your very courageous!! you put your child's needs first. it shows that you really care about the kid, and that if u allow your child to have foster parents, is nice of you. because you let the child be in this world, and being born is a loving choice. Choosing to place your child with a family that can provide a stable, loving home is an act of love and sacrifice, not an act of abandonment. so it shows that you eally care about your kid and that you made the right choice. :]

Answer 2

Dear, you are feeling grief, maternal grief. No one can answer if this is the right decision, not even yourself. You did a brave thing by realizing that you could not do this at this time in your life. I suggest that you try to find a support group either on line or in your town for these situations. I do believe that you did right by giving this child life and giving him to a family that will be able to provide things for him that you can't right now. Time will ease some of this pain and guilt for you, but I think you really need to seek out other women who have made the same decisions as yourself and women that can understand and help you through this time in your life. I am not an adoptee, but my friends who I know were adopted do not feel anger toward the biological parents, they are more curious. Check with the people who handled the adoption and write a letter that your child can read when the time is right that is honest and open about everything, and see if it can be passed on to the family with your gift. That is what you have done, you have given someone the ultimate gift. May you find peace.

Answer 3

I believe you done the right thing .I know it must hurt a lot but your son will have opportunities that you would not have been able to give him it was an act of love .To have kept him would have been selfish on your part . I am an adoptee and I had the opportunity to meet my birth parents and my siblings.Both my parents cried when they hugged me and I was glad to meet them but I can't say I felt like they were my parents even though I knew they were .To me my parents were the people that raised me but I had no hard feelings toward my birth parents. I understand they did what was the best for me and that was an act of the most ultimate love to let me go .I am sorry to say neither one is still living but I got to know them a little before they died.I wonder if this was an open adoption if so maybe your sons adoptive mother would let you visit from time to time with him so you can see that this was the best choice for him. My adopted parents were not selfish either. They didn't keep anything a secret about my adoption from me I was raised up with the knowledge of being adopted. I can't ever remember not knowing and my birth father came and visited me when he was in town.The door was always open . My adopted parents were very special people and I thank God for them . I know my life would not have turned out the way that it did had I not been given up and now as an adult I am grateful to all of them.

Answer 4

you had a very difficult choice to make. It was a choice only you could make. Neither choice would have been the ideal answer. Try not to second guess yourself. The feeling of loss that you have is completely normal.
I was not adopted but I can speak from the view point of someone who has adopted children from situations just like yours. I have three children. One is now an adult and has contacted her birth father. The others are pre-teen. All these kids have expressed the desire to meet their birth parents at one time or another. They are happy and lead normal lives but not knowing "where" they came from does effect them.
In regards to your second question, some of the children have at times expressed anger about being "abandoned" but just as often there also seems to be a longing to have contact with the birth parents. As an adoptive parent, they feel the same way (either angry or "connected") about me sometimes. Every child I have has responded a little differently to being adopted.
Have you thought about talking to a counselor about this? A one on one conversation with a knowledgeable professional might help you work out some of what you are feeling. I know it has helped some of my children deal with the feelings of loss that they have.

Answer 5

If you don't think that you could have properly cared for your child, then don't be ashamed for letting someone else because they will be having a better life. If it bothers you that much, maybe you should meet with the family if possible and talk to them about you having some type of relationship in which you get to see the child. When the child is old enough to understand maybe they would even explain the situation that you are his/her biological mother. You'll always love the child and care and even wonder how he/she is doing. That's natural. You carried the baby inside of you for nine months. The blood running through it's veins is your blood too. But if you don't have the financial means or ability to care for a baby, then 1.) you have no business having one, and 2.) giving it to someone that may not be fortunate to be able to have children of there own is the best thing to do because at least you know that the baby will have everything that they need. But you should still try to stay in the baby's life somehow.

Answer 6

I would be willing to bet you made the right decision. One thing you may have wanted to think about was open adoption. In my oppinion it has to be the best. exspecially in your case.
You wanted what was best for your son, and you could have seen that, and he could have seen you, and know you did what was best for him. If both parents made it a happy thing for him it would be. Instead of years later adopted kids trying to find there birth parents and wondering.
And I can't stress how much you may have another couple the happiest people on earth, because once upon a time I was that person. Was told I would never have children.
When you are ready you can do it again. Be happy that you have done a wonderful thing.
I hate it when people type a 5 page answer but I thought you really deserved a lot more of an answer

Answer 7

I would say no you didn't make the right choice because you could have got a better job and got more money or even got food stamps and raised him on your own.Because now at lady he's with isn't his mother and he's gonna run away and try to figure out where you are and when he finds you he's gonna ask you why you gave him up.And when you say because you couldn't take care of him he's gonna think he was an accident.As for the second question yes i do hate my dad he gave me up when my mother died suppose something happened to me he wouldn't know.He probly wouldn't care.I've been living in the shelter for 10 years now i'm living with my foster parents and they treat me like crap.but it's ok cause now i'm 15 giving people advice on their lives and i had a baby so i know but i would never put him up for adoption.

Answer 8

I can answer from an adoptees point of view and I can honestly say I don't have a problem with being given up. If I ever meet/talk to her I would thank her for making such a hard sacrifice to give me a better life than she could. I don't know if my birth father knew about me but from what my adoptive parents told me my birth mother had an affair with a married man and that is why she didn't keep me. I don't know if its true but either way she didn't feel she could give me a good home. If you can might I suggest that you see if you can sent letters to be included in his adoption file at the agency so that if he ever wants to find you he knows that it is okay. My adoption records are sealed and the only thing they could tell me was their was no letter for me, which is fine but would have been nice. I think I know who my birth mother is, (paid private searcher), but I don't know if she wants to be found and wouldn't want to mess up her life just because I am curious.............that is one of the hard things is simple being curious about who you look like, traits, ect., but even these things don't make me angry. If you couldn't give your son a stable home then you really did the best thing you could for him. Try to do the best you can with moving on, of course you will never, ever forget him..........just take pride in the fact that you cared more for him than yourself. Good luck hun, I wish you only good things and may your pain get less and less everyday!!

Answer 9

You made a tough choice, and you are never really going to know if it was the right choice. No one answering these knows either. What you do know is that you did what you thought was the right thing. Isn't that the best that anyone can do? What else can you do?

Try writing some letters to your son. Tell him how you feel and all the things you are thinking about. Keep them for now, but later you might have them added to his file for him to see. Or, you might decide they are too personal.

Try to be as busy as possible. Get a second job or volunteer somewhere, just to keep your mind off of things. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Giving up a child is tough, my daughter didn't have a dad until she was 5 and I married my husband. It was really hard supporting her, we got through it but she has had to grow up too fast, she's 11 now and thinks and acts like an adult. I often thought about my decision to keep her and wondered if she would have been better off being placed for adoption. There's goo and bad in both situations. I hope the birth family will keep in touch or see if there is an option to have an open adoption where you can visit and exchange pics. Make it easier for your child to find you, keep your phone # published and try to stay local so you will be easier to find one day. Pray for your child, God hears you and He does answer. Good Luck and God bless.

Answer 11

Only you will truly know if u made the right choice and no one can tell u otherwise. There may come a time where he will find want to find you and meet you and that will give u the chance to explain to him why you did what u did. Everyone has there reasons and you shouldn't feel bad in what u did. I think u made the right choice if u felt that u couldn't take care of him in a way he deserved. You gave the best gift of all....Maybe the family that took him couldn't have kids of their own.