Does anyone have any opinions about what it should be called and who should be the evildoers condemed within it's pages? I'm thinking of also smiting the would be hertics of yahoo answers in the latter part of chapter 3...
2007-02-06 10:05:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
"The New Book of Joel" There is an Old Testament Book called Joel, so this is the new one about my favorite tv evangelist Joel Osteen. What's wrong with him? Here's some starters
1. He smiles the entire time he's preaching, sad story or not, he's always smiling.
2. The reason he's smiling: about 20 conferences a year with a NFL stadium capacity audience at $10 a head. Do the math.
3. Very simple self help jargon. The sermon is five minutes long, and he repeats it 3 more times with new, i.e. old and worn-out, cliches.
4. The single worst catastrophe in his life was that someone pulled out in front of him in traffic.
2007-02-06 10:16:19 · answer #1 · answered by quillologist 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this going to be old testament or new? Or a new "new testament"? If it is old t, then you will want lots of killing, sacrificing and blood. Maybe a few people could sacrifice their own children. Oh, and don't forget to leave out the rape.
If it's new, then you should make a lot of silly claims about people coming back from the dead. You should also make sure to condemn homosexuality.
If you're making a whole new testament, then you could just tell the story of your life, but make sure you exagerate, call yourself a prophet and put some new rules in.
2007-02-06 18:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by citrus punch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were to rewrite or add onto the Bible you are sinning. The origional Catholic Bible before it was changed by Luther states that all who take from this book will be cursed for generations to come. I strongly advise you not to add a book onto the Bible. You can write a book but it will not be added onto the Bible which can not be changed. Try talking to a publisher and they can give you advice on writing a novel or biography on youself.
2007-02-06 18:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ Angie ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! that is the absolute funniest coolest thing i've heard of! If I had my own chapter in the bible I'd call it Americans and it'd be right after Phillipians. It would be about how NOT to act as a Christian, how TO treat people who aren't, and how the Americans had to learn that lesson the hard way.
2007-02-06 18:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jenna M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are too late for your own book in the Bible. If you had written some worthy about 2000 years ago or more, you might have gotten in, but I doubt it.
2007-02-06 18:18:50 · answer #5 · answered by rbarc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already in it, read Revelation 13
2007-02-06 18:09:11 · answer #6 · answered by Holly Marie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get a life!
2007-02-06 18:08:56 · answer #7 · answered by tewarienormy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ain't no harm in dreaming; so.... just keep on dreaming
2007-02-06 18:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋